Rwanda Support Letter

Praying my heart speaks through these words, that God speaks through them into the heart of my friends and family!

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” – Matthew 28:19

Dear Friends and Family,

                I am so excited to share with you about an opportunity I have this summer to go on a short term mission trip to Kigali, Rwanda with an amazing group of students and student leaders! This trip is set to take place June 11-22, 2012.  We will be serving the local people in Rwanda’s capital, visiting local schools, and being a witness for Jesus Christ to these people.  For me, I feel as though this is a trip the Lord has been preparing me for some time for, and I’m thoroughly excited to witness what God has planned!

                This past year God has been at work in my heart in a big way!  He has been opening my eyes and broadening my worldview.  He has been faithfully granting my prayers as I’ve asked, “Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours.”  It’s been, and continues to be, both beautiful (as I draw nearer to Him) and heart-wrenching (as I’ve come to realize just how limited my view has been).

“He has shown  you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” -Micah 6:8

My  heart for Africa

               

“Do not be merely readers of the Word, and so deceive yourselves, do what it says.” –James 1:22

               

As much as I’ve enjoyed and learned and devoured information and Scripture along this journey, I am also compelled to serve and to experience firsthand these places I’m learning about.  Through it all, Africa has been at the forefront of my thoughts so when I was invited to go to Rwanda you can imagine my delight!  Rwanda is often called the heart of Africa.  It’s a small, densely populated country that has known pain like few other countries in history have.  The genocide that devastated this beautiful land in 1994 where an estimated 800,000 people over the course of about 100 days were murdered and the HIV/AIDS epidemic that continues to ravage much of Africa has left 1 in 13 Rwandan citizens today as an orphan.  And yet, Rwanda is a beautiful testimony to the power and healing that comes from picking itself back up, dusting itself off, and pressing onto the prize for which it was called.  Reading and hearing about the testimonies of genocide victims forgiving those who murdered their own family members has been so humbling.  Indeed, Pius Nyakayiro, who will be hosting our trip in Kigali, and whom I’ve heard firsthand of his story when he visited our church this past winter, has experienced the peace that can only come from the Lord, when looking at the face of the ones who took his family’s life, and sincerely offering them forgiveness and desiring restoration for their souls.  How great is our God?!!

My heart for my children

“Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your hearts as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” – Deuteronomy 4:9

                As I prayed over this trip (as resounding a “yes!” it was for me, I still wanted to make SURE it was within God’s will and not just my tendency to get ahead of myself), I felt a clear response from the Lord.  Even though, at this point, the fullness of its meaning remains unknown.  God spoke to me, “Go to Rwanda, there is a piece of your story there I want you to get.  Bring it back, and share it with your daughters, it will be a part of their story as well.”  Many of you may know that Matt and I recently decided to bring the girls home for their education.  One major reason I desired this was to have greater opportunity to teach them truths and values based on the Bible.  The same biblical worldview I desire for myself, I desire for them as well.  I have shared much with them that I have been learning, and I am so excited to set this example by not just teaching them about the Great Commission (see verse at top of letter) but attempting to live it out both here in our own homeland and elsewhere!

My heart for students

“But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” – James 2:18

“A church that lives within its four walls is no church at all.” – Pastor Morgan Chilulu of Zambia

                As I mentioned in the first paragraph, the team God has called on this trip is made up almost entirely of high school students and student leaders within the church.  One of our high school pastors, Allison Murray, is leading the trip, and the other adults are fellow volunteers I serve alongside throughout the week within student ministries.  I have been heavily involved in student ministries for several years now, and am so tickled that God choose to unite my passion for Africa with my passion for students in this way!   Most of the students going on the trip I have had the joy of knowing and watching them grow, they are incredible leaders in our church and in their schools, they love Jesus so dearly and I am absolutely convinced God will use this trip to grow their leadership and His will for them even more!  As a small group leader within the high school ministry, I’m especially excited to have one of my beloved 11^th grade small group girls on the team, as well as one of the girls I led for the past two years who is currently a college freshman.  Several other students on the team have a special place in my heart because they have poured into my own daughters lives, serving in their spare time in children’s ministry! 

