I just began reading a book that I've had on my shelves for awhile now called Almost Amish by Nancy Sleeth. Coincidentally, it served as the perfect accompaniment for me to take while the kids played at the park on this gorgeous spring day!
I have only read the first chapter but I thought I could do a review as sorts. I'm discovering that much of what Sleeth suggests for gaining a simpler, slower-paced lifestyle are things I've already applied and am reaping the rewards in my own life, so I can vouch that it is truly possible and worth the sacrifice.
I love the way the Lord works. The author tells in the introduction how living "Almost Amish" came to be in her family, the way God worked in their lives and their work to draw them not only to a more sustainable lifestyle, but also to Himself. God is not complicated, even though He is wonderfully and wildly creative and His thoughts are infinitely higher than ours, He knows His creation, and made us as we are, and provided just what we need without it being overwhelming or impossible. It is us, His creation, that has made it overwhelming and impossible. Nothing about the death and resurrection was simple or easy, but that was God's work. The Lord made the Way for us to be restored to Him, He sent the sacrifice, and He did what needed to be done so that even our eternal salvation was not complicated on our parts. We need only to turn from our narrow-minded self-focused lives and receive Him as savior. No amount of good deeds, Hail Mary's or complicated Ikea-furniture-style instructions, just turn and receive. Praise God for this!
I love the way the author and her husband saw the wisdom of the Amish lifestyle. Such insight and discernment seems so rare these days. To not just see something, but to allow it to be mulled over in ones mind, researched and considered from all angles, and then responded to. And indeed they did respond, and made it their lives work! The Bible says that it is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich person to enter the gates of heaven. As a modern-day American, I can see how this would be possible. I am every bit tempted by the lure of fanciful and pretty stuffs as the next girl, and I know how lonely the road is of those walking away from all of that. Like a fish swimming upstream. Yet Mr. and Mrs. Sleeth have done it, it seems. Beginning even higher up on the success ladder, living among what they call "trustfundians," they began downsizing, simplifying, and reducing their carbon footprints. That takes some serious conviction and determination, and is an inspiration to see that it IS possible to do!
Chapter one talks about homes, and ways they have simplified their living conditions. I've already mentioned their downsizing, they have done it several times over in the years, much of it gladly and willingly, but the author confesses missing a few things. Its important to note, as I hope her readers do, that it is OK to miss things. I wonder how many people write it off and say "See! She misses things! That is why I could never do that!" I'd doubt if anyone would admit it, but I think we, in our culture, believe that if its the least bit uncomfortable, then it is not worth it. We use this type of excuse the minute we get the chance when we are "trying" to do something good that requires personal sacrifice. "I draw the line at ____________!" "I'm trying to eat healthy but I draw the line at eliminating __________!" "I'm all for spending less, but I refuse to give up my _________________!" The truth is, the "sacrifices" we make, aren't much sacrifice at all. I'm the chief of sinners in this. Even as I read about Nancy air drying her clothes instead of using a dryer, I drew my line. And followed it up with a strong (in my mind) list of justifications. "Anything worth doing requires sacrifice" is a quote of yesteryear, outdated in modern society if we are being honest with ourselves. And I am CONVINCED we miss out on so many blessings that would blow our comfort-seeking minds because of it!
So. Down-sizing homes. As I write, we live in a two bedroom 1200 square foot apartment. That's me and my three young daughters, third floor. We love it. We had a slightly larger, but still small by many american standards, home on a quiet cul-de-sac in the back of a subdivision six months ago, and the mortgage to go with it. When we moved here, we recognized that we would need to let go of more than a few things to keep our new place from C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome-borrowed from FlyLady). I am not a pack-rat by nature so was surprised by the multiple trips to Goodwill and the mountains left by the curb on trash day! I was ecstatic to let it all go, though, and haven't missed a single thing (if I could even recall what we got rid of!). My girls were sharing a room by choice in our other place so it was not much of a sacrifice to go down to two bedrooms here. They adore each other and rarely is there rivalry. I think people think I simply got lucky, but while I recognize it as a blessing from God that they are so close, I have always encouraged the girls to look after one another, serve each other, handle their disagreements without fighting (even as toddlers, I made it a point when one would tattle, to have them talk out their problems together, in kindness, and without me playing referee- I think this has helped a ton! I can't tell you how many times my kids have heard me say, "Is that the best way to handle that? Go back in there and handle it nicely." or "How could you say that differently to your sister?" but it paid off and their relationships are stronger in part to it!)
