I'm feeling very mindful towards the overwhelming options when it comes to homeschooling.
I'm aware of the enormity of the undertaking and I'm up for it, truly.
I know deep down that I'm plenty equipped to thrive through this journey.
I also know that I will NEED consistent and continual renewing of my spirit to press on through it.
I also know that I will NEED support and a network of women to spur one another on.
Thankfully, I've already found some such women, and it makes my heart glad.
I don't JUST want to homeschool, and this may sound vain, but I want to homeschool with CLASS.
Perhaps my dreams for this are a bit idealistic, and that sometimes worries me.
Like when I imagine having these wonderful conversations w/ my girls & attempt to only to have them fall flat.
I dream of being waist deep alongside them, exploring, and drinking in the knowledge of whatever subject.
Perhaps it will be me knee deep and excited, and begging them to remove their foreheads from the tabletop.
But there have been so many times when I'm not trying so hard when knee deep exploring happened naturally.
Here's where my faith comes in.
I have surrendered this matter in prayer, and I have felt, beyond doubt, this is God's will.
And I have experienced enough times, how God has faithfully and eagerly responded to the desires of my heart.
The relationship I have with my daughters thus far has been every bit the ideal I dreamed of years ago.
So why couldn't it continue?
It won't likely happen at first.
And there were always be times of questioning, frustration, testing.
But ultimately I believe this falls under the Scripture, "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you as well."
I believe this also falls under the Scripture, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I believe that is my objective in homeschooling, to train them in the way they should go.
If these were the promises God provided in His word, then I must put aside doubts, and ignore the naysayers, and refrain from second guessing myself, and strain on towards the goal God has placed on my heart.
My weaknesses are many.
But this is where Christ will be glorified.
And my methods won't be too methodical, my structure might be significantly frayed.
My friend states, "I would be so worried that I would not be able to give them what they need because of the way I am built."
But God has given me these children, knowing how I'm built, and my tendency is to wonder if that is because I am exactly what they need.
Intellectual, I am not.
Though there is a definite place for this, it is not the only place.
My famed Type B personality is not a defect, however.
And I mustn't belittle what I have to offer.
A willingness to get waste deep and to share that experience alongside my littles.
And they could very likely grow to be Type B's also.
But this would not be a defect, this would be were they should go.
And perhaps they'll still come out the other end of childhood, against all odds, structured.
But they will be familiar, and I hope, appreciative, of the laid back which is often frowned upon.
The Lord equips us all differently.
Thank heavens there's no wrong personality type in His eyes. :)