My daughters are a complete and total joy to raise!
I have enjoyed them immensely in the past 11 years I've spent with them so far, and while I anticipate a season of trial is around the corner, I cannot imagine more amazing darling girls with a sweeter pre-teen foundation. Just today they begged to combine their rooms so they can be in the same place. While they don't always agree, and although they all have a bit of bossy-ness, they adore each other. When asked what they want for Christmas, they list a single thing: M wants an easel and some canvas', J wants art supplies, L wants legos. When asked, "What else?" they say, "That's it." ?!?!?! Really? Well, ok, maybe they said a parrot, haha, but that was immediately vetoed so there you have it! American kids with a single thing on their Christmas lists! Amazing, in my mind!
I've been reading more of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and realizing I certainly have much room for improvement on my parenting strategies. I was so grateful to have one of my greatest concerns addressed. My affection for my children is unquestionable, however, I struggle to communicate with them well. I can lecture with great kindness, and entreat them to understanding, but I can really improve on my listening skills, and asking the right questions, digging deeper to know what is at the heart of their reasoning, and then being intentional in my response to always be pointing back to Jesus. Always. Oh, I wish my life were so well prioritized that I always pointed to Jesus, in all things. I'm challenged to work hard on this, and I'm thankful because now I know I will be more aware of when I am communicating punitively.
This has my mind wandering to my desires for my daughters. I speak often to them (lecturing mostly) about the very real adversity in the world towards Truth. And how it appears in its wickedly deceptive form as common sense or wisdom. I urge them to look deeper into such lies and then to cling to real Truth in Jesus Christ, only. Part of these discussions are to prepare them for their futures. As I stated to them the other day, "Your goal should not be for getting into an Ivy League College, or building a successful career, or being admired by many people. Your goal is to be complete in Christ, and you will spend your lives, if you are Truly wise, seeking Him. You are not a failure if you don't make straight A's, if you don't have a big house, or the right clothes. You ought to be more concerned with having these things, and not being in God's will for you."
Let my daughters be missionaries. Let them be homemakers. Let them serve the poor and needy, raise a quiver full of children to bring glory to God, let them deny themselves, and let me lead them by example. Let us be clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh at the (tough) days to come!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
An American Girl
I am prone to harsh feelings towards this nation I live in. Largely a glass-half-full girl, the opposite is true when I'm so overwhelmed by the materialism and escapism that grips the people of this country, myself included.
It disgusts me.
Yet, my disgust is misplaced.
I wonder, if I were to look at the U.S. with my Father's eyes, if I would not view it MUCH differently.
I see materialism, He sees empty souls longing for fulfillment.
I see escapism, He sees broken hearts longing to be healed.
I see hatred, indifference, rebellion; He sees lost, lied to, confused.
"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
I need to remember that I see with broken eyes. Only God sees the true heart. And while I struggle to feel like any love I show makes any impact, I KNOW better. God loves the USA. And my prayer, is that through His great love, He will humble our nation, and soften our hearts to reveal Himself to us, and a revival will happen, where a whole nation returns to its Christ-centered roots. I pray we will be "one nation under God" again.
It disgusts me.
Yet, my disgust is misplaced.
I wonder, if I were to look at the U.S. with my Father's eyes, if I would not view it MUCH differently.
I see materialism, He sees empty souls longing for fulfillment.
I see escapism, He sees broken hearts longing to be healed.
I see hatred, indifference, rebellion; He sees lost, lied to, confused.
"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
I need to remember that I see with broken eyes. Only God sees the true heart. And while I struggle to feel like any love I show makes any impact, I KNOW better. God loves the USA. And my prayer, is that through His great love, He will humble our nation, and soften our hearts to reveal Himself to us, and a revival will happen, where a whole nation returns to its Christ-centered roots. I pray we will be "one nation under God" again.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
In These Days
So much has transpired these last few months.
I feel so much a part of .... a purpose.
I feel increasingly drawn to my Lord.
I feel increasingly burdened for His lost sheep.
Rwanda.
Homeschooling.
Missions in general.
The Truth.
I can hardly wrap my head around it but still I am anxious for more!
Our country is so desperate for something to count on, yet we (generally speaking) completely spit in the face of the One who provides exactly what our hearts long for! How can this be?
Meanwhile, most of the world lives so far below the poverty lines that 25,000 people a day die from hunger related causes.
There are 147 million orphans in the world, desperate for a love. Christians, where are you? You who have the never ending love of the Father, the love of God that spills out overflowing, where are you?
Can you imagine our country if every professing Christ-follower took responsibility for the lost and hurting people. If we truly made it our life's mission, all of us, to share the love of Christ with all that we have? Would there be any hunger? Would there be any poverty? Would there be any orphans? If we lived and loved fully dependent on our Lord, fully engaged in our homes and in our communities? What if a church existed, where every able bodied family adopted an orphan? I'm not talking everyone with a big savings account and more income than they could spend, I'm talking every family with a mother and a father, maybe other children, maybe not. Lets go back deeper, what would the church look like if men loved their wives as Christ loved the church? What would it look like if men lead the home and women humbly submitted to their authority? What if parents lead by example to their children and did life with them, not apart from them? What if we took our own personal debt seriously and every Christian aggressively paid off their debt till there was none? What if women were the picture of godly femininity? What if a mother and homemaker was a respected vocation? What if we fled temptation and guarded our hearts against evil? What if we forgave as we've been forgiven? Can you imagine such an existence this side of heaven? I can! I want to anyways, I want to be a part of a revolution where the Truth is not masked or watered down but given in its entirety and received with humility! I want our country to turn 180 degrees on its heels and I believe the key to this is very simple. For Christians to start acting like Christians.
Think about it. If this were to happen, then there would be such a stark contrast between us and the rest of the world (as God desired there to be) that people would surely sit up and wonder. Why are they so kind? How are they able to forgive? Where does that peace come from? We hold ourselves to such high standards, and to an outsider it seems like an abundance of rules, but the joy and the peace found on the believer shines so bright and so strong that people are drawn, inexplicably, they are pulled in by this strange notion of grace and mercy, they are won over without words, but then they choose to step into that light, and they get it. You can't explain it, but you CAN get it. Oh, that people would get it!
We don't need more classes on how to be a Christ follower. We are taught to death, I feel. We need to go and be and do! Act! We don't need to hear "Everything in Moderation" we need non-believers to say of us "Aren't you taking this to the extreme?" and we say "Yes!! Yes!! Because its THAT important!"
We need a commitment to be rooted in the Word, to humble ourselves before our maker, to do as the spirit leads, to walk by faith. We need to fall into bed every night exhausted but also completely on empty because we have given each day our absolute all- nothing held back, nothing reserved for ourselves. This is the church I long to be a part of. This is the bride I believe the bridegroom desires.
Lord, let it be.
I feel so much a part of .... a purpose.
I feel increasingly drawn to my Lord.
I feel increasingly burdened for His lost sheep.
Rwanda.
Homeschooling.
Missions in general.
The Truth.
I can hardly wrap my head around it but still I am anxious for more!
Our country is so desperate for something to count on, yet we (generally speaking) completely spit in the face of the One who provides exactly what our hearts long for! How can this be?
Meanwhile, most of the world lives so far below the poverty lines that 25,000 people a day die from hunger related causes.
There are 147 million orphans in the world, desperate for a love. Christians, where are you? You who have the never ending love of the Father, the love of God that spills out overflowing, where are you?
Can you imagine our country if every professing Christ-follower took responsibility for the lost and hurting people. If we truly made it our life's mission, all of us, to share the love of Christ with all that we have? Would there be any hunger? Would there be any poverty? Would there be any orphans? If we lived and loved fully dependent on our Lord, fully engaged in our homes and in our communities? What if a church existed, where every able bodied family adopted an orphan? I'm not talking everyone with a big savings account and more income than they could spend, I'm talking every family with a mother and a father, maybe other children, maybe not. Lets go back deeper, what would the church look like if men loved their wives as Christ loved the church? What would it look like if men lead the home and women humbly submitted to their authority? What if parents lead by example to their children and did life with them, not apart from them? What if we took our own personal debt seriously and every Christian aggressively paid off their debt till there was none? What if women were the picture of godly femininity? What if a mother and homemaker was a respected vocation? What if we fled temptation and guarded our hearts against evil? What if we forgave as we've been forgiven? Can you imagine such an existence this side of heaven? I can! I want to anyways, I want to be a part of a revolution where the Truth is not masked or watered down but given in its entirety and received with humility! I want our country to turn 180 degrees on its heels and I believe the key to this is very simple. For Christians to start acting like Christians.