One of the places we "feel the pinch" in our small home is in the kitchen. With three daughters, its not uncommon to have one unloading the dishwasher, one cooking, and one getting a snack all at the same time. I tend to get frustrated here, but then I remember this is what its all about. This is why the kitchen is the best room in the house! The Amish recognize this, as the author points out, and so do we! When we are doing a dance around one another to get to the drawer/cabinet/oven/fridge we are learning to work together, communicate, and act with patience.
I loved the advice Sleeth gave to resist the urge to re-clutter once you have de-cluttered your home. Really consider if you really need an item before you purchase it. Focus on a few high-quality items over a bunch of cheaper quality stuff. Be hospitable, and don't think that must mean elaborate meals and events. This is something I'm currently working on. I used to never have people over because I could not pull off a spectacular, magazine-spread-worthy meal, complete with fancy settings and nice linens, and a menu of complimenting food choices. In addition, I was always embarrassed by my house's "lived in" look. Lately, however, I find myself inviting others over much more often, even though its a small place and its a workout for people to climb up to my front door, and I still don't have much to offer, I've found that nobody seems to mind, which I should have known all along!
Another piece of advice the author offers is something that I feel God has been speaking to me about a lot lately and that is clothing. If you were to compare me and my closet with that of an average american woman, I like to think its pretty modest. I don't have expensive stuff, I live in jeans and t-shirts, I don't have a shoe habit or purse habit or jewelry habit or anything like that. Still, if you compare me with the majority of women in the world, I know that I am rich beyond comprehension and the amount of clothing I have reflects that. The part that God is working with me on, however, is to take away the desire to have those nice things. What I wear and what I'd like to wear are polar opposites. I'd much rather dress girly and adorable. Its just not practical for me right now to do that. And I'm learning to be OK with that. At the same time, I'm considering what Deuteronomy 22:5 says, "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this." Now, I know that many people would say, "Lighten up! That's old testament stuff!" but I think that if God really goes to the point to say He detests something, then it probably isn't saying "I detest it in that cultural time frame, any other time is fine, though." Call it a hunch. So I am on the look out for a modest, inexpensive, yet still practical wardrobe makeover. So far, its been pretty tough, as you can imagine! The author, Nancy Sleeth, does not address the issue of dressing feminine in the book, that is just a bunny trail that her writing on having a few simple items instead of closets and drawers busting at the seams sent me on!
For my kids, who also don't have a lot compared to other kids their age, and don't seem to be bothered much by it, we have talked a lot lately about shopping at consignment shops and dressing girly (which they aren't yet keen on) and thinking even more on modesty than we already do (which, I promise, we do!). The big temptation for them, as it is for me, will be to resist indulging in fads and making idols of modern fashion. We are great at shopping sales and they, in particular, are fantastic at sharing clothes, too! This helps a lot, and I find myself increasingly thankful that the Lord blessed me with three children of the same gender and close enough in age where this is possible!
Lastly, I enjoyed the nuggets of wisdom- quotes from other writers that the author included. And so, I leave you with my favorite one from chapter one,
"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers." - William Wordsworth
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Without Facebook I Am...
Free!
The month of March included a commitment to log off of social media entirely. No facebook, no twitter, no pinterest (gasp!). I deleted the apps from my phone and it has been glorious. A small part of me misses keeping up with certain friends, feeling a little out of the loop. Mostly, though, I'm so relieved to be out of the loop. Its a tough thing to admit you are so hooked on something. Immediately I am defensive, "I'm not on it nearly as often as many people!" or "It's just to pass the time while I'm waiting for something else." but it's not. You are waiting for the kids to get ready to leave, then suddenly they are waiting for you because you have been sucked in to that endless newsfeed, that none-of-your-business debate, or some vacation album from some "acquaintance from high school." Yeah, there definitely needed to be less of that in my life. And admitting it was the first step. There is a place in your heart where the Holy Spirit whispers, "This is a stronghold." And often we dismiss it refusing to entertain even the idea it might be correct. But enough is enough. I needed to accept this was a weakness. And if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. So says the Lord. Is spending long periods of time online at the expense of your family a sin? YES! I needed to call it what it was. So how have I fared without an online presence? Taking back the margin in my life and instead allowing those quiet moments for God to speak or to think through what He has already spoken has been worth the sacrifice a hundred fold! Will I go back? Not without tremendous restriction and accountability. The apps are gone for good. The logging back in will be for trial. And should I get sucked in again, then I will gauge it out of my life, never to see so-and-so's vacation pictures again!
