Without Facebook I Am...

Free!

The month of March included a commitment to log off of social media entirely.  No facebook, no twitter, no pinterest (gasp!).  I deleted the apps from my phone and it has been glorious.  A small part of me misses keeping up with certain friends, feeling a little out of the loop.  Mostly, though, I'm so relieved to be out of the loop.  Its a tough thing to admit you are so hooked on something.  Immediately I am defensive, "I'm not on it nearly as often as many people!" or "It's just to pass the time while I'm waiting for something else." but it's not.  You are waiting for the kids to get ready to leave, then suddenly they are waiting for you because you have been sucked in to that endless newsfeed, that none-of-your-business debate, or some vacation album from some "acquaintance from high school."  Yeah, there definitely needed to be less of that in my life.  And admitting it was the first step.  There is a place in your heart where the Holy Spirit whispers, "This is a stronghold."  And often we dismiss it refusing to entertain even the idea it might be correct.  But enough is enough.  I needed to accept this was a weakness.  And if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out.  So says the Lord.  Is spending long periods of time online at the expense of your family a sin? YES! I needed to call it what it was.  So how have I fared without an online presence? Taking back the margin in my life and instead allowing those quiet moments for God to speak or to think through what He has already spoken has been worth the sacrifice a hundred fold!  Will I go back?  Not without tremendous restriction and accountability.  The apps are gone for good.  The logging back in will be for trial.  And should I get sucked in again, then I will gauge it out of my life, never to see so-and-so's vacation pictures again!

My kids and I also unplugged the TV this month.  To my delight and all of their surprise, they have not missed it a bit!  Its crazy when you know that these children are notorious for zoning out when any tv or movie is in the vicinity.  Bombs could go off without a blinked eye between the three of them.  We have had so many fantastic discussions, they have played together beautifully, and have not complained once about the sacrifice I asked them to make.  We have recently talked about what "life after March" will be like and have agreed to greatly reduce and regulate tv watching (i'm certain by now we sound crazy, they were not allowed to watch much tv before, but most recently the rules had become lax), and we have decided that if its still a problem, then we will sell our tv! how's that for extreme?! And the big shock was that the kids all agreed!

I know most of us would quickly agree that the media is in large a big waste of time and that its common knowledge that we all need to cut back.  I was tired of just saying that though. I don't want to talk about wanting a deeper relationship with God, and spending time reading His word, serving His people, praying TO Him, and yet not giving Him those sacred in between moments.  I am finding endless wonder and beauty in those in between moments! I'm finding a renewed spirit and a steadfast heart, a restoration of the joy of my salvation! And yes, even conviction! That blessed conviction that, when revealed and allowed to be worked on and through, leads to maturity and perseverance which must finish its work in us.

Prime time in our household now consists of:

Circles in Life

  Oh how I delight in witnessing how the Lord works all things together for His good.  I am so thankful for all of the people and resources over the years that I have been introduced to and that have influenced and inspired.  In my own life I have seen multiple times the way that God has planted a seed in my heart for something, allowed the seed to be SEEMINGLY forgotten (at least by me - but NOT by Him) and then come full circle years later!

  This happened to me when, as a teenager and a new Christian, I had a heart for my peers.  I wanted them to know and experience the freedom that comes when you choose to follow Jesus Christ.  I wanted them to see its not lame or boring or a buzz kill, like I had thought it was.  The Lord was igniting a flame.  As my youth quickly turned into motherhood, with young children to look after, I had all but forgotten about those feelings and desires.  A decade later and the idea of working with students was something I found entirely intimidating, but I was praying about where to serve in my church and the Lord held out a hand and pulled me into student ministries.  The initial apprehension soon gave way for a euphoric peace and excitement in being a part of His ministry to teenagers.  I have learned an immense amount of knowledge in the past 4 years and while I know it has shaped me for future circumstances, I just plain love what I do!