Think about it. If this were to happen, then there would be such a stark contrast between us and the rest of the world (as God desired there to be) that people would surely sit up and wonder. Why are they so kind? How are they able to forgive? Where does that peace come from? We hold ourselves to such high standards, and to an outsider it seems like an abundance of rules, but the joy and the peace found on the believer shines so bright and so strong that people are drawn, inexplicably, they are pulled in by this strange notion of grace and mercy, they are won over without words, but then they choose to step into that light, and they get it. You can't explain it, but you CAN get it. Oh, that people would get it!
We don't need more classes on how to be a Christ follower. We are taught to death, I feel. We need to go and be and do! Act! We don't need to hear "Everything in Moderation" we need non-believers to say of us "Aren't you taking this to the extreme?" and we say "Yes!! Yes!! Because its THAT important!"
We need a commitment to be rooted in the Word, to humble ourselves before our maker, to do as the spirit leads, to walk by faith. We need to fall into bed every night exhausted but also completely on empty because we have given each day our absolute all- nothing held back, nothing reserved for ourselves. This is the church I long to be a part of. This is the bride I believe the bridegroom desires.
Lord, let it be.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Here I Am, Send Me
More.
More churning of the heart.
More knotting of the stomach.
More tears that threaten eyes.
More anxiousness to do something. Anything.
Lord, send me.
Take my life as an offering.
Rwanda. I commit.
Summer of 2012.
Rwanda. I search.
I beckon my heart to be pierced.
It comes swiftly and I'm broken.
Broken hearted for a broken world.
For a lost and lonely people.
For stomachs that knot and hearts that churn and tears that threaten
for food and clean water and medicine and hope.
What will come of this.
I read. Kisses from Katie.
Her heart was shattered for Uganda, for the children.
She was ruined from the states.
Oh, I see this in my future.
I'm halfway there.
I cannot hardly do anything at all without thinking of them.
The children who will die today of malnutrition.
I will go to Rwanda.
And I will be ruined.
I have no idea what will happen after this.
But I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
Its in His will and I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
He spoke it to me weeks ago as I prayed.
I have a piece of you in Africa, go get it.
I have a piece of your story. Of your children's story.
Go, experience, feel, taste, see, hear, smell.
Retrieve.
Return, and be changed forever.
More churning of the heart.
More knotting of the stomach.
More tears that threaten eyes.
More anxiousness to do something. Anything.
Lord, send me.
Take my life as an offering.
Rwanda. I commit.
Summer of 2012.
Rwanda. I search.
I beckon my heart to be pierced.
It comes swiftly and I'm broken.
Broken hearted for a broken world.
For a lost and lonely people.
For stomachs that knot and hearts that churn and tears that threaten
for food and clean water and medicine and hope.
What will come of this.
I read. Kisses from Katie.
Her heart was shattered for Uganda, for the children.
She was ruined from the states.
Oh, I see this in my future.
I'm halfway there.
I cannot hardly do anything at all without thinking of them.
The children who will die today of malnutrition.
I will go to Rwanda.
And I will be ruined.
I have no idea what will happen after this.
But I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
Its in His will and I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
He spoke it to me weeks ago as I prayed.
I have a piece of you in Africa, go get it.
I have a piece of your story. Of your children's story.
Go, experience, feel, taste, see, hear, smell.
Retrieve.
Return, and be changed forever.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Deepish Thoughts
I feel quite reflective lately.
A sweet girl I know, quite young, become a mother recently.
Part of me feels like something has come full circle.
It was just over 11 short years since I sat in those shoes.
A teen mother.
Wow.
When I look back time has passed so swiftly yet the years have been so full.
God has revealed much, but I know I have much still to learn.
And that I ought to be much further along in my understanding, only I have kept myself from it.
But still, what have I learned?
What could I pass on to a young person who is in that place that I was.
Scared. Humbled. Still stubborn and naive to life.
Wanting to know right, but not fully prepared for the extent for which God would like to take me.
If I could impart this one thing: GROW. Chase your Lord, though the Lord does not run from us.
Dear teenager, pursue Him passionately, as you would study to get your license, practice to make the sports team, or w/ the energy you put into getting noticed by that boy/girl you like. Dive into the Word, and don't come up until its pierced your soul. Do hard things and practice what you read.
Secondly, for this young mom, I would have to say, surround yourself with godly women and men. Seriously, a new mom, a mom of young children, and especially a young new mom of young children is in such a vulnerable place. Energy and emotion is sucked dry with the caretaking of an infant, and that leaves a girl's soul wide open to the enemy. This is no time to be taking advice from well-intentioned (or not) but clueless friends either not in that situation or worse, they are. If narrow is the road that leads to heaven, the road for a teen mom is even narrower. When she hasn't had the opportunity to mature fully or grasp a more rounded perspective on life, then things become askew. I used to feel lonely as I was the only person around me my age going through what I was going through and I had many "mother hens" imparting their "wisdom" warranted or not. But now I see with gratitude that God's hand was guarding me, sparing me the misguided guidance of my fellow youth. Here He strategically used older Titus 2 women to set examples. What a blessing. And I was willing most of the time to learn from them. I thank God for giving me a desire to learn, and through the birth of my daughter, the understanding that I don't know it all.
And I have learned through looking back, the power of prayer, as I know many people were praying for me, so I gladly fall to my knees to intercede on this girls life and that of her child and her child's father, knowing fully that God will honor these prayers, because it is the desire of His heart as well to draw this little family unto Him.
A sweet girl I know, quite young, become a mother recently.
Part of me feels like something has come full circle.
It was just over 11 short years since I sat in those shoes.
A teen mother.
Wow.
When I look back time has passed so swiftly yet the years have been so full.
God has revealed much, but I know I have much still to learn.
And that I ought to be much further along in my understanding, only I have kept myself from it.
But still, what have I learned?
What could I pass on to a young person who is in that place that I was.
Scared. Humbled. Still stubborn and naive to life.
Wanting to know right, but not fully prepared for the extent for which God would like to take me.
If I could impart this one thing: GROW. Chase your Lord, though the Lord does not run from us.
Dear teenager, pursue Him passionately, as you would study to get your license, practice to make the sports team, or w/ the energy you put into getting noticed by that boy/girl you like. Dive into the Word, and don't come up until its pierced your soul. Do hard things and practice what you read.
Secondly, for this young mom, I would have to say, surround yourself with godly women and men. Seriously, a new mom, a mom of young children, and especially a young new mom of young children is in such a vulnerable place. Energy and emotion is sucked dry with the caretaking of an infant, and that leaves a girl's soul wide open to the enemy. This is no time to be taking advice from well-intentioned (or not) but clueless friends either not in that situation or worse, they are. If narrow is the road that leads to heaven, the road for a teen mom is even narrower. When she hasn't had the opportunity to mature fully or grasp a more rounded perspective on life, then things become askew. I used to feel lonely as I was the only person around me my age going through what I was going through and I had many "mother hens" imparting their "wisdom" warranted or not. But now I see with gratitude that God's hand was guarding me, sparing me the misguided guidance of my fellow youth. Here He strategically used older Titus 2 women to set examples. What a blessing. And I was willing most of the time to learn from them. I thank God for giving me a desire to learn, and through the birth of my daughter, the understanding that I don't know it all.
And I have learned through looking back, the power of prayer, as I know many people were praying for me, so I gladly fall to my knees to intercede on this girls life and that of her child and her child's father, knowing fully that God will honor these prayers, because it is the desire of His heart as well to draw this little family unto Him.
Monday, November 14, 2011
On Missions
Something happens in my stomach when I consider the ministry of the Lord. Its difficult to describe but I liken it to a churning, gut-deep, kneading like bread in the pit of my belly. You know when you are in an all out, sobbing-out-loud cry, and as you release that sob from your breath and in doing so, you feel it in your core. This sounds so dramatic, but this is what I feel when I consider the lost in this world. Whether it be in regards to nations so poverty-stricken that many of us would not even consider staying a night in their richest homes, or when I think about the Americanized Christianity that thinks themselves saved and thinks themselves to know the Lord and are grossly missing the mark. To paint an accurate picture, I'm not huddled in the corner of my closet in the fetal position with puddles of tears and puffy red eyes, literally. But I dare say my heart feels that way. I've never understood the cultural act during Biblical times of shaving ones' head and tearing ones' clothes and covering ones' self in ashes out of angst and mourning, but I feel as though my heart understands it, even if my head can't wrap around it. To know Jesus Christ, and Him glorified. There is NO other joy than this. There is NO other fulfillment of the hole in our souls than this. And to know there is anyone who walks this life without that fulfillment shatters my heart.