My kids and I also unplugged the TV this month. To my delight and all of their surprise, they have not missed it a bit! Its crazy when you know that these children are notorious for zoning out when any tv or movie is in the vicinity. Bombs could go off without a blinked eye between the three of them. We have had so many fantastic discussions, they have played together beautifully, and have not complained once about the sacrifice I asked them to make. We have recently talked about what "life after March" will be like and have agreed to greatly reduce and regulate tv watching (i'm certain by now we sound crazy, they were not allowed to watch much tv before, but most recently the rules had become lax), and we have decided that if its still a problem, then we will sell our tv! how's that for extreme?! And the big shock was that the kids all agreed!
I know most of us would quickly agree that the media is in large a big waste of time and that its common knowledge that we all need to cut back. I was tired of just saying that though. I don't want to talk about wanting a deeper relationship with God, and spending time reading His word, serving His people, praying TO Him, and yet not giving Him those sacred in between moments. I am finding endless wonder and beauty in those in between moments! I'm finding a renewed spirit and a steadfast heart, a restoration of the joy of my salvation! And yes, even conviction! That blessed conviction that, when revealed and allowed to be worked on and through, leads to maturity and perseverance which must finish its work in us.
Prime time in our household now consists of:
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The month of March included a commitment to log off of social media entirely. No facebook, no twitter, no pinterest (gasp!). I deleted the apps from my phone and it has been glorious. A small part of me misses keeping up with certain friends, feeling a little out of the loop. Mostly, though, I'm so relieved to be out of the loop. Its a tough thing to admit you are so hooked on something. Immediately I am defensive, "I'm not on it nearly as often as many people!" or "It's just to pass the time while I'm waiting for something else." but it's not. You are waiting for the kids to get ready to leave, then suddenly they are waiting for you because you have been sucked in to that endless newsfeed, that none-of-your-business debate, or some vacation album from some "acquaintance from high school." Yeah, there definitely needed to be less of that in my life. And admitting it was the first step. There is a place in your heart where the Holy Spirit whispers, "This is a stronghold." And often we dismiss it refusing to entertain even the idea it might be correct. But enough is enough. I needed to accept this was a weakness. And if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. So says the Lord. Is spending long periods of time online at the expense of your family a sin? YES! I needed to call it what it was. So how have I fared without an online presence? Taking back the margin in my life and instead allowing those quiet moments for God to speak or to think through what He has already spoken has been worth the sacrifice a hundred fold! Will I go back? Not without tremendous restriction and accountability. The apps are gone for good. The logging back in will be for trial. And should I get sucked in again, then I will gauge it out of my life, never to see so-and-so's vacation pictures again!
My kids and I also unplugged the TV this month. To my delight and all of their surprise, they have not missed it a bit! Its crazy when you know that these children are notorious for zoning out when any tv or movie is in the vicinity. Bombs could go off without a blinked eye between the three of them. We have had so many fantastic discussions, they have played together beautifully, and have not complained once about the sacrifice I asked them to make. We have recently talked about what "life after March" will be like and have agreed to greatly reduce and regulate tv watching (i'm certain by now we sound crazy, they were not allowed to watch much tv before, but most recently the rules had become lax), and we have decided that if its still a problem, then we will sell our tv! how's that for extreme?! And the big shock was that the kids all agreed!
I know most of us would quickly agree that the media is in large a big waste of time and that its common knowledge that we all need to cut back. I was tired of just saying that though. I don't want to talk about wanting a deeper relationship with God, and spending time reading His word, serving His people, praying TO Him, and yet not giving Him those sacred in between moments. I am finding endless wonder and beauty in those in between moments! I'm finding a renewed spirit and a steadfast heart, a restoration of the joy of my salvation! And yes, even conviction! That blessed conviction that, when revealed and allowed to be worked on and through, leads to maturity and perseverance which must finish its work in us.
Prime time in our household now consists of:
.JPG)
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Circles in Life
Oh how I delight in witnessing how the Lord works all things together for His good. I am so thankful for all of the people and resources over the years that I have been introduced to and that have influenced and inspired. In my own life I have seen multiple times the way that God has planted a seed in my heart for something, allowed the seed to be SEEMINGLY forgotten (at least by me - but NOT by Him) and then come full circle years later!