  I remember when my oldest was about six weeks old.  I cradled her round little body and looked into her big magical eyes and considered her life and wondered at what it would hold.  This particular time, the result of this trail of thinking wound up leaving me in a panicked anxiety attack.  At six weeks old I was having heart palpitations about where my daughter would go to school!  I felt it urgent to have this figured out.  I had heard all of the time about how fleeting these moments of them being young were and I was certain at any moment I would blink and she would be 5 years old and I would be caught unprepared.  Silly girl.  But it did start some thinking.  When she was nearing school-age I was stressing again.  Private school was out of our budget, and public school seemed to promise moral disintegration almost immediately.  I questioned home school, but my husband immediately shut it down.  His own home school experience had left more than a sour taste about the whole concept.  Eventually, through much prayer, I released my child into the best public school in our county (which isn't saying much), and into the Lord's care, trusting that God would use here to be a light to those around her and that He would protect her from evil.  I cannot put into words how extraordinarily God answered those prayers!!! She spent six years in that school, having mostly teachers who share our same values, thriving!  Her younger sisters followed behind her.  Fast forward to the beginning of fifth grade, and I was once again experiencing that same anxiety as my baby girl was heading full speed ahead into adolescence and middle school.  Middle school years are among the most awkward in a child's life, and while we had a great experience with our elementary school, there were really no good options for grades 6-8.  I prayed.  God answered.  He put people in my husbands life who gently yet enthusiastically showed him that home education is NOT what it used to be, or at least not as he experienced it.  My husband learned about how active families are, how much support there is, and he couldn't help but notice how mature and respectable the homeschooled children around us were.  He was won over.  And our daughters and I leaped at the opportunity and haven't looked back since!

  Lately it seems that God is drawing me full circle back to one of my earlier ideals.  As a 19 year old sitting beside my fiance and posed with the question of how many children I would like to have, I eagerly responded 8! There was no particular affinity for that number, I just knew I loved children and loved the idea of having a big close-knit family.  It was those two motives that encouraged me and my husband to have our children close together.  With three daughters ages 4 and under and barely able to pay the bills, my husband truly felt the pressure to seal off the prospect of our family growing any larger.  As he did that, my dream of a big family died.  I never quite felt I was done, though.  That notorious "baby fever" has never left.  I wondered at that, but as years passed, I have focused on delighting in the children God has given us, and wading through, sometimes unsuccessfully, the storms that have nearly flattened us.  The Lord teaches us so much in those storms.  I have learned to be grateful for them, immensely.

  This brings me to the past year or two where that flame that started in my idealistic naive teenaged mind has recently been fanned again.  I still have those "we aren't done yet" feelings, and like contractions during labor, they seem to become more intense and more often with each passing day.  Whats crazy is that I still cannot see how this is at all possible.  My husband is still confident in his opinion that three is enough, and that the financial burden of adding to that is more than he wishes to bare.  Bless his heart, how I long for him to know the freedom that comes from laying our burdens down at the foot of the cross and taking up the yoke of the Lord which is light!! I am also, 100% convinced that God is working things together for our family to grow.  I have no clue how or when or how much, but its exciting!  I am somewhat relieved not to be able to imagine these things, it makes it so much more exciting to bear witness as it is played out, or often, in hindsight because that's usually how it goes.  That old familiar feeling is there, the Holy Spirit within that impresses upon my heart, "Hang tight, something big is about to happen!"

What is a mom?

I believe that a mom's primary role in a family is to nurture.  I am a stay-at-home mom but not a maid or a servant although there has been many times when I have felt like one.  I do household chores and cook and grocery shop and run errands and pay the bills because it must be done.  When my children were very young all of the domestic stuff was up to me along with training and nurturing them.  As they got older, my role transitioned into that of a home manager.  This is a blessing that is twofold.  By delegating chores and tasks to my children I am teaching them wonderful lessons in responsibility! These will far out-benefit any formal lessons they receive in science or mathematics regardless of the path they take as adults.  In addition, I am freed up more to focus on that which I do best, which is nurture them and teach them.  I still do many chores, but at this age my kids carry a LARGE chunk of the household upkeep, laundry, and even much of the cooking.  And since they are homeschooled, the older ones are quite responsible and independent, even, in their education.  There are things they are not yet able to do like running errands and grocery shopping and meal planning and bill paying and schedule planning.  My children understand that the whole family benefits when everyone pitches in and contrary to what it feels like society would have us believe, my main objective as a mother is not to do everything for them until they turn 18.  My goal is to have them completely self sufficient before they ever spread their wings and leave the mess.  It is so frustrating to see this ideal under attack in our society where children who have household chores and must pitch in with the family are labeled as abused.  I just cannot understand how that logic makes any sense whatsoever.  I cringe when I see teenagers handed late model cars as straight out gifts, when parents work themselves to the bone to pay for their kids college education (which largely goes wasted!) and when parents become irate and irrational when their child does poorly at school- BLAMING THE TEACHERS!  The other day my 8 year old made scrambled eggs for the whole family, today my 12 year old scrubbed bathroom floors, made dinner, and did dishes.  My 10 year old vacumed, cleaned bathrooms, and did multiple loads of laundry.  Its not child abuse- its called good parenting! They were also hugged, kissed, taught, listened to, praised for their good work.