                “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” –Matthew 5:16

                I could go on and on about all of the ways God is at work in and around and through my life and the lives of my Rwanda team members, within my church and within the beautiful country of Rwanda.  Indeed, my heart could burst and many times tears have threatened to take over just in the process of writing this letter, I so desire to share how great and deep and far and wide the love of our Heavenly Father is and how His love is manifesting itself all around us daily.  I’m praying the impact of this trip will be powerful and far reaching, with ripples that will expand over time and distance.  As we get ready for Rwanda, I’m praying for God to prepare our hearts, work within the planning and details of the trip, and go before us so that we would be Christ’s Ambassadors, that He would make His appeal through us (2 Corinthians 5:20). Would you consider partnering with me in prayer for this trip?  Would you also pray for and consider partnering financially with us as it will cost $3,000 for each person on the team?  If you could do one or both of these I would be so grateful and I know and am already praying in confidence that God will bless you for your response.

Thank you so much for your time, prayer, love and support!

In Christ,

J

Raising Godly Women

My daughters are a complete and total joy to raise!
I have enjoyed them immensely in the past 11 years I've spent with them so far, and while I anticipate a season of trial is around the corner, I cannot imagine more amazing darling girls with a sweeter pre-teen foundation.  Just today they begged to combine their rooms so they can be in the same place.  While they don't always agree, and although they all have a bit of bossy-ness, they adore each other.  When asked what they want for Christmas, they list a single thing: M wants an easel and some canvas', J wants art supplies, L wants legos.  When asked, "What else?" they say, "That's it."  ?!?!?!  Really? Well, ok, maybe they said a parrot, haha, but that was immediately vetoed so there you have it!  American kids with a single thing on their Christmas lists!  Amazing, in my mind!

I've been reading more of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and realizing I certainly have much room for improvement on my parenting strategies.  I was so grateful to have one of my greatest concerns addressed.  My affection for my children is unquestionable, however, I struggle to communicate with them well.  I can lecture with great kindness, and entreat them to understanding, but I can really improve on my listening skills, and asking the right questions, digging deeper to know what is at the heart of their reasoning, and then being intentional in my response to always be pointing back to Jesus.  Always.  Oh, I wish my life were so well prioritized that I always pointed to Jesus, in all things.  I'm challenged to work hard on this, and I'm thankful because now I know I will be more aware of when I am communicating punitively.

This has my mind wandering to my desires for my daughters.  I speak often to them (lecturing mostly) about the very real adversity in the world towards Truth.  And how it appears in its wickedly deceptive form as common sense or wisdom.  I urge them to look deeper into such lies and then to cling to real Truth in Jesus Christ, only.  Part of these discussions are to prepare them for their futures.  As I stated to them the other day, "Your goal should not be for getting into an Ivy League College, or building a successful career, or being admired by many people.  Your goal is to be complete in Christ, and you will spend your lives, if you are Truly wise, seeking Him.  You are not a failure if you don't make straight A's, if you don't have a big house, or  the right clothes.  You ought to be more concerned with having these things, and not being in God's will for you."

Let my daughters be missionaries.  Let them be homemakers.  Let them serve the poor and needy, raise a quiver full of children to bring glory to God, let them deny themselves, and let me lead them by example.  Let us be clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh at the (tough) days to come!

An American Girl

I am prone to harsh feelings towards this nation I live in.  Largely a glass-half-full girl, the opposite is true when I'm so overwhelmed by the materialism and escapism that grips the people of this country, myself included.
It disgusts me.
Yet, my disgust is misplaced.
I wonder, if I were to look at the U.S. with my Father's eyes, if I would not view it MUCH differently.

I see materialism, He sees empty souls longing for fulfillment.
I see escapism, He sees broken hearts longing to be healed.
I see hatred, indifference, rebellion; He sees lost, lied to, confused.
"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12

I need to remember that I see with broken eyes.  Only God sees the true heart.  And while I struggle to feel like any love I show makes any impact, I KNOW better. God loves the USA.  And my prayer, is that through His great love, He will humble our nation, and soften our hearts to reveal Himself to us, and a revival will happen, where a whole nation returns to its Christ-centered roots.  I pray we will be "one nation under God" again.