How then shall I live?
In the church sermon yesterday, the guest speaker singled me out and pierced me with these words "We are not doing right." Amen! Yes, Lord! Have I not said as such! My heart cried out in wild agreement and then he drove the spear deeper and listed WHO is not doing it right, and WHO there is a purpose in God's mission for. Among them, he lists "housewife." Ouch, Lord.
But, How then shall I live?
What am I to do?
Feeling this burden is right, but I just don't know what to do with it.
How then shall I live?
In the church sermon yesterday, the guest speaker singled me out and pierced me with these words "We are not doing right." Amen! Yes, Lord! Have I not said as such! My heart cried out in wild agreement and then he drove the spear deeper and listed WHO is not doing it right, and WHO there is a purpose in God's mission for. Among them, he lists "housewife." Ouch, Lord.
But, How then shall I live?
What am I to do?
Feeling this burden is right, but I just don't know what to do with it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Not A Fan
I've been reading a book by Kyle Idleman called "Not A Fan" about what it looks like to be a completely committed follower of Jesus Christ. This is a conviction I have wrestled with practically since my own salvation 15 years ago. Even as a teenager, and quite a rebellious one, there was this ever present whisper in the back of my mind that said, "Its all or nothing." Any amount of Scripture you read would back this up. It's a truth that I think is rarely preached about, and if so, in a light-hearted, stroke your ego type manner. God did not die on the cross so we could have fun, do our own thing, and shout Hallelujah and Amen when our team wins a ball game.
This is such a sensitive topic for me. #1) It gets me so fired up at the injustice we are doing our LORD and SAVIOR with our mediocre luke warm lives. #2) 99% of the time I feel like I'm pretty much alone in this conviction which makes it really really really hard to act in accordance with it. #3) I know that I am not doing everything I could do to live in accordance with it. Perhaps the saying is true that the characteristics that frustrate us the most in other peoples lives are often the ones we wrestle with the most in our own lives.
Right now my Bible sits opened to 1 John 2. Glancing down, I read "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" (v.6) and "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (v.15).
See, my heart tells me that my life's purpose is to do the will of God, to serve Him wholeheartedly, 100% entirely, and in doing so, love others. No exceptions. No excuses. I am called to live on less, and give generously. I am called to deny myself, and become less. I am called to forgive as I have been forgiven. I am called to let go of the trappings of this world, flee temptations, and do hard things.
And in response, I hear from the enemy, through thought or through someone in my life, "Don't go overboard." "God wants you to be happy, to enjoy life." Yes, but I'll only TRULY enjoy this life if I surrender it. And can you worship God with your life too much?
Years ago, a pastor from our church spoke a brief testimony about his recent missions trip to Greece. The only part of that I remember was when he said, "I wondered how I'd share Jesus Christ with people who already believe they new Him." I guess that stuck with me, because I see it everywhere. I want so desperately to be a light in my community, but it seems as though nobody has the slightest clue they are in the dark.
Just now a Scripture comes to mind, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
Dear Lord, I have no desire to inherit the earth, but truly, I want others to. I just want them to know you as I know you and to love you because you are worthy of all love.
For me, it always comes back to this: I am just a simple housewife/homemaker/mother of young children. Uneducated, in a small corner of a grossly rich and largely ignorant country. I live on a culdesac, in a pretty tame neighborhood, what could I possibly do to help anyone?
He is made strong in my weakness. Thank God for that.
This is such a sensitive topic for me. #1) It gets me so fired up at the injustice we are doing our LORD and SAVIOR with our mediocre luke warm lives. #2) 99% of the time I feel like I'm pretty much alone in this conviction which makes it really really really hard to act in accordance with it. #3) I know that I am not doing everything I could do to live in accordance with it. Perhaps the saying is true that the characteristics that frustrate us the most in other peoples lives are often the ones we wrestle with the most in our own lives.
Right now my Bible sits opened to 1 John 2. Glancing down, I read "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" (v.6) and "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (v.15).
See, my heart tells me that my life's purpose is to do the will of God, to serve Him wholeheartedly, 100% entirely, and in doing so, love others. No exceptions. No excuses. I am called to live on less, and give generously. I am called to deny myself, and become less. I am called to forgive as I have been forgiven. I am called to let go of the trappings of this world, flee temptations, and do hard things.
And in response, I hear from the enemy, through thought or through someone in my life, "Don't go overboard." "God wants you to be happy, to enjoy life." Yes, but I'll only TRULY enjoy this life if I surrender it. And can you worship God with your life too much?
Years ago, a pastor from our church spoke a brief testimony about his recent missions trip to Greece. The only part of that I remember was when he said, "I wondered how I'd share Jesus Christ with people who already believe they new Him." I guess that stuck with me, because I see it everywhere. I want so desperately to be a light in my community, but it seems as though nobody has the slightest clue they are in the dark.
Just now a Scripture comes to mind, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
Dear Lord, I have no desire to inherit the earth, but truly, I want others to. I just want them to know you as I know you and to love you because you are worthy of all love.
For me, it always comes back to this: I am just a simple housewife/homemaker/mother of young children. Uneducated, in a small corner of a grossly rich and largely ignorant country. I live on a culdesac, in a pretty tame neighborhood, what could I possibly do to help anyone?
He is made strong in my weakness. Thank God for that.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
How To Face Disappointment
I feel like much of my believing life has been a shuffle of taking 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back. I have recognized this and have been earnestly seeking to remedy it. The enemy deploys his usual antics, and I am learning to recognize his evil hand in it, and resist the temptation. The talons dig deeper, and I'm learning to grip tighter to the Almighty.
Still, despite the consistency of this faith dance... well, lack of faith dance, I always manage to let myself get comfortable, feeling like "things are finally going alright," forgetting that life does not have a cruise control. Not a life lived as a follower anyways.
So, the suckerpunch hits me square in the gut. The legs of my well propped pedastool fling from beneath me, and I find myself asking "what just happened?" and in the same breath knowing the answer.
Oh, its nothing catastrophic. Comparatively. And in part, I'm thankful for the hit. I know better than to be up there, that is no place for me. So, here I sit. Tailbone throbbing, wind leaving lungs, reminded, humbled. And heart hurting. What now? How to respond? What do you do when your hurting? I crave tangible steps. I crave the ears, the shoulder, the heart of a mentor to speak wisdom to me. But God has reserved this place for Himself in this season, and so I grip His robes, wanting to look into His all-knowing eyes and find answers, but feeling too broken to even turn my face to Him.
The enemy says resent. Feel the soothing icyhot of self pity and bitterness. Disappear into a wonderland daydream of what ifs and if onlys. But no. Not this time. Feet planted firmly. This time I won't allow the thoughts to tarry. I grab the leatherbound gift of His presence and curl into those robes I cling to and let Him soothe me with His words, His wisdom, His shoulder. I read till I can read no more. What do I read, specifically? Last night it was mostly Psalms, 2 Peter, some of Acts. Mostly there is no rhyme or reason. Its not what He says, its simply hearing His voice that comforts.
I fall asleep to the sound of His voice echoing in my soul. Not audible, no such restriction as that. But His words on my heart have their own tone and pitch that even trained ears cannot recognize. I awaken with that same voice on heart, life words reach my lips from within. But temptation has not cowarded so quickly, and this is no surprise, but I'm rested and rooted.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Still, despite the consistency of this faith dance... well, lack of faith dance, I always manage to let myself get comfortable, feeling like "things are finally going alright," forgetting that life does not have a cruise control. Not a life lived as a follower anyways.
So, the suckerpunch hits me square in the gut. The legs of my well propped pedastool fling from beneath me, and I find myself asking "what just happened?" and in the same breath knowing the answer.
Oh, its nothing catastrophic. Comparatively. And in part, I'm thankful for the hit. I know better than to be up there, that is no place for me. So, here I sit. Tailbone throbbing, wind leaving lungs, reminded, humbled. And heart hurting. What now? How to respond? What do you do when your hurting? I crave tangible steps. I crave the ears, the shoulder, the heart of a mentor to speak wisdom to me. But God has reserved this place for Himself in this season, and so I grip His robes, wanting to look into His all-knowing eyes and find answers, but feeling too broken to even turn my face to Him.
