I just began reading a book that I've had on my shelves for awhile now called Almost Amish by Nancy Sleeth. Coincidentally, it served as the perfect accompaniment for me to take while the kids played at the park on this gorgeous spring day!
I have only read the first chapter but I thought I could do a review as sorts. I'm discovering that much of what Sleeth suggests for gaining a simpler, slower-paced lifestyle are things I've already applied and am reaping the rewards in my own life, so I can vouch that it is truly possible and worth the sacrifice.
I love the way the Lord works. The author tells in the introduction how living "Almost Amish" came to be in her family, the way God worked in their lives and their work to draw them not only to a more sustainable lifestyle, but also to Himself. God is not complicated, even though He is wonderfully and wildly creative and His thoughts are infinitely higher than ours, He knows His creation, and made us as we are, and provided just what we need without it being overwhelming or impossible. It is us, His creation, that has made it overwhelming and impossible. Nothing about the death and resurrection was simple or easy, but that was God's work. The Lord made the Way for us to be restored to Him, He sent the sacrifice, and He did what needed to be done so that even our eternal salvation was not complicated on our parts. We need only to turn from our narrow-minded self-focused lives and receive Him as savior. No amount of good deeds, Hail Mary's or complicated Ikea-furniture-style instructions, just turn and receive. Praise God for this!
I love the way the author and her husband saw the wisdom of the Amish lifestyle. Such insight and discernment seems so rare these days. To not just see something, but to allow it to be mulled over in ones mind, researched and considered from all angles, and then responded to. And indeed they did respond, and made it their lives work! The Bible says that it is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich person to enter the gates of heaven. As a modern-day American, I can see how this would be possible. I am every bit tempted by the lure of fanciful and pretty stuffs as the next girl, and I know how lonely the road is of those walking away from all of that. Like a fish swimming upstream. Yet Mr. and Mrs. Sleeth have done it, it seems. Beginning even higher up on the success ladder, living among what they call "trustfundians," they began downsizing, simplifying, and reducing their carbon footprints. That takes some serious conviction and determination, and is an inspiration to see that it IS possible to do!
Chapter one talks about homes, and ways they have simplified their living conditions. I've already mentioned their downsizing, they have done it several times over in the years, much of it gladly and willingly, but the author confesses missing a few things. Its important to note, as I hope her readers do, that it is OK to miss things. I wonder how many people write it off and say "See! She misses things! That is why I could never do that!" I'd doubt if anyone would admit it, but I think we, in our culture, believe that if its the least bit uncomfortable, then it is not worth it. We use this type of excuse the minute we get the chance when we are "trying" to do something good that requires personal sacrifice. "I draw the line at ____________!" "I'm trying to eat healthy but I draw the line at eliminating __________!" "I'm all for spending less, but I refuse to give up my _________________!" The truth is, the "sacrifices" we make, aren't much sacrifice at all. I'm the chief of sinners in this. Even as I read about Nancy air drying her clothes instead of using a dryer, I drew my line. And followed it up with a strong (in my mind) list of justifications. "Anything worth doing requires sacrifice" is a quote of yesteryear, outdated in modern society if we are being honest with ourselves. And I am CONVINCED we miss out on so many blessings that would blow our comfort-seeking minds because of it!
So. Down-sizing homes. As I write, we live in a two bedroom 1200 square foot apartment. That's me and my three young daughters, third floor. We love it. We had a slightly larger, but still small by many american standards, home on a quiet cul-de-sac in the back of a subdivision six months ago, and the mortgage to go with it. When we moved here, we recognized that we would need to let go of more than a few things to keep our new place from C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome-borrowed from FlyLady). I am not a pack-rat by nature so was surprised by the multiple trips to Goodwill and the mountains left by the curb on trash day! I was ecstatic to let it all go, though, and haven't missed a single thing (if I could even recall what we got rid of!). My girls were sharing a room by choice in our other place so it was not much of a sacrifice to go down to two bedrooms here. They adore each other and rarely is there rivalry. I think people think I simply got lucky, but while I recognize it as a blessing from God that they are so close, I have always encouraged the girls to look after one another, serve each other, handle their disagreements without fighting (even as toddlers, I made it a point when one would tattle, to have them talk out their problems together, in kindness, and without me playing referee- I think this has helped a ton! I can't tell you how many times my kids have heard me say, "Is that the best way to handle that? Go back in there and handle it nicely." or "How could you say that differently to your sister?" but it paid off and their relationships are stronger in part to it!)
