Not A Fan

I've been reading a book by Kyle Idleman called "Not A Fan" about what it looks like to be a completely committed follower of Jesus Christ.  This is a conviction I have wrestled with practically since my own salvation 15 years ago.  Even as a teenager, and quite a rebellious one, there was this ever present whisper in the back of my mind that said, "Its all or nothing."  Any amount of Scripture you read would back this up.  It's a truth that I think is rarely preached about, and if so, in a light-hearted, stroke your ego type manner.  God did not die on the cross so we could have fun, do our own thing, and shout Hallelujah and Amen when our team wins a ball game.

This is such a sensitive topic for me.  #1) It gets me so fired up at the injustice we are doing our LORD and SAVIOR with our mediocre luke warm lives.  #2) 99% of the time I feel like I'm pretty much alone in this conviction which makes it really really really hard to act in accordance with it.  #3) I know that I am not doing everything I could do to live in accordance with it.  Perhaps the saying is true that the characteristics that frustrate us the most in other peoples lives are often the ones we wrestle with the most in our own lives.

Right now my Bible sits opened to 1 John 2.  Glancing down, I read "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" (v.6) and "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (v.15).
See, my heart tells me that my life's purpose is to do the will of God, to serve Him wholeheartedly, 100% entirely, and in doing so, love others.  No exceptions.  No excuses.  I am called to live on less, and give generously.  I am called to deny myself, and become less.  I am called to forgive as I have been forgiven.  I am called to let go of the trappings of this world, flee temptations, and do hard things.

And in response, I hear from the enemy, through thought or through someone in my life, "Don't go overboard." "God wants you to be happy, to enjoy life."  Yes, but I'll only TRULY enjoy this life if I surrender it.  And can you worship God with your life too much?

Years ago, a pastor from our church spoke a brief testimony about his recent missions trip to Greece.  The only part of that I remember was when he said, "I wondered how I'd share Jesus Christ with people who already believe they new Him."  I guess that stuck with me, because I see it everywhere.  I want so desperately to be a light in my community, but it seems as though nobody has the slightest clue they are in the dark.

Just now a Scripture comes to mind, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
Dear Lord, I have no desire to inherit the earth, but truly, I want others to.  I just want them to know you as I know you and to love you because you are worthy of all love.

For me, it always comes back to this: I am just a simple housewife/homemaker/mother of young children.  Uneducated, in a small corner of a grossly rich and largely ignorant country.  I live on a culdesac, in a pretty tame neighborhood, what could I possibly do to help anyone?

He is made strong in my weakness.  Thank God for that.