The enemy says resent. Feel the soothing icyhot of self pity and bitterness. Disappear into a wonderland daydream of what ifs and if onlys. But no. Not this time. Feet planted firmly. This time I won't allow the thoughts to tarry. I grab the leatherbound gift of His presence and curl into those robes I cling to and let Him soothe me with His words, His wisdom, His shoulder. I read till I can read no more. What do I read, specifically? Last night it was mostly Psalms, 2 Peter, some of Acts. Mostly there is no rhyme or reason. Its not what He says, its simply hearing His voice that comforts.
I fall asleep to the sound of His voice echoing in my soul. Not audible, no such restriction as that. But His words on my heart have their own tone and pitch that even trained ears cannot recognize. I awaken with that same voice on heart, life words reach my lips from within. But temptation has not cowarded so quickly, and this is no surprise, but I'm rested and rooted.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Monday, November 7, 2011
thinks that i've thunk
* What does God think about competition? Healthy in moderation? Shouldn't we not compare? Is our competition with others, or with ourselves what matters?
* Thankful for God's answer to pray, that my love for my husband would continuously increase, when through my own evil desires, I'm inclined towards criticism
* The way many of us are most receptive to absorbing knowledge at the beginning of the day, as I watched a neighborhood child this morning, normally restless in nature, sit and listen to our morning devotion, reaffirming how the ideal time for devotional is in fact, in the mornings.
* This Scripture has been continuously on my heart this past year, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." - Matthew 7:21-23 I fell like we would all be wise to consider very seriously our relationship with the Almighty God, and consider which Gospel we claim to believe, and what we are truly living as truth.
* Last night I lay in bed considering the fact that I spent the last hour of my day shuffling between Pinterest and Facebook when LITERALLY there are/were people in the world running for their lives/ being tortured/ risking everything for His Names' Sake. Sometimes, I don't know how to live, I feel so trapped by the trappings of this world, and wish so severely that I could truly let them go. Help me, Lord Jesus.
* Thankful for God's answer to pray, that my love for my husband would continuously increase, when through my own evil desires, I'm inclined towards criticism
* The way many of us are most receptive to absorbing knowledge at the beginning of the day, as I watched a neighborhood child this morning, normally restless in nature, sit and listen to our morning devotion, reaffirming how the ideal time for devotional is in fact, in the mornings.
* This Scripture has been continuously on my heart this past year, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." - Matthew 7:21-23 I fell like we would all be wise to consider very seriously our relationship with the Almighty God, and consider which Gospel we claim to believe, and what we are truly living as truth.
* Last night I lay in bed considering the fact that I spent the last hour of my day shuffling between Pinterest and Facebook when LITERALLY there are/were people in the world running for their lives/ being tortured/ risking everything for His Names' Sake. Sometimes, I don't know how to live, I feel so trapped by the trappings of this world, and wish so severely that I could truly let them go. Help me, Lord Jesus.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November!
I'm so delighted that it is November!
To be honest, I dread Halloween. The drama of working out costumes, the glorification of all things evil, though I would say 90% of people celebrating this day are unaware they are doing that. And lets not forget the 30lbs of candy that sits 3 feet from me right now! Tempted? You bet I am. But more than that I find myself disgusted by the sight of it. That much candy has no business being under my roof.
I've been reading through Leviticus in my Bible reading plan. The dreaded parts of the old testament that spell out offerings and sacrifices and rules and laws that God set for His people. I praise Him for my life post-resurrection, that I am not bound by those rules. But I have also been praying for insight beyond the weighty repetitive nature of the passages, and one major theme has stuck with me through it all.
God protects.
So many of these laws were set to protect the Lord's chosen people from themselves, from the enemy, and from disease. The strict dietary guidelines, when considering a time that was before refrigeration, before knowledge of bacteria and many diseases, was His way of keeping the Israelites from unneccessary illness. The many guidelines for relationships, when considering a time when marrying within the family and heinous sexual habits were rampant, God sets His people apart, preserving family relationships, and keeping from many birth defects, diseases, and other issues.
When you read through this part of Scripture in light of how God is protecting his naive and ignorant people, knowing their propensity for sin, its not quite God putting all kinds of limitations on what you can do, but God protecting His beloved children from what they do not see and understand.
This morning as I read Leviticus 20:26 (and this verse is consistent of the previous couple of chapters) which says: "You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own." Glance at mountain of candy. This is what I believe the Lord is leading me to: God has set apart His people for a purpose. I believe that we are to intentionally and actively set the bar of standards very high. We are to be pure, spotless, without defect. This is an impossible task, but one that we should no relinquish our strain for. As God was establishing His people, He made laws that would set them apart from everyone around them. They would be so much more healthier, more disciplined, more righteous, fair, loving, and God-honoring than any other people group so that everyone would see and know that their God was THE GOD. As means of being salt and light, I believe we should do the same. "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." Glance at mountain of candy.
So many verses are coming to mind right now,
"Consecrate yourselves, before the Lord"
"Honor the Lord with your body"
"I beat my body and make it my slave..."
Glance at mountain of candy. To refine our diets within my household not for the purpose of weightloss or any other reason, but of supreme health and out of direct obedience to the Lord knowing "You are not your own, you were bought with a price..." that seems to be the direction the Lord has been leading me now for weeks and now I see the greatest purpose for it: Him.
To be honest, I dread Halloween. The drama of working out costumes, the glorification of all things evil, though I would say 90% of people celebrating this day are unaware they are doing that. And lets not forget the 30lbs of candy that sits 3 feet from me right now! Tempted? You bet I am. But more than that I find myself disgusted by the sight of it. That much candy has no business being under my roof.
I've been reading through Leviticus in my Bible reading plan. The dreaded parts of the old testament that spell out offerings and sacrifices and rules and laws that God set for His people. I praise Him for my life post-resurrection, that I am not bound by those rules. But I have also been praying for insight beyond the weighty repetitive nature of the passages, and one major theme has stuck with me through it all.
God protects.
So many of these laws were set to protect the Lord's chosen people from themselves, from the enemy, and from disease. The strict dietary guidelines, when considering a time that was before refrigeration, before knowledge of bacteria and many diseases, was His way of keeping the Israelites from unneccessary illness. The many guidelines for relationships, when considering a time when marrying within the family and heinous sexual habits were rampant, God sets His people apart, preserving family relationships, and keeping from many birth defects, diseases, and other issues.
When you read through this part of Scripture in light of how God is protecting his naive and ignorant people, knowing their propensity for sin, its not quite God putting all kinds of limitations on what you can do, but God protecting His beloved children from what they do not see and understand.
This morning as I read Leviticus 20:26 (and this verse is consistent of the previous couple of chapters) which says: "You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own." Glance at mountain of candy. This is what I believe the Lord is leading me to: God has set apart His people for a purpose. I believe that we are to intentionally and actively set the bar of standards very high. We are to be pure, spotless, without defect. This is an impossible task, but one that we should no relinquish our strain for. As God was establishing His people, He made laws that would set them apart from everyone around them. They would be so much more healthier, more disciplined, more righteous, fair, loving, and God-honoring than any other people group so that everyone would see and know that their God was THE GOD. As means of being salt and light, I believe we should do the same. "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." Glance at mountain of candy.
So many verses are coming to mind right now,
"Consecrate yourselves, before the Lord"
"Honor the Lord with your body"
"I beat my body and make it my slave..."
Glance at mountain of candy. To refine our diets within my household not for the purpose of weightloss or any other reason, but of supreme health and out of direct obedience to the Lord knowing "You are not your own, you were bought with a price..." that seems to be the direction the Lord has been leading me now for weeks and now I see the greatest purpose for it: Him.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
What If We Didn't Adore Our Children?
What if our world did not revolve around our kids?
I've spent years in defense of kids who's parents seemed too busy or caught up in their own lives to pay attention to what they are doing and who they are growing up to be, and I maintain that stance.
I'm also of the belief that coddling a child, spoiling a child, babying a child is often a well-intended way to parent, which also happens to yield the opposite of desired results.
And don't I just love my children to pieces! They are such a complete joy and I am in awe of them everyday.
But sometimes I wonder if the fine line between affirming children, and showing we value them, is smudged by making them such high priority.
Assuredly, they are our responsibility, and a great responsibility at that.
But what I'm talking about is when we allow the care and raising of our children to wedge between us and our relationship with God.
And perhaps our relationships with other.
I have to do a self check sometimes. I delight in my daughters so dearly, and I am so passionate about raising them well, that I have to stop and ask: Is my focus more on them than God? By world's standards this is just plain crazy talk. But Jesus did say, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison--your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple." That almost sounds crazy, too. Who is more pro-family than the Lord? But I take this to mean if you put anything before your devotion to God, even family, then that is idol worship. And you cannot both love God with all your heart and worship idols, whatever form that takes.