One of the places we "feel the pinch" in our small home is in the kitchen. With three daughters, its not uncommon to have one unloading the dishwasher, one cooking, and one getting a snack all at the same time. I tend to get frustrated here, but then I remember this is what its all about. This is why the kitchen is the best room in the house! The Amish recognize this, as the author points out, and so do we! When we are doing a dance around one another to get to the drawer/cabinet/oven/fridge we are learning to work together, communicate, and act with patience.
I loved the advice Sleeth gave to resist the urge to re-clutter once you have de-cluttered your home. Really consider if you really need an item before you purchase it. Focus on a few high-quality items over a bunch of cheaper quality stuff. Be hospitable, and don't think that must mean elaborate meals and events. This is something I'm currently working on. I used to never have people over because I could not pull off a spectacular, magazine-spread-worthy meal, complete with fancy settings and nice linens, and a menu of complimenting food choices. In addition, I was always embarrassed by my house's "lived in" look. Lately, however, I find myself inviting others over much more often, even though its a small place and its a workout for people to climb up to my front door, and I still don't have much to offer, I've found that nobody seems to mind, which I should have known all along!
Another piece of advice the author offers is something that I feel God has been speaking to me about a lot lately and that is clothing. If you were to compare me and my closet with that of an average american woman, I like to think its pretty modest. I don't have expensive stuff, I live in jeans and t-shirts, I don't have a shoe habit or purse habit or jewelry habit or anything like that. Still, if you compare me with the majority of women in the world, I know that I am rich beyond comprehension and the amount of clothing I have reflects that. The part that God is working with me on, however, is to take away the desire to have those nice things. What I wear and what I'd like to wear are polar opposites. I'd much rather dress girly and adorable. Its just not practical for me right now to do that. And I'm learning to be OK with that. At the same time, I'm considering what Deuteronomy 22:5 says, "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this." Now, I know that many people would say, "Lighten up! That's old testament stuff!" but I think that if God really goes to the point to say He detests something, then it probably isn't saying "I detest it in that cultural time frame, any other time is fine, though." Call it a hunch. So I am on the look out for a modest, inexpensive, yet still practical wardrobe makeover. So far, its been pretty tough, as you can imagine! The author, Nancy Sleeth, does not address the issue of dressing feminine in the book, that is just a bunny trail that her writing on having a few simple items instead of closets and drawers busting at the seams sent me on!
For my kids, who also don't have a lot compared to other kids their age, and don't seem to be bothered much by it, we have talked a lot lately about shopping at consignment shops and dressing girly (which they aren't yet keen on) and thinking even more on modesty than we already do (which, I promise, we do!). The big temptation for them, as it is for me, will be to resist indulging in fads and making idols of modern fashion. We are great at shopping sales and they, in particular, are fantastic at sharing clothes, too! This helps a lot, and I find myself increasingly thankful that the Lord blessed me with three children of the same gender and close enough in age where this is possible!
Lastly, I enjoyed the nuggets of wisdom- quotes from other writers that the author included. And so, I leave you with my favorite one from chapter one,
"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers." - William Wordsworth
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Without Facebook I Am...
Free!