This happened to me when, as a teenager and a new Christian, I had a heart for my peers. I wanted them to know and experience the freedom that comes when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. I wanted them to see its not lame or boring or a buzz kill, like I had thought it was. The Lord was igniting a flame. As my youth quickly turned into motherhood, with young children to look after, I had all but forgotten about those feelings and desires. A decade later and the idea of working with students was something I found entirely intimidating, but I was praying about where to serve in my church and the Lord held out a hand and pulled me into student ministries. The initial apprehension soon gave way for a euphoric peace and excitement in being a part of His ministry to teenagers. I have learned an immense amount of knowledge in the past 4 years and while I know it has shaped me for future circumstances, I just plain love what I do!
I remember when my oldest was about six weeks old. I cradled her round little body and looked into her big magical eyes and considered her life and wondered at what it would hold. This particular time, the result of this trail of thinking wound up leaving me in a panicked anxiety attack. At six weeks old I was having heart palpitations about where my daughter would go to school! I felt it urgent to have this figured out. I had heard all of the time about how fleeting these moments of them being young were and I was certain at any moment I would blink and she would be 5 years old and I would be caught unprepared. Silly girl. But it did start some thinking. When she was nearing school-age I was stressing again. Private school was out of our budget, and public school seemed to promise moral disintegration almost immediately. I questioned home school, but my husband immediately shut it down. His own home school experience had left more than a sour taste about the whole concept. Eventually, through much prayer, I released my child into the best public school in our county (which isn't saying much), and into the Lord's care, trusting that God would use here to be a light to those around her and that He would protect her from evil. I cannot put into words how extraordinarily God answered those prayers!!! She spent six years in that school, having mostly teachers who share our same values, thriving! Her younger sisters followed behind her. Fast forward to the beginning of fifth grade, and I was once again experiencing that same anxiety as my baby girl was heading full speed ahead into adolescence and middle school. Middle school years are among the most awkward in a child's life, and while we had a great experience with our elementary school, there were really no good options for grades 6-8. I prayed. God answered. He put people in my husbands life who gently yet enthusiastically showed him that home education is NOT what it used to be, or at least not as he experienced it. My husband learned about how active families are, how much support there is, and he couldn't help but notice how mature and respectable the homeschooled children around us were. He was won over. And our daughters and I leaped at the opportunity and haven't looked back since!
Lately it seems that God is drawing me full circle back to one of my earlier ideals. As a 19 year old sitting beside my fiance and posed with the question of how many children I would like to have, I eagerly responded 8! There was no particular affinity for that number, I just knew I loved children and loved the idea of having a big close-knit family. It was those two motives that encouraged me and my husband to have our children close together. With three daughters ages 4 and under and barely able to pay the bills, my husband truly felt the pressure to seal off the prospect of our family growing any larger. As he did that, my dream of a big family died. I never quite felt I was done, though. That notorious "baby fever" has never left. I wondered at that, but as years passed, I have focused on delighting in the children God has given us, and wading through, sometimes unsuccessfully, the storms that have nearly flattened us. The Lord teaches us so much in those storms. I have learned to be grateful for them, immensely.
This brings me to the past year or two where that flame that started in my idealistic naive teenaged mind has recently been fanned again. I still have those "we aren't done yet" feelings, and like contractions during labor, they seem to become more intense and more often with each passing day. Whats crazy is that I still cannot see how this is at all possible. My husband is still confident in his opinion that three is enough, and that the financial burden of adding to that is more than he wishes to bare. Bless his heart, how I long for him to know the freedom that comes from laying our burdens down at the foot of the cross and taking up the yoke of the Lord which is light!! I am also, 100% convinced that God is working things together for our family to grow. I have no clue how or when or how much, but its exciting! I am somewhat relieved not to be able to imagine these things, it makes it so much more exciting to bear witness as it is played out, or often, in hindsight because that's usually how it goes. That old familiar feeling is there, the Holy Spirit within that impresses upon my heart, "Hang tight, something big is about to happen!"
This happened to me when, as a teenager and a new Christian, I had a heart for my peers. I wanted them to know and experience the freedom that comes when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. I wanted them to see its not lame or boring or a buzz kill, like I had thought it was. The Lord was igniting a flame. As my youth quickly turned into motherhood, with young children to look after, I had all but forgotten about those feelings and desires. A decade later and the idea of working with students was something I found entirely intimidating, but I was praying about where to serve in my church and the Lord held out a hand and pulled me into student ministries. The initial apprehension soon gave way for a euphoric peace and excitement in being a part of His ministry to teenagers. I have learned an immense amount of knowledge in the past 4 years and while I know it has shaped me for future circumstances, I just plain love what I do!
