How To Face Disappointment

I feel like much of my believing life has been a shuffle of taking 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back.  I have recognized this and have been earnestly seeking to remedy it.  The enemy deploys his usual antics, and I am learning to recognize his evil hand in it, and resist the temptation.  The talons dig deeper, and I'm learning to grip tighter to the Almighty.

Still, despite the consistency of this faith dance...  well, lack of faith dance, I always manage to let myself get comfortable, feeling like "things are finally going alright," forgetting that life does not have a cruise control.  Not a life lived as a follower anyways.

So, the suckerpunch hits me square in the gut.  The legs of my well propped pedastool fling from beneath me, and I find myself asking "what just happened?" and in the same breath knowing the answer.

Oh, its nothing catastrophic.  Comparatively.  And in part, I'm thankful for the hit.  I know better than to be up there, that is no place for me.  So, here I sit.  Tailbone throbbing, wind leaving lungs, reminded, humbled.  And heart hurting.  What now?  How to respond? What do you do when your hurting?  I crave tangible steps.  I crave the ears, the shoulder, the heart of a mentor to speak wisdom to me.  But God has reserved this place for Himself in this season, and so I grip His robes, wanting to look into His all-knowing eyes and find answers, but feeling too broken to even turn my face to Him.

The enemy says resent.  Feel the soothing icyhot of self pity and bitterness.  Disappear into a wonderland daydream of what ifs and if onlys.  But no.  Not this time.  Feet planted firmly.  This time I won't allow the thoughts to tarry.  I grab the leatherbound gift of His presence and curl into those robes I cling to and let Him soothe me with His words, His wisdom, His shoulder.  I read till I can read no more.  What do I read, specifically?  Last night it was mostly Psalms, 2 Peter, some of Acts.  Mostly there is no rhyme or reason.  Its not what He says, its simply hearing His voice that comforts.

I fall asleep to the sound of His voice echoing in my soul.  Not audible, no such restriction as that.  But His words on my heart have their own tone and pitch that even trained ears cannot recognize.  I awaken with that same voice on heart, life words reach my lips from within.  But temptation has not cowarded so quickly, and this is no surprise, but I'm rested and rooted.

Give us this day our daily bread.