Wise Words, Well Said

I'm a lover of words, so I thought I would share some that have been speaking to me lately, in hopes that you might find they pierce your heart in some way too!

My Absolute Favorite Bread Recipe

I've tried many ways to make breads but this is my favorite to make and to eat!  It definitely helps that its
1) nutritious
2) easy peasy
3) turns out perfect every time
4) doesn't require a bread machine!
5) Requires very few ingredients

In fact, I have the recipe memorized, and my 11yo whips up a loaf like its nobody's business.  I originally got it from Nourishing Treasures

Ingredients:
5 c. flour (any, I use unbleached unenriched white flour I get from my local food co-op!)
2 t. active yeast
2 t. sucanat (you can also use brown sugar)
1 t. sea salt
1 c. milk
1 c. hot water
2 T. olive oil

*note: Sucanat is simply dehydrated, fresh sugar can juice, I buy mine in bulk from Amazon!

Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 350.
2) Add 3 cups flour, yeast, sucanat, salt, milk, and hot water to mixing bowl.
3) Stir.
4) Add remaining 2 c. flour (sometimes I have to add a little more to thicken it up, using my stand mixer w/ the dough hook, I consider it good when the dough has "cleaned up" the bowl)
5) Once its mixed thoroughly, add 2T. olive oil and mix in (this is great! It prevents from having to grease the pan and coats it perfectly for the crust of the bread)
6) The dough should slide right out of the bowl into your non-greased bread pan (I use my pampered chef stone bread pan :) )
7) Put pan in oven and then **turn OFF the oven** Set timer for 30 minutes.
8) At the end of 30 minutes, turn the oven back on at 350 and set the timer for 32 minutes.

Prep time: 5 minutes          Cook time: 62 minutes

DONE! Perfect everyday bread in roughly an hour!  I dare you to try it! And OH isn't it delicious!  My family LOVES it and groan over the thought of getting store bough bread.  A friend and I did the math, and even with primarily organic ingredients, this bread works out to be about $2/loaf! Not bad at all!! I love that its so simple and quick that even the busiest of moms can whip up a loaf a day!

Forgiveness

  Being hurt by another person is a very hard thing.  The fact that you were hurt by them means that you first cared deeply.  Its rarely just emotional pain that occurs with being betrayed, its physical, mental, and the most often ignored: spiritual.  The Bible instructs us to forgive the person who wronged you seventy times seven times.  In other words, don't stop forgiving.  It tells us when we are slapped in the face, to give the person our other cheek so that they might slap it, too.  As a believer, I like to think I've got a good handle on the forgiveness thing.  I don't tend to hold a grudge.  I am quick to understand that we are all fallible human beings, and that I have no more right to expect perfection from others than they do of me.  And I have been wrong many times, and I have been wronged many times.  I used to think nothing of my life circumstances, but I've come to realize, when looking back over it, there have been many traumatic after school special type stuff going on throughout my childhood into my adult years.  I used to think it was mostly me making bad choices, but I realize that many of the big ones were in fact beyond my control.  I think this never occurred to me, because I am a forgiving person.
  But God desires more from me.  He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe.  And I confess, I'm wrestling with it.  It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at.  What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on.  Easily done, at least for me.  But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
  Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed.  I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things.  Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa.  But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame.  Its been awesome being back.  But its been challenging too.  Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child.  Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
  Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
  Father, I surrender.  I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart.  I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected.  And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep.  My heart and hope is in you above all.  Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected.  Thank you for forgiveness.  And commanding us to do the same. Amen.

Rwanda Support Letter

Praying my heart speaks through these words, that God speaks through them into the heart of my friends and family!

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” – Matthew 28:19

Dear Friends and Family,

                I am so excited to share with you about an opportunity I have this summer to go on a short term mission trip to Kigali, Rwanda with an amazing group of students and student leaders! This trip is set to take place June 11-22, 2012.  We will be serving the local people in Rwanda’s capital, visiting local schools, and being a witness for Jesus Christ to these people.  For me, I feel as though this is a trip the Lord has been preparing me for some time for, and I’m thoroughly excited to witness what God has planned!