In These Days

So much has transpired these last few months.
I feel so much a part of .... a purpose.
I feel increasingly drawn to my Lord.
I feel increasingly burdened for His lost sheep.

Rwanda.
Homeschooling.
Missions in general.
The Truth.

I can hardly wrap my head around it but still I am anxious for more!

Our country is so desperate for something to count on, yet we (generally speaking) completely spit in the face of the One who provides exactly what our hearts long for!  How can this be?
Meanwhile, most of the world lives so far below the poverty lines that 25,000 people a day die from hunger related causes.
There are 147 million orphans in the world, desperate for a love.  Christians, where are you? You who have the never ending love of the Father, the love of God that spills out overflowing, where are you?

Can you imagine our country if every professing Christ-follower took responsibility for the lost and hurting people.  If we truly made it our life's mission, all of us, to share the love of Christ with all that we have?  Would there be any hunger?  Would there be any poverty?  Would there be any orphans?  If we lived and loved fully dependent on our Lord, fully engaged in our homes and in our communities?  What if a church existed, where every able bodied family adopted an orphan?  I'm not talking everyone with a big savings account and more income than they could spend, I'm talking every family with a mother and a father, maybe other children, maybe not.  Lets go back deeper, what would the church look like if men loved their wives as Christ loved the church?  What would it look like if men lead the home and women humbly submitted to their authority?  What if parents lead by example to their children and did life with them, not apart from them?  What if we took our own personal debt seriously and every Christian aggressively paid off their debt till there was none? What if women were the picture of godly femininity?  What if a mother and homemaker was a respected vocation?  What if we fled temptation and guarded our hearts against evil?  What if we forgave as we've been forgiven?  Can you imagine such an existence this side of heaven?  I can! I want to anyways, I want to be a part of a revolution where the Truth is not masked or watered down but given in its entirety and received with humility!  I want our country to turn 180 degrees on its heels and I believe the key to this is very simple.  For Christians to start acting like Christians.

Think about it.  If this were to happen, then there would be such a stark contrast between us and the rest of the world (as God desired there to be) that people would surely sit up and wonder.  Why are they so kind?  How are they able to forgive?  Where does that peace come from?  We hold ourselves to such high standards, and to an outsider it seems like an abundance of rules, but the joy and the peace found on the believer shines so bright and so strong that people are drawn, inexplicably, they are pulled in by this strange notion of grace and mercy, they are won over without words, but then they choose to step into that light, and they get it.  You can't explain it, but you CAN get it.  Oh, that people would get it!

We don't need more classes on how to be a Christ follower.  We are taught to death, I feel.  We need to go and be and do!  Act!  We don't need to hear "Everything in Moderation" we need non-believers to say of us "Aren't you taking this to the extreme?" and we say "Yes!! Yes!!  Because its THAT important!"
We need a commitment to be rooted in the Word, to humble ourselves before our maker, to do as the spirit leads, to walk by faith.  We need to fall into bed every night exhausted but also completely on empty because we have given each day our absolute all- nothing held back, nothing reserved for ourselves.  This is the church I long to be a part of.  This is the bride I believe the bridegroom desires.

Lord, let it be.

Here I Am, Send Me

More.
More churning of the heart.
More knotting of the stomach.
More tears that threaten eyes.
More anxiousness to do something. Anything.
Lord, send me.
Take my life as an offering.

Rwanda.  I commit.
Summer of 2012.
Rwanda.  I search.
I beckon my heart to be pierced.
It comes swiftly and I'm broken.
Broken hearted for a broken world.
For a lost and lonely people.
For stomachs that knot and hearts that churn and tears that threaten
for food and clean water and medicine and hope.

What will come of this.
I read. Kisses from Katie.
Her heart was shattered for Uganda, for the children.
She was ruined from the states.
Oh, I see this in my future.
I'm halfway there.
I cannot hardly do anything at all without thinking of them.
The children who will die today of malnutrition.