I remember when my oldest was about six weeks old. I cradled her round little body and looked into her big magical eyes and considered her life and wondered at what it would hold. This particular time, the result of this trail of thinking wound up leaving me in a panicked anxiety attack. At six weeks old I was having heart palpitations about where my daughter would go to school! I felt it urgent to have this figured out. I had heard all of the time about how fleeting these moments of them being young were and I was certain at any moment I would blink and she would be 5 years old and I would be caught unprepared. Silly girl. But it did start some thinking. When she was nearing school-age I was stressing again. Private school was out of our budget, and public school seemed to promise moral disintegration almost immediately. I questioned home school, but my husband immediately shut it down. His own home school experience had left more than a sour taste about the whole concept. Eventually, through much prayer, I released my child into the best public school in our county (which isn't saying much), and into the Lord's care, trusting that God would use here to be a light to those around her and that He would protect her from evil. I cannot put into words how extraordinarily God answered those prayers!!! She spent six years in that school, having mostly teachers who share our same values, thriving! Her younger sisters followed behind her. Fast forward to the beginning of fifth grade, and I was once again experiencing that same anxiety as my baby girl was heading full speed ahead into adolescence and middle school. Middle school years are among the most awkward in a child's life, and while we had a great experience with our elementary school, there were really no good options for grades 6-8. I prayed. God answered. He put people in my husbands life who gently yet enthusiastically showed him that home education is NOT what it used to be, or at least not as he experienced it. My husband learned about how active families are, how much support there is, and he couldn't help but notice how mature and respectable the homeschooled children around us were. He was won over. And our daughters and I leaped at the opportunity and haven't looked back since!
Lately it seems that God is drawing me full circle back to one of my earlier ideals. As a 19 year old sitting beside my fiance and posed with the question of how many children I would like to have, I eagerly responded 8! There was no particular affinity for that number, I just knew I loved children and loved the idea of having a big close-knit family. It was those two motives that encouraged me and my husband to have our children close together. With three daughters ages 4 and under and barely able to pay the bills, my husband truly felt the pressure to seal off the prospect of our family growing any larger. As he did that, my dream of a big family died. I never quite felt I was done, though. That notorious "baby fever" has never left. I wondered at that, but as years passed, I have focused on delighting in the children God has given us, and wading through, sometimes unsuccessfully, the storms that have nearly flattened us. The Lord teaches us so much in those storms. I have learned to be grateful for them, immensely.
This brings me to the past year or two where that flame that started in my idealistic naive teenaged mind has recently been fanned again. I still have those "we aren't done yet" feelings, and like contractions during labor, they seem to become more intense and more often with each passing day. Whats crazy is that I still cannot see how this is at all possible. My husband is still confident in his opinion that three is enough, and that the financial burden of adding to that is more than he wishes to bare. Bless his heart, how I long for him to know the freedom that comes from laying our burdens down at the foot of the cross and taking up the yoke of the Lord which is light!! I am also, 100% convinced that God is working things together for our family to grow. I have no clue how or when or how much, but its exciting! I am somewhat relieved not to be able to imagine these things, it makes it so much more exciting to bear witness as it is played out, or often, in hindsight because that's usually how it goes. That old familiar feeling is there, the Holy Spirit within that impresses upon my heart, "Hang tight, something big is about to happen!"
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
What is a mom?
I believe that a mom's primary role in a family is to nurture. I am a stay-at-home mom but not a maid or a servant although there has been many times when I have felt like one. I do household chores and cook and grocery shop and run errands and pay the bills because it must be done. When my children were very young all of the domestic stuff was up to me along with training and nurturing them. As they got older, my role transitioned into that of a home manager. This is a blessing that is twofold. By delegating chores and tasks to my children I am teaching them wonderful lessons in responsibility! These will far out-benefit any formal lessons they receive in science or mathematics regardless of the path they take as adults. In addition, I am freed up more to focus on that which I do best, which is nurture them and teach them. I still do many chores, but at this age my kids carry a LARGE chunk of the household upkeep, laundry, and even much of the cooking. And since they are homeschooled, the older ones are quite responsible and independent, even, in their education. There are things they are not yet able to do like running errands and grocery shopping and meal planning and bill paying and schedule planning. My children understand that the whole family benefits when everyone pitches in and contrary to what it feels like society would have us believe, my main objective as a mother is not to do everything for them until they turn 18. My goal is to have them completely self sufficient before they ever spread their wings and leave the mess. It is so frustrating to see this ideal under attack in our society where children who have household chores and must pitch in with the family are labeled as abused. I just cannot understand how that logic makes any sense whatsoever. I cringe when I see teenagers handed late model cars as straight out gifts, when parents work themselves to the bone to pay for their kids college education (which largely goes wasted!) and when parents become irate and irrational when their child does poorly at school- BLAMING THE TEACHERS! The other day my 8 year old made scrambled eggs for the whole family, today my 12 year old scrubbed bathroom floors, made dinner, and did dishes. My 10 year old vacumed, cleaned bathrooms, and did multiple loads of laundry. Its not child abuse- its called good parenting! They were also hugged, kissed, taught, listened to, praised for their good work.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Wise Words, Well Said
I'm a lover of words, so I thought I would share some that have been speaking to me lately, in hopes that you might find they pierce your heart in some way too!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
My Absolute Favorite Bread Recipe
I've tried many ways to make breads but this is my favorite to make and to eat! It definitely helps that its
1) nutritious
2) easy peasy
3) turns out perfect every time
4) doesn't require a bread machine!