What does this look like? A parent who cannot seem to let go of their grown children, who stands in the way of God's plans for them. A parent unwilling to do what is right in order to spare their child hardship. When a parent relies on their children or spouse, or any other, to fulfill them when only God is able to do that.
Pray for your children, yes. Be the best stewards of these precious talents God has entrusted you with, yes. Let NOTHING compare with your relationship and love for God, please yes.
As mothers, I think we can become tempted when we have these small beings so reliant on us. I've caught myself in the past, when they were babies, especially, I cherished those times when they "needed" me, and mourned when they grew to rely on others as well. Even now, I relish, perhaps too much, I wonder, the esteem they hold me in. I need to pray for humility here.
I've spent years in defense of kids who's parents seemed too busy or caught up in their own lives to pay attention to what they are doing and who they are growing up to be, and I maintain that stance.
I'm also of the belief that coddling a child, spoiling a child, babying a child is often a well-intended way to parent, which also happens to yield the opposite of desired results.
And don't I just love my children to pieces! They are such a complete joy and I am in awe of them everyday.
But sometimes I wonder if the fine line between affirming children, and showing we value them, is smudged by making them such high priority.
Assuredly, they are our responsibility, and a great responsibility at that.
But what I'm talking about is when we allow the care and raising of our children to wedge between us and our relationship with God.
And perhaps our relationships with other.
I have to do a self check sometimes. I delight in my daughters so dearly, and I am so passionate about raising them well, that I have to stop and ask: Is my focus more on them than God? By world's standards this is just plain crazy talk. But Jesus did say, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison--your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple." That almost sounds crazy, too. Who is more pro-family than the Lord? But I take this to mean if you put anything before your devotion to God, even family, then that is idol worship. And you cannot both love God with all your heart and worship idols, whatever form that takes.
What does this look like? A parent who cannot seem to let go of their grown children, who stands in the way of God's plans for them. A parent unwilling to do what is right in order to spare their child hardship. When a parent relies on their children or spouse, or any other, to fulfill them when only God is able to do that.
Pray for your children, yes. Be the best stewards of these precious talents God has entrusted you with, yes. Let NOTHING compare with your relationship and love for God, please yes.
As mothers, I think we can become tempted when we have these small beings so reliant on us. I've caught myself in the past, when they were babies, especially, I cherished those times when they "needed" me, and mourned when they grew to rely on others as well. Even now, I relish, perhaps too much, I wonder, the esteem they hold me in. I need to pray for humility here.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Living Without Pretense
I feel a fresh understanding of something I often considered, but needed to be challenged in, wash over.
Forgiving others as we are forgiven.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is not a command given to us by God as a "suggestion" to help us gain peace.
To those who have been given much, much is expected.
Consider others better than yourself.
Love one another.
Turn the other cheek.
This is what sets us apart from unbelievers.
Our love and our willingness to forgive.
Our willingness to do unto others as we would have them do, regardless of what they have done.
But do we really do this?
Do we take the the ugly criminal of a grudge, fueled by self righteousness, and do we battle it head on, not relenting till it is completely defeated?
Or do we beat it till we grow tired and then brush it under the carpet, it is weak for a time, but grows stronger, yet out of sight, subtly.
Do we put others before ourselves when it conveniences us?
Or perhaps when we are faced with our own sin and desire a quick feeling of restitution that soothes our wounded spirit?
What if we were able to let go of all pretense, humble ourselves, and swallow our prides, and offer the cup of true forgiveness?
I struggle to know what that even looks like? It doesn't say "I forgive" yet harbor unspoken resentment. It doesn't "forget" the sin until something else happens and then it is remembered with fierce recollection.
Its to go to that person who rubs you the wrong way, who makes your life difficult, who is abrasive, obnoxious, smug. It is to take the basin of water and wrap your cloak around you and kneel and remove their sandals and wash their feet.
Oh, that I would know this level of humility. It feels like a discipline, a depth of holiness, that I am far from grasping. But I desire it, I know in my heart it is worthy of seeking.
Forgive, as you have been forgiven.
Forgiving others as we are forgiven.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is not a command given to us by God as a "suggestion" to help us gain peace.
To those who have been given much, much is expected.
Consider others better than yourself.
Love one another.
Turn the other cheek.
This is what sets us apart from unbelievers.
Our love and our willingness to forgive.
Our willingness to do unto others as we would have them do, regardless of what they have done.
But do we really do this?
Do we take the the ugly criminal of a grudge, fueled by self righteousness, and do we battle it head on, not relenting till it is completely defeated?
Or do we beat it till we grow tired and then brush it under the carpet, it is weak for a time, but grows stronger, yet out of sight, subtly.
Do we put others before ourselves when it conveniences us?
Or perhaps when we are faced with our own sin and desire a quick feeling of restitution that soothes our wounded spirit?
What if we were able to let go of all pretense, humble ourselves, and swallow our prides, and offer the cup of true forgiveness?
I struggle to know what that even looks like? It doesn't say "I forgive" yet harbor unspoken resentment. It doesn't "forget" the sin until something else happens and then it is remembered with fierce recollection.
Its to go to that person who rubs you the wrong way, who makes your life difficult, who is abrasive, obnoxious, smug. It is to take the basin of water and wrap your cloak around you and kneel and remove their sandals and wash their feet.
Oh, that I would know this level of humility. It feels like a discipline, a depth of holiness, that I am far from grasping. But I desire it, I know in my heart it is worthy of seeking.
Forgive, as you have been forgiven.
If God Seems Far Away, Who Moved? 10/23
How great is our God?
How just is He?!
How merciful His hand in my life?!
Who am I that He is mindful of me?
I am but a human.
Nothing, apart from my Creator.
Yet He pours Himself out in me.
He knits my life's moments and experiences.
And sinful is my nature.
Except His nature is in me, so it is not.
How beyond my understanding are His ways?
Yet they are worked together for my gain.
Life is but a blip.
And my life is but a mist.
And my purpose is to glorify Him.
How shamefully I fail.
My prayer can only be for His presence to complete me.
Oh God, how you complete me!
I am a grain of sand, with You there is an endless desert of it.
I am a drop of water, with You there is an endless sea.
In my weakness, He is made strong!
And so, how strong He is made!
For my weakness is great, His strength is greater!
Be magnified, O Lord!
May the whole earth sing of Your praises!
May every breath grant You glory!
May every word utter of Your great love!
How just is He?!
How merciful His hand in my life?!
Who am I that He is mindful of me?
I am but a human.
Nothing, apart from my Creator.
Yet He pours Himself out in me.
He knits my life's moments and experiences.
And sinful is my nature.
Except His nature is in me, so it is not.
How beyond my understanding are His ways?
Yet they are worked together for my gain.
Life is but a blip.
And my life is but a mist.
And my purpose is to glorify Him.
How shamefully I fail.
My prayer can only be for His presence to complete me.
Oh God, how you complete me!
I am a grain of sand, with You there is an endless desert of it.
I am a drop of water, with You there is an endless sea.
In my weakness, He is made strong!
And so, how strong He is made!
For my weakness is great, His strength is greater!
Be magnified, O Lord!
May the whole earth sing of Your praises!
May every breath grant You glory!
May every word utter of Your great love!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Christian" -ish
Sadly, I find it hard to label myself as a "Christian" anymore.
I always want to clarify, "Yes I am a Christian- but not like you might be thinking. I mean, a serious one, Bible-believing, firmly rooted, conservative, repentant, still-a-sinner but work-in-progress."
"No. I mean, yes, I do go to church every week, but its more than that..."
"Yes, Wednesday's too.... (cringe) well, the sinner's prayer, yes, but its more than that..."
"Its not religion, its a relationship...."
"Yes, I talk to Him... no, its not weird... He does answer... well, no, not audibly like you or me..."
"Baptism by emersion..."
"Yes, I actually read my Bible."
"...Well, no, not everyday, but almost."
"No, I'm not judging you, I care, I want you to be blessed, I want you to know so that you'll know, you know?"
I'm fully aware that the title "Christian" has been so watered down it doesn't even register as being credible to most people. I can't even express how much this breaks my heart, frustrates me, and gets my stomach all twisted up.
What I want people to see is that almost all of the heartache they feel and the burdens they carry can be eliminated when they put their full faith in Jesus Christ. To do that is more than a 3 step prayer process, it is a constant continual surrender of ones' self; it is the saturation of one's life with God's Word and prayer, not just reading it, "...and so deceiving yourselves, do what it says;" it is in letting go of the trappings of this world and living relationally instead. In relationship to God, and in relationship to others.