The month of March included a commitment to log off of social media entirely. No facebook, no twitter, no pinterest (gasp!). I deleted the apps from my phone and it has been glorious. A small part of me misses keeping up with certain friends, feeling a little out of the loop. Mostly, though, I'm so relieved to be out of the loop. Its a tough thing to admit you are so hooked on something. Immediately I am defensive, "I'm not on it nearly as often as many people!" or "It's just to pass the time while I'm waiting for something else." but it's not. You are waiting for the kids to get ready to leave, then suddenly they are waiting for you because you have been sucked in to that endless newsfeed, that none-of-your-business debate, or some vacation album from some "acquaintance from high school." Yeah, there definitely needed to be less of that in my life. And admitting it was the first step. There is a place in your heart where the Holy Spirit whispers, "This is a stronghold." And often we dismiss it refusing to entertain even the idea it might be correct. But enough is enough. I needed to accept this was a weakness. And if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. So says the Lord. Is spending long periods of time online at the expense of your family a sin? YES! I needed to call it what it was. So how have I fared without an online presence? Taking back the margin in my life and instead allowing those quiet moments for God to speak or to think through what He has already spoken has been worth the sacrifice a hundred fold! Will I go back? Not without tremendous restriction and accountability. The apps are gone for good. The logging back in will be for trial. And should I get sucked in again, then I will gauge it out of my life, never to see so-and-so's vacation pictures again!
My kids and I also unplugged the TV this month. To my delight and all of their surprise, they have not missed it a bit! Its crazy when you know that these children are notorious for zoning out when any tv or movie is in the vicinity. Bombs could go off without a blinked eye between the three of them. We have had so many fantastic discussions, they have played together beautifully, and have not complained once about the sacrifice I asked them to make. We have recently talked about what "life after March" will be like and have agreed to greatly reduce and regulate tv watching (i'm certain by now we sound crazy, they were not allowed to watch much tv before, but most recently the rules had become lax), and we have decided that if its still a problem, then we will sell our tv! how's that for extreme?! And the big shock was that the kids all agreed!
I know most of us would quickly agree that the media is in large a big waste of time and that its common knowledge that we all need to cut back. I was tired of just saying that though. I don't want to talk about wanting a deeper relationship with God, and spending time reading His word, serving His people, praying TO Him, and yet not giving Him those sacred in between moments. I am finding endless wonder and beauty in those in between moments! I'm finding a renewed spirit and a steadfast heart, a restoration of the joy of my salvation! And yes, even conviction! That blessed conviction that, when revealed and allowed to be worked on and through, leads to maturity and perseverance which must finish its work in us.
Prime time in our household now consists of:
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The month of March included a commitment to log off of social media entirely. No facebook, no twitter, no pinterest (gasp!). I deleted the apps from my phone and it has been glorious. A small part of me misses keeping up with certain friends, feeling a little out of the loop. Mostly, though, I'm so relieved to be out of the loop. Its a tough thing to admit you are so hooked on something. Immediately I am defensive, "I'm not on it nearly as often as many people!" or "It's just to pass the time while I'm waiting for something else." but it's not. You are waiting for the kids to get ready to leave, then suddenly they are waiting for you because you have been sucked in to that endless newsfeed, that none-of-your-business debate, or some vacation album from some "acquaintance from high school." Yeah, there definitely needed to be less of that in my life. And admitting it was the first step. There is a place in your heart where the Holy Spirit whispers, "This is a stronghold." And often we dismiss it refusing to entertain even the idea it might be correct. But enough is enough. I needed to accept this was a weakness. And if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. So says the Lord. Is spending long periods of time online at the expense of your family a sin? YES! I needed to call it what it was. So how have I fared without an online presence? Taking back the margin in my life and instead allowing those quiet moments for God to speak or to think through what He has already spoken has been worth the sacrifice a hundred fold! Will I go back? Not without tremendous restriction and accountability. The apps are gone for good. The logging back in will be for trial. And should I get sucked in again, then I will gauge it out of my life, never to see so-and-so's vacation pictures again!
