Forgiveness

  Being hurt by another person is a very hard thing.  The fact that you were hurt by them means that you first cared deeply.  Its rarely just emotional pain that occurs with being betrayed, its physical, mental, and the most often ignored: spiritual.  The Bible instructs us to forgive the person who wronged you seventy times seven times.  In other words, don't stop forgiving.  It tells us when we are slapped in the face, to give the person our other cheek so that they might slap it, too.  As a believer, I like to think I've got a good handle on the forgiveness thing.  I don't tend to hold a grudge.  I am quick to understand that we are all fallible human beings, and that I have no more right to expect perfection from others than they do of me.  And I have been wrong many times, and I have been wronged many times.  I used to think nothing of my life circumstances, but I've come to realize, when looking back over it, there have been many traumatic after school special type stuff going on throughout my childhood into my adult years.  I used to think it was mostly me making bad choices, but I realize that many of the big ones were in fact beyond my control.  I think this never occurred to me, because I am a forgiving person.
  But God desires more from me.  He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe.  And I confess, I'm wrestling with it.  It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at.  What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on.  Easily done, at least for me.  But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
  Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed.  I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things.  Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa.  But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame.  Its been awesome being back.  But its been challenging too.  Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child.  Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
  Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
  Father, I surrender.  I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart.  I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected.  And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep.  My heart and hope is in you above all.  Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected.  Thank you for forgiveness.  And commanding us to do the same. Amen.