Oh how I wish I could plead with people to get it.
This means less focus on busy things that occupy time and space but lack eternal value. The mom stays home with her children, the dad works less, the kids scale way back on extra-curricular activities, over-achievers achieve less, singles don't bury their singleness in work.
We live on less money. We let go of toys and excess, even the excess we've deceived ourselves into believing is necessity. We let go of bigger houses, fancier cars, exuberant vacations, fads and gadgets. We turn off the TV. We power down the computer. We get over the awkwardness of not knowing how to fill our time without these things. We "strain towards the prize for which we have been called."
Everyday, I see people. I watch them walking on the road, working behind the counter, in line at the store. Their faces, their demeanor, its like I can almost see the big gaping whole in their souls, the cancer in their hearts. Would you like to be healed? My Father is a great physician!
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest."
I always want to clarify, "Yes I am a Christian- but not like you might be thinking. I mean, a serious one, Bible-believing, firmly rooted, conservative, repentant, still-a-sinner but work-in-progress."
"No. I mean, yes, I do go to church every week, but its more than that..."
"Yes, Wednesday's too.... (cringe) well, the sinner's prayer, yes, but its more than that..."
"Its not religion, its a relationship...."
"Yes, I talk to Him... no, its not weird... He does answer... well, no, not audibly like you or me..."
"Baptism by emersion..."
"Yes, I actually read my Bible."
"...Well, no, not everyday, but almost."
"No, I'm not judging you, I care, I want you to be blessed, I want you to know so that you'll know, you know?"
I'm fully aware that the title "Christian" has been so watered down it doesn't even register as being credible to most people. I can't even express how much this breaks my heart, frustrates me, and gets my stomach all twisted up.
What I want people to see is that almost all of the heartache they feel and the burdens they carry can be eliminated when they put their full faith in Jesus Christ. To do that is more than a 3 step prayer process, it is a constant continual surrender of ones' self; it is the saturation of one's life with God's Word and prayer, not just reading it, "...and so deceiving yourselves, do what it says;" it is in letting go of the trappings of this world and living relationally instead. In relationship to God, and in relationship to others.
Oh how I wish I could plead with people to get it.
This means less focus on busy things that occupy time and space but lack eternal value. The mom stays home with her children, the dad works less, the kids scale way back on extra-curricular activities, over-achievers achieve less, singles don't bury their singleness in work.
We live on less money. We let go of toys and excess, even the excess we've deceived ourselves into believing is necessity. We let go of bigger houses, fancier cars, exuberant vacations, fads and gadgets. We turn off the TV. We power down the computer. We get over the awkwardness of not knowing how to fill our time without these things. We "strain towards the prize for which we have been called."
Everyday, I see people. I watch them walking on the road, working behind the counter, in line at the store. Their faces, their demeanor, its like I can almost see the big gaping whole in their souls, the cancer in their hearts. Would you like to be healed? My Father is a great physician!
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest."
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Hallelujah Moment!!
I'm very excited to reflect on a wonderful "Hallelujah" moment we experienced tonight!
For several weeks we have been working our way through a book called Window on the World, every evening reading about a different country or people group and praying over the specific physical and spiritual needs of those people. We have been taking turns, the girls and I, in closing prayer. One night I'll pray, the next M, the next J.
However, when it comes too L we have been hitting quite a roadblock. It behooves me why anyone, let alone a child, would struggle to talk to God. But if you know L, it makes a little more sense, not because it is God, but because it is an open ended task without clear and set boundaries as to how it should be done. In times past, she has gone so far as to have meltdowns when I've tried to explain that you can tell God anything, crying and sobbing out loud. I encourage, but it has come down to me saying, "Ok, repeat after me."
Can you guess what hurdle we cleared tonight? After reading about the homeless and street children around the world, leading to discussions on adoption and appreciation for having loving parents and families, our time for prayer came and since everyone seemed to have something to say, I asked, "Who would like to pray?" M & J volunteered immediately. And I hear this teeny tiny voice next to me chime in, "I think I know what I can pray, mama."
So we let L go first and took turns all praying. My heart could burst listening to her intercession for the children living in sewers and families broken over alchoholism. Lord, thank you! Let their hearts beat for You, let their compassion manifest Your love through their lives!
Something else I found interesting, was the way each child got something unique and different from what we read. Hearing their prayers, and in light of having quizzed them that afternoon to gain insight into their learning styles, I was struck how three children could hear the same information, and have completely different impressions left on their hearts. I mentioned L's take, M prayed against child abuse and for those who helped minister to the children, and J prayed she would always have a heart for adoption and that she would always remember how lucky she is to be loved.
Scripture talks about the church, like a body, having many parts that contribute many different functions. Our family is a beautiful example of five unique individuals, with their own attributes, gifts, and talents, working together as one. For God's glorification, I pray.
For several weeks we have been working our way through a book called Window on the World, every evening reading about a different country or people group and praying over the specific physical and spiritual needs of those people. We have been taking turns, the girls and I, in closing prayer. One night I'll pray, the next M, the next J.
However, when it comes too L we have been hitting quite a roadblock. It behooves me why anyone, let alone a child, would struggle to talk to God. But if you know L, it makes a little more sense, not because it is God, but because it is an open ended task without clear and set boundaries as to how it should be done. In times past, she has gone so far as to have meltdowns when I've tried to explain that you can tell God anything, crying and sobbing out loud. I encourage, but it has come down to me saying, "Ok, repeat after me."
Can you guess what hurdle we cleared tonight? After reading about the homeless and street children around the world, leading to discussions on adoption and appreciation for having loving parents and families, our time for prayer came and since everyone seemed to have something to say, I asked, "Who would like to pray?" M & J volunteered immediately. And I hear this teeny tiny voice next to me chime in, "I think I know what I can pray, mama."
So we let L go first and took turns all praying. My heart could burst listening to her intercession for the children living in sewers and families broken over alchoholism. Lord, thank you! Let their hearts beat for You, let their compassion manifest Your love through their lives!
Something else I found interesting, was the way each child got something unique and different from what we read. Hearing their prayers, and in light of having quizzed them that afternoon to gain insight into their learning styles, I was struck how three children could hear the same information, and have completely different impressions left on their hearts. I mentioned L's take, M prayed against child abuse and for those who helped minister to the children, and J prayed she would always have a heart for adoption and that she would always remember how lucky she is to be loved.
Scripture talks about the church, like a body, having many parts that contribute many different functions. Our family is a beautiful example of five unique individuals, with their own attributes, gifts, and talents, working together as one. For God's glorification, I pray.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Give Me Eyes
God has been faithful to answer this prayer. I wander this world and nearly every person my eyes fall upon, I think, "Do you know Him?"
Follow my gaze. I pull behind a truck at a red light.
Smoke billows out the driver's window.
A woman is squished in the back, forced to turn her body sideways for leg room.
The edge of a carseat pokes out of the top of the passenger side seat.
In the bed of the truck there is a folded up wheelchair.
My hearts asks, "Do you know Him?"
My heart is learning the discipline to not just wonder, but to surrender to the one who knows.
"Lord, reveal Yourself to this little family. I pray for people in their lives to draw them to You. If they know You, Lord, let them be strengthened in You."
The woman in the parking lot, with the fancy hat and the crazy shoes. She's riding in one of those motorized shopping carts. Her offbeat style makes me smile. She's crossing the parking lot and you can see in her facial expression she is willing the cart to go faster. She glances up at me apologetically. I smile. Lord, does she know You?
Driving home, I take the back way. Light rain spatters on my windshield. Debris from the windy rainy day covers the roads. Light branches, sticks, pine needles, nothing that would stop traffic. The wind, I thought, hadn't been extreme by any means. Still, it managed to thin out some trees of what had evidently died enough, becoming detached from its source of nutrients.
Suddenly, Jesus words come to mind about how the Lord cuts off any branches of the vine that do not bear fruit. Always, I had pictured a farmer, clippers in hand, snapping off dead branches. Truthfully, it was more like when a gardener trims back roses or bushes, that will grow back healthier. That is what visually came to mind, though I realize now the error of it. But always I imagined an intentional cut, never picturing (until today) that the Farmer could use alternative methods, should He desire. Perhaps He often does. A light storm is so effective. A test of strength. A brush with adversity. Who will be left standing? Only the ones connected to a True source of strength. Isn't that how our God works? Like seed that has been scattered and taken root. For some the roots were shallow, therefore, easily removed. But others reach deep, their roots are strong from nutrient rich soil. These shall endure, persevere, and bear fruit.