                This past year God has been at work in my heart in a big way!  He has been opening my eyes and broadening my worldview.  He has been faithfully granting my prayers as I’ve asked, “Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours.”  It’s been, and continues to be, both beautiful (as I draw nearer to Him) and heart-wrenching (as I’ve come to realize just how limited my view has been).

“He has shown  you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” -Micah 6:8

My  heart for Africa

               

“Do not be merely readers of the Word, and so deceive yourselves, do what it says.” –James 1:22

               

As much as I’ve enjoyed and learned and devoured information and Scripture along this journey, I am also compelled to serve and to experience firsthand these places I’m learning about.  Through it all, Africa has been at the forefront of my thoughts so when I was invited to go to Rwanda you can imagine my delight!  Rwanda is often called the heart of Africa.  It’s a small, densely populated country that has known pain like few other countries in history have.  The genocide that devastated this beautiful land in 1994 where an estimated 800,000 people over the course of about 100 days were murdered and the HIV/AIDS epidemic that continues to ravage much of Africa has left 1 in 13 Rwandan citizens today as an orphan.  And yet, Rwanda is a beautiful testimony to the power and healing that comes from picking itself back up, dusting itself off, and pressing onto the prize for which it was called.  Reading and hearing about the testimonies of genocide victims forgiving those who murdered their own family members has been so humbling.  Indeed, Pius Nyakayiro, who will be hosting our trip in Kigali, and whom I’ve heard firsthand of his story when he visited our church this past winter, has experienced the peace that can only come from the Lord, when looking at the face of the ones who took his family’s life, and sincerely offering them forgiveness and desiring restoration for their souls.  How great is our God?!!

My heart for my children

“Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your hearts as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” – Deuteronomy 4:9

                As I prayed over this trip (as resounding a “yes!” it was for me, I still wanted to make SURE it was within God’s will and not just my tendency to get ahead of myself), I felt a clear response from the Lord.  Even though, at this point, the fullness of its meaning remains unknown.  God spoke to me, “Go to Rwanda, there is a piece of your story there I want you to get.  Bring it back, and share it with your daughters, it will be a part of their story as well.”  Many of you may know that Matt and I recently decided to bring the girls home for their education.  One major reason I desired this was to have greater opportunity to teach them truths and values based on the Bible.  The same biblical worldview I desire for myself, I desire for them as well.  I have shared much with them that I have been learning, and I am so excited to set this example by not just teaching them about the Great Commission (see verse at top of letter) but attempting to live it out both here in our own homeland and elsewhere!

My heart for students

“But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” – James 2:18

“A church that lives within its four walls is no church at all.” – Pastor Morgan Chilulu of Zambia

                As I mentioned in the first paragraph, the team God has called on this trip is made up almost entirely of high school students and student leaders within the church.  One of our high school pastors, Allison Murray, is leading the trip, and the other adults are fellow volunteers I serve alongside throughout the week within student ministries.  I have been heavily involved in student ministries for several years now, and am so tickled that God choose to unite my passion for Africa with my passion for students in this way!   Most of the students going on the trip I have had the joy of knowing and watching them grow, they are incredible leaders in our church and in their schools, they love Jesus so dearly and I am absolutely convinced God will use this trip to grow their leadership and His will for them even more!  As a small group leader within the high school ministry, I’m especially excited to have one of my beloved 11^th grade small group girls on the team, as well as one of the girls I led for the past two years who is currently a college freshman.  Several other students on the team have a special place in my heart because they have poured into my own daughters lives, serving in their spare time in children’s ministry! 

                “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” –Matthew 5:16

                I could go on and on about all of the ways God is at work in and around and through my life and the lives of my Rwanda team members, within my church and within the beautiful country of Rwanda.  Indeed, my heart could burst and many times tears have threatened to take over just in the process of writing this letter, I so desire to share how great and deep and far and wide the love of our Heavenly Father is and how His love is manifesting itself all around us daily.  I’m praying the impact of this trip will be powerful and far reaching, with ripples that will expand over time and distance.  As we get ready for Rwanda, I’m praying for God to prepare our hearts, work within the planning and details of the trip, and go before us so that we would be Christ’s Ambassadors, that He would make His appeal through us (2 Corinthians 5:20). Would you consider partnering with me in prayer for this trip?  Would you also pray for and consider partnering financially with us as it will cost $3,000 for each person on the team?  If you could do one or both of these I would be so grateful and I know and am already praying in confidence that God will bless you for your response.

Thank you so much for your time, prayer, love and support!

In Christ,

J