5) Requires very few ingredients
In fact, I have the recipe memorized, and my 11yo whips up a loaf like its nobody's business. I originally got it from Nourishing Treasures
Ingredients:
5 c. flour (any, I use unbleached unenriched white flour I get from my local food co-op!)
2 t. active yeast
2 t. sucanat (you can also use brown sugar)
1 t. sea salt
1 c. milk
1 c. hot water
2 T. olive oil
*note: Sucanat is simply dehydrated, fresh sugar can juice, I buy mine in bulk from Amazon!
Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 350.
2) Add 3 cups flour, yeast, sucanat, salt, milk, and hot water to mixing bowl.
3) Stir.
4) Add remaining 2 c. flour (sometimes I have to add a little more to thicken it up, using my stand mixer w/ the dough hook, I consider it good when the dough has "cleaned up" the bowl)
5) Once its mixed thoroughly, add 2T. olive oil and mix in (this is great! It prevents from having to grease the pan and coats it perfectly for the crust of the bread)
6) The dough should slide right out of the bowl into your non-greased bread pan (I use my pampered chef stone bread pan :) )
7) Put pan in oven and then **turn OFF the oven** Set timer for 30 minutes.
8) At the end of 30 minutes, turn the oven back on at 350 and set the timer for 32 minutes.
Prep time: 5 minutes Cook time: 62 minutes
DONE! Perfect everyday bread in roughly an hour! I dare you to try it! And OH isn't it delicious! My family LOVES it and groan over the thought of getting store bough bread. A friend and I did the math, and even with primarily organic ingredients, this bread works out to be about $2/loaf! Not bad at all!! I love that its so simple and quick that even the busiest of moms can whip up a loaf a day!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Forgiveness
Being hurt by another person is a very hard thing. The fact that you were hurt by them means that you first cared deeply. Its rarely just emotional pain that occurs with being betrayed, its physical, mental, and the most often ignored: spiritual. The Bible instructs us to forgive the person who wronged you seventy times seven times. In other words, don't stop forgiving. It tells us when we are slapped in the face, to give the person our other cheek so that they might slap it, too. As a believer, I like to think I've got a good handle on the forgiveness thing. I don't tend to hold a grudge. I am quick to understand that we are all fallible human beings, and that I have no more right to expect perfection from others than they do of me. And I have been wrong many times, and I have been wronged many times. I used to think nothing of my life circumstances, but I've come to realize, when looking back over it, there have been many traumatic after school special type stuff going on throughout my childhood into my adult years. I used to think it was mostly me making bad choices, but I realize that many of the big ones were in fact beyond my control. I think this never occurred to me, because I am a forgiving person.
But God desires more from me. He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe. And I confess, I'm wrestling with it. It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at. What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on. Easily done, at least for me. But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed. I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things. Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa. But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame. Its been awesome being back. But its been challenging too. Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child. Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
Father, I surrender. I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart. I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected. And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep. My heart and hope is in you above all. Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected. Thank you for forgiveness. And commanding us to do the same. Amen.
But God desires more from me. He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe. And I confess, I'm wrestling with it. It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at. What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on. Easily done, at least for me. But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed. I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things. Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa. But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame. Its been awesome being back. But its been challenging too. Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child. Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
Father, I surrender. I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart. I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected. And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep. My heart and hope is in you above all. Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected. Thank you for forgiveness. And commanding us to do the same. Amen.
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