Lord, guide me in your ways, that I might stand firm through life's storms, having endured what life throws at me. And when I have done so, and others wonder how I was able to not be uprooted, Lord, I will tell them of You, my source of strength, my ever present Help in times of need. May You receive all glory and honor!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Today I...
Isn't Pinterest a beautiful thing?!
I love websites where I can go and type a topic into a search engine and am almost guaranteed to get the content I was looking for! Or even better, to "browse" and find what I didn't even realize I had been looking for!
Today was a very rare and very lovely relaxed day. I was actually the first one awake (that never happens!), had nothing pressing to do, and thanks to some hospitable friend who invited us over for dinner, I didn't even have to worry about cooking!
So, what did I do to fill my time? Well, I still managed to find errands that needed running, including taking M to spend her birthday money, but I tinkered around on the above mentioned addiction :) too! I consider it only a waste of time if you don't apply what you are pinning to your real life.
This morning I:
Cleaned out my washing machine with vinegar and bleach.
Cleaned my dishwasher out with Lemon flavored kool-aid packet.
Cleaned my clothes iron base with a fabric softener sheet.
Cleaned the inside of my oven glass with baking soda/water combo.
Cleaned my stainless oven racks in my tub!
This of course, put me in the "zone" and had me detail cleaning my kitchen entirely!
And for good fun, I learned how to make newspaper pirate hats-easiest thing in the world, but I've just never known till now! :)
I love websites where I can go and type a topic into a search engine and am almost guaranteed to get the content I was looking for! Or even better, to "browse" and find what I didn't even realize I had been looking for!
Today was a very rare and very lovely relaxed day. I was actually the first one awake (that never happens!), had nothing pressing to do, and thanks to some hospitable friend who invited us over for dinner, I didn't even have to worry about cooking!
So, what did I do to fill my time? Well, I still managed to find errands that needed running, including taking M to spend her birthday money, but I tinkered around on the above mentioned addiction :) too! I consider it only a waste of time if you don't apply what you are pinning to your real life.
This morning I:
Cleaned out my washing machine with vinegar and bleach.
Cleaned my dishwasher out with Lemon flavored kool-aid packet.
Cleaned my clothes iron base with a fabric softener sheet.
Cleaned the inside of my oven glass with baking soda/water combo.
Cleaned my stainless oven racks in my tub!
This of course, put me in the "zone" and had me detail cleaning my kitchen entirely!
And for good fun, I learned how to make newspaper pirate hats-easiest thing in the world, but I've just never known till now! :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I'm feeling very mindful towards the overwhelming options when it comes to homeschooling.
I'm aware of the enormity of the undertaking and I'm up for it, truly.
I know deep down that I'm plenty equipped to thrive through this journey.
I also know that I will NEED consistent and continual renewing of my spirit to press on through it.
I also know that I will NEED support and a network of women to spur one another on.
Thankfully, I've already found some such women, and it makes my heart glad.
I don't JUST want to homeschool, and this may sound vain, but I want to homeschool with CLASS.
Perhaps my dreams for this are a bit idealistic, and that sometimes worries me.
Like when I imagine having these wonderful conversations w/ my girls & attempt to only to have them fall flat.
I dream of being waist deep alongside them, exploring, and drinking in the knowledge of whatever subject.
Perhaps it will be me knee deep and excited, and begging them to remove their foreheads from the tabletop.
But there have been so many times when I'm not trying so hard when knee deep exploring happened naturally.
Here's where my faith comes in.
I have surrendered this matter in prayer, and I have felt, beyond doubt, this is God's will.
And I have experienced enough times, how God has faithfully and eagerly responded to the desires of my heart.
The relationship I have with my daughters thus far has been every bit the ideal I dreamed of years ago.
So why couldn't it continue?
It won't likely happen at first.
And there were always be times of questioning, frustration, testing.
But ultimately I believe this falls under the Scripture, "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you as well."
I believe this also falls under the Scripture, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I believe that is my objective in homeschooling, to train them in the way they should go.
If these were the promises God provided in His word, then I must put aside doubts, and ignore the naysayers, and refrain from second guessing myself, and strain on towards the goal God has placed on my heart.
My weaknesses are many.
But this is where Christ will be glorified.
And my methods won't be too methodical, my structure might be significantly frayed.
My friend states, "I would be so worried that I would not be able to give them what they need because of the way I am built."
But God has given me these children, knowing how I'm built, and my tendency is to wonder if that is because I am exactly what they need.
Intellectual, I am not.
Though there is a definite place for this, it is not the only place.
My famed Type B personality is not a defect, however.
And I mustn't belittle what I have to offer.
A willingness to get waste deep and to share that experience alongside my littles.
And they could very likely grow to be Type B's also.
But this would not be a defect, this would be were they should go.
And perhaps they'll still come out the other end of childhood, against all odds, structured.
But they will be familiar, and I hope, appreciative, of the laid back which is often frowned upon.
The Lord equips us all differently.
Thank heavens there's no wrong personality type in His eyes. :)
I'm aware of the enormity of the undertaking and I'm up for it, truly.
I know deep down that I'm plenty equipped to thrive through this journey.
I also know that I will NEED consistent and continual renewing of my spirit to press on through it.
I also know that I will NEED support and a network of women to spur one another on.
Thankfully, I've already found some such women, and it makes my heart glad.
I don't JUST want to homeschool, and this may sound vain, but I want to homeschool with CLASS.
Perhaps my dreams for this are a bit idealistic, and that sometimes worries me.
Like when I imagine having these wonderful conversations w/ my girls & attempt to only to have them fall flat.
I dream of being waist deep alongside them, exploring, and drinking in the knowledge of whatever subject.
Perhaps it will be me knee deep and excited, and begging them to remove their foreheads from the tabletop.
But there have been so many times when I'm not trying so hard when knee deep exploring happened naturally.
Here's where my faith comes in.
I have surrendered this matter in prayer, and I have felt, beyond doubt, this is God's will.
And I have experienced enough times, how God has faithfully and eagerly responded to the desires of my heart.
The relationship I have with my daughters thus far has been every bit the ideal I dreamed of years ago.
So why couldn't it continue?
It won't likely happen at first.
And there were always be times of questioning, frustration, testing.
But ultimately I believe this falls under the Scripture, "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you as well."
I believe this also falls under the Scripture, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I believe that is my objective in homeschooling, to train them in the way they should go.
If these were the promises God provided in His word, then I must put aside doubts, and ignore the naysayers, and refrain from second guessing myself, and strain on towards the goal God has placed on my heart.
My weaknesses are many.
But this is where Christ will be glorified.
And my methods won't be too methodical, my structure might be significantly frayed.
My friend states, "I would be so worried that I would not be able to give them what they need because of the way I am built."
But God has given me these children, knowing how I'm built, and my tendency is to wonder if that is because I am exactly what they need.
Intellectual, I am not.
Though there is a definite place for this, it is not the only place.
My famed Type B personality is not a defect, however.
And I mustn't belittle what I have to offer.
A willingness to get waste deep and to share that experience alongside my littles.
And they could very likely grow to be Type B's also.
But this would not be a defect, this would be were they should go.
And perhaps they'll still come out the other end of childhood, against all odds, structured.
But they will be familiar, and I hope, appreciative, of the laid back which is often frowned upon.
The Lord equips us all differently.
Thank heavens there's no wrong personality type in His eyes. :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Home's Cool
I'm excited and ready to embark on this new journey with my precious jewels! Homeschooling!
I'll be unenrolling the children after this school year at the latest, but I'm prayerfully hoping before Christmas break.
At this point, I'm leaning mostly towards the "unschooling" method, but I have a Bible study book I'm going to have us work through, a co-op to consider, probably in math we'll follow at least a workbook with supplemental exercises on the computer. I can't wait to explore History through field trips, classical literature, and documentaries! Next year I'm going to look into music lessons, and at some point I'd love to have us all learn a foreign language through Rosetta Stone or something. I believe this is called "Eclectic Homeschooling" which makes total sense if you know me at all!
I get tickled at the thought that this is actually going to happen! My first notions of homeschooling was a stereotype I had little respect for, and kids I thought were weird and out of touch with reality. Amazing how 15 years and 3 children will change your perspective, not to mention an growing knowledge and experience with the Lord! When I announce my intentions I keep expecting people to laugh, but mostly I have heard, "I can see you doing that." and "You would be great at that."
I think this is largely because I just LOVE my kids so stinkin' much, and I TRULY ENJOY spending time with them and raising them up! As far as book knowledge, I'm tragically ill-equipped. But a love for learning I do not lack!