I will go to Rwanda.
And I will be ruined.
I have no idea what will happen after this.
But I cannot wait.  I cannot wait.
Its in His will and I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
He spoke it to me weeks ago as I prayed.
I have a piece of you in Africa, go get it.
I have a piece of your story.  Of your children's story.
Go, experience, feel, taste, see, hear, smell.
Retrieve.
Return, and be changed forever.

Deepish Thoughts

I feel quite reflective lately.
A sweet girl I know, quite young, become a mother recently.
Part of me feels like something has come full circle.
It was just over 11 short years since I sat in those shoes.
A teen mother.
Wow.
When I look back time has passed so swiftly yet the years have been so full.
God has revealed much, but I know I have much still to learn.
And that I ought to be much further along in my understanding, only I have kept myself from it.

But still, what have I learned?
What could I pass on to a young person who is in that place that I was.
Scared.  Humbled.  Still stubborn and naive to life.
Wanting to know right, but not fully prepared for the extent for which God would like to take me.

If I could impart this one thing: GROW.  Chase your Lord, though the Lord does not run from us.
Dear teenager, pursue Him passionately, as you would study to get your license, practice to make the sports team, or w/ the energy you put into getting noticed by that boy/girl you like.  Dive into the Word, and don't come up until its pierced your soul.  Do hard things and practice what you read.
Secondly, for this young mom, I would have to say, surround yourself with godly women and men.  Seriously, a new mom, a mom of young children, and especially a young new mom of young children is in such a vulnerable place.  Energy and emotion is sucked dry with the caretaking of an infant, and that leaves a girl's soul wide open to the enemy.  This is no time to be taking advice from well-intentioned (or not) but clueless friends either not in that situation or worse, they are.  If narrow is the road that leads to heaven, the road for a teen mom is even narrower.  When she hasn't had the opportunity to mature fully or grasp a more rounded perspective on life, then things become askew.  I used to feel lonely as I was the only person around me my age going through what I was going through and I had many "mother hens" imparting their "wisdom" warranted or not.  But now I see with gratitude that God's hand was guarding me, sparing me the misguided guidance of my fellow youth.  Here He strategically used older Titus 2 women to set examples.  What a blessing.  And I was willing most of the time to learn from them.  I thank God for giving me a desire to learn, and through the birth of my daughter, the understanding that I don't know it all.

And I have learned through looking back, the power of prayer, as I know many people were praying for me, so I gladly fall to my knees to intercede on this girls life and that of her child and her child's father, knowing fully that God will honor these prayers, because it is the desire of His heart as well to draw this little family unto Him.

On Missions

  Something happens in my stomach when I consider the ministry of the Lord.  Its difficult to describe but I liken it to a churning, gut-deep, kneading like bread in the pit of my belly.  You know when you are in an all out, sobbing-out-loud cry, and as you release that sob from your breath and in doing so, you feel it in your core.  This sounds so dramatic, but this is what I feel when I consider the lost in this world.  Whether it be in regards to nations so poverty-stricken that many of us would not even consider staying a night in their richest homes, or when I think about the Americanized Christianity that thinks themselves saved and thinks themselves to know the Lord and are grossly missing the mark.  To paint an accurate picture, I'm not huddled in the corner of my closet in the fetal position with puddles of tears and puffy red eyes, literally.  But I dare say my heart feels that way.  I've never understood the cultural act during Biblical times of shaving ones' head and tearing ones' clothes and covering ones' self in ashes out of angst and mourning, but I feel as though my heart understands it, even if my head can't wrap around it.  To know Jesus Christ, and Him glorified.  There is NO other joy than this.  There is NO other fulfillment of the hole in our souls than this.  And to know there is anyone who walks this life without that fulfillment shatters my heart.
  How then shall I live?
  In the church sermon yesterday, the guest speaker singled me out and pierced me with these words "We are not doing right."  Amen! Yes, Lord! Have I not said as such!  My heart cried out in wild agreement and then he drove the spear deeper and listed WHO is not doing it right, and WHO there is a purpose in God's mission for.  Among them, he lists "housewife."  Ouch, Lord.
  But, How then shall I live?
  What am I to do?
  Feeling this burden is right, but I just don't know what to do with it.