Here's a list of a few other reasons I'm so sold on this wild and crazy new adventure:
1) My biggest goal: Provide the girls with a Biblical Foundation encouraging a growing knowledge and relationship with the Lord, and a Christian Worldview! I want to raise world changers, not channel changers!
2) My kids won't be held back by the limits that a public education, even at its best, is succumbed to. All my girls have remained at the top of their class, always making honor roll, and often find themselves bored waiting for their next assignment! Homeschooling means we can just keep going to their hearts content!
3) Individualized learning! One-on-one attention means my child won't be looked over because her teacher is one person stretched over 25-30 kids. I have studied my children since their births. I know how they tick, and I can customize a plan that will maximize their learning potential.
4) To foster a passion for learning! I hope to never stop growing as a person, and my prayer is that this will rub off, as it seems to already have, on my offspring! Lets grow, explore, ask questions, analyze, hypothesize, create, consider from many angles, and not be prone to the apathetic response "I just don't want to have to think about it."
5) Flexible schedule: when someone is sick, we can adjust w/o fear of missing lessons. when we want to go out of town or up to visit grandma's- no big! no tension as we rush through getting ready in the morning and out the door.
6) More controlled sphere of influence. God, in his great mercy, has largely shielded the girls from a lot of the perversion and ridiculousness that occurs right under their noses. This, to me, is miraculous and i praise Him for it, but time is nearing where their little ears are burning from whats going on around them. As my oldest faces junior high next year, my throat tightens. There is no need for such an unnecessary premature introduction to the disrespectful, oversexed, underestimated disadvantaged realities so many of our culture's poor children carry around. No sex ed, no evolution, no bomb threats. How's that for a mantra?
7) Less Useless Information! Woot!!! Less mindless memorization, more meaningful life-application! As useful as I've found the logarithms of calculus in my daily life (please read: THICK sarcasm), I just believe our energies would be better spent on more practical learning. Real life. And if I've done my job encouraging a passion for learning, and a particular child develops a passion for advanced mathematics in the meantime, then go, girl, go! But she will also know how to balance a checkbook and divide a recipe. She can memorize dates of famous wars, or she can learn the culture around the war, expolore through biographies of its contemporaries, experience reinactments, and weigh the costs in her own mind and heart.
8) No worries about the teachers! The girls have been fairly blessed, thus far, in their education, but each year, I hold my breath at open house, waiting for the poison apple that will frustrate my child's learning, and bring miserable stress and tension into their lives. Last year we had a teacher who didn't challenge, due to having a difficult class, her focus was on the other students who needed her extra attention, and my daughter struggled to thrive. I remember one child's kindergarten teacher, every single time I had an encounter with her, I remember walking away thinking, "You are a kindergarten teacher and I'm pretty sure you don't even LIKE children."
9) No uniforms!!!!!! Call me a non-conformist, but I hated this for the girls! I understand why, but I'm excited to put that money towards tasteful clothes they actually enjoy! And no more having to buy 800 expo markers or 6 boxes of crayons! No more RIDICULOUS fundraisers! And boring PTA meetings! From now on our PTA meetings will translate to Date Night with the husband!
10) More time!! Half the day is spent in lines, arms crossed, mouths shut. Waiting for the bathroom, waiting for lunch, waiting for their dinky 20 minute recess! Oh, the freedom!! No homework... err... sort of...
There are many more reasons, but those are a few to start with!
I know we'll enjoy it, I know we'll thrive, and I can't wait to say
"We homeschool, because home's cool!" :)
I'll be unenrolling the children after this school year at the latest, but I'm prayerfully hoping before Christmas break.
At this point, I'm leaning mostly towards the "unschooling" method, but I have a Bible study book I'm going to have us work through, a co-op to consider, probably in math we'll follow at least a workbook with supplemental exercises on the computer. I can't wait to explore History through field trips, classical literature, and documentaries! Next year I'm going to look into music lessons, and at some point I'd love to have us all learn a foreign language through Rosetta Stone or something. I believe this is called "Eclectic Homeschooling" which makes total sense if you know me at all!
I get tickled at the thought that this is actually going to happen! My first notions of homeschooling was a stereotype I had little respect for, and kids I thought were weird and out of touch with reality. Amazing how 15 years and 3 children will change your perspective, not to mention an growing knowledge and experience with the Lord! When I announce my intentions I keep expecting people to laugh, but mostly I have heard, "I can see you doing that." and "You would be great at that."
I think this is largely because I just LOVE my kids so stinkin' much, and I TRULY ENJOY spending time with them and raising them up! As far as book knowledge, I'm tragically ill-equipped. But a love for learning I do not lack!
Here's a list of a few other reasons I'm so sold on this wild and crazy new adventure:
1) My biggest goal: Provide the girls with a Biblical Foundation encouraging a growing knowledge and relationship with the Lord, and a Christian Worldview! I want to raise world changers, not channel changers!
2) My kids won't be held back by the limits that a public education, even at its best, is succumbed to. All my girls have remained at the top of their class, always making honor roll, and often find themselves bored waiting for their next assignment! Homeschooling means we can just keep going to their hearts content!
3) Individualized learning! One-on-one attention means my child won't be looked over because her teacher is one person stretched over 25-30 kids. I have studied my children since their births. I know how they tick, and I can customize a plan that will maximize their learning potential.
4) To foster a passion for learning! I hope to never stop growing as a person, and my prayer is that this will rub off, as it seems to already have, on my offspring! Lets grow, explore, ask questions, analyze, hypothesize, create, consider from many angles, and not be prone to the apathetic response "I just don't want to have to think about it."
5) Flexible schedule: when someone is sick, we can adjust w/o fear of missing lessons. when we want to go out of town or up to visit grandma's- no big! no tension as we rush through getting ready in the morning and out the door.
6) More controlled sphere of influence. God, in his great mercy, has largely shielded the girls from a lot of the perversion and ridiculousness that occurs right under their noses. This, to me, is miraculous and i praise Him for it, but time is nearing where their little ears are burning from whats going on around them. As my oldest faces junior high next year, my throat tightens. There is no need for such an unnecessary premature introduction to the disrespectful, oversexed, underestimated disadvantaged realities so many of our culture's poor children carry around. No sex ed, no evolution, no bomb threats. How's that for a mantra?
7) Less Useless Information! Woot!!! Less mindless memorization, more meaningful life-application! As useful as I've found the logarithms of calculus in my daily life (please read: THICK sarcasm), I just believe our energies would be better spent on more practical learning. Real life. And if I've done my job encouraging a passion for learning, and a particular child develops a passion for advanced mathematics in the meantime, then go, girl, go! But she will also know how to balance a checkbook and divide a recipe. She can memorize dates of famous wars, or she can learn the culture around the war, expolore through biographies of its contemporaries, experience reinactments, and weigh the costs in her own mind and heart.
8) No worries about the teachers! The girls have been fairly blessed, thus far, in their education, but each year, I hold my breath at open house, waiting for the poison apple that will frustrate my child's learning, and bring miserable stress and tension into their lives. Last year we had a teacher who didn't challenge, due to having a difficult class, her focus was on the other students who needed her extra attention, and my daughter struggled to thrive. I remember one child's kindergarten teacher, every single time I had an encounter with her, I remember walking away thinking, "You are a kindergarten teacher and I'm pretty sure you don't even LIKE children."
9) No uniforms!!!!!! Call me a non-conformist, but I hated this for the girls! I understand why, but I'm excited to put that money towards tasteful clothes they actually enjoy! And no more having to buy 800 expo markers or 6 boxes of crayons! No more RIDICULOUS fundraisers! And boring PTA meetings! From now on our PTA meetings will translate to Date Night with the husband!
10) More time!! Half the day is spent in lines, arms crossed, mouths shut. Waiting for the bathroom, waiting for lunch, waiting for their dinky 20 minute recess! Oh, the freedom!! No homework... err... sort of...
There are many more reasons, but those are a few to start with!
I know we'll enjoy it, I know we'll thrive, and I can't wait to say
"We homeschool, because home's cool!" :)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Daughters Of Adonai
Adonai is derived from the Hebrew word adoni which means "lord." Adonai is an emphatic plural to show that the Sovereign God is "Lord of lords."
And we, meaning my three & me, are His daughters.
My desire for this little nook is to journal our findings of joy in the dailiness.
My prayer is that, in all things, Jesus Christ will receive glory.
With love,
J
And we, meaning my three & me, are His daughters.
My desire for this little nook is to journal our findings of joy in the dailiness.
My prayer is that, in all things, Jesus Christ will receive glory.
With love,
J
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