My kids and I also unplugged the TV this month. To my delight and all of their surprise, they have not missed it a bit! Its crazy when you know that these children are notorious for zoning out when any tv or movie is in the vicinity. Bombs could go off without a blinked eye between the three of them. We have had so many fantastic discussions, they have played together beautifully, and have not complained once about the sacrifice I asked them to make. We have recently talked about what "life after March" will be like and have agreed to greatly reduce and regulate tv watching (i'm certain by now we sound crazy, they were not allowed to watch much tv before, but most recently the rules had become lax), and we have decided that if its still a problem, then we will sell our tv! how's that for extreme?! And the big shock was that the kids all agreed!
I know most of us would quickly agree that the media is in large a big waste of time and that its common knowledge that we all need to cut back. I was tired of just saying that though. I don't want to talk about wanting a deeper relationship with God, and spending time reading His word, serving His people, praying TO Him, and yet not giving Him those sacred in between moments. I am finding endless wonder and beauty in those in between moments! I'm finding a renewed spirit and a steadfast heart, a restoration of the joy of my salvation! And yes, even conviction! That blessed conviction that, when revealed and allowed to be worked on and through, leads to maturity and perseverance which must finish its work in us.
Prime time in our household now consists of:
.JPG)
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Circles in Life
Oh how I delight in witnessing how the Lord works all things together for His good. I am so thankful for all of the people and resources over the years that I have been introduced to and that have influenced and inspired. In my own life I have seen multiple times the way that God has planted a seed in my heart for something, allowed the seed to be SEEMINGLY forgotten (at least by me - but NOT by Him) and then come full circle years later!
This happened to me when, as a teenager and a new Christian, I had a heart for my peers. I wanted them to know and experience the freedom that comes when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. I wanted them to see its not lame or boring or a buzz kill, like I had thought it was. The Lord was igniting a flame. As my youth quickly turned into motherhood, with young children to look after, I had all but forgotten about those feelings and desires. A decade later and the idea of working with students was something I found entirely intimidating, but I was praying about where to serve in my church and the Lord held out a hand and pulled me into student ministries. The initial apprehension soon gave way for a euphoric peace and excitement in being a part of His ministry to teenagers. I have learned an immense amount of knowledge in the past 4 years and while I know it has shaped me for future circumstances, I just plain love what I do!
I remember when my oldest was about six weeks old. I cradled her round little body and looked into her big magical eyes and considered her life and wondered at what it would hold. This particular time, the result of this trail of thinking wound up leaving me in a panicked anxiety attack. At six weeks old I was having heart palpitations about where my daughter would go to school! I felt it urgent to have this figured out. I had heard all of the time about how fleeting these moments of them being young were and I was certain at any moment I would blink and she would be 5 years old and I would be caught unprepared. Silly girl. But it did start some thinking. When she was nearing school-age I was stressing again. Private school was out of our budget, and public school seemed to promise moral disintegration almost immediately. I questioned home school, but my husband immediately shut it down. His own home school experience had left more than a sour taste about the whole concept. Eventually, through much prayer, I released my child into the best public school in our county (which isn't saying much), and into the Lord's care, trusting that God would use here to be a light to those around her and that He would protect her from evil. I cannot put into words how extraordinarily God answered those prayers!!! She spent six years in that school, having mostly teachers who share our same values, thriving! Her younger sisters followed behind her. Fast forward to the beginning of fifth grade, and I was once again experiencing that same anxiety as my baby girl was heading full speed ahead into adolescence and middle school. Middle school years are among the most awkward in a child's life, and while we had a great experience with our elementary school, there were really no good options for grades 6-8. I prayed. God answered. He put people in my husbands life who gently yet enthusiastically showed him that home education is NOT what it used to be, or at least not as he experienced it. My husband learned about how active families are, how much support there is, and he couldn't help but notice how mature and respectable the homeschooled children around us were. He was won over. And our daughters and I leaped at the opportunity and haven't looked back since!
Lately it seems that God is drawing me full circle back to one of my earlier ideals. As a 19 year old sitting beside my fiance and posed with the question of how many children I would like to have, I eagerly responded 8! There was no particular affinity for that number, I just knew I loved children and loved the idea of having a big close-knit family. It was those two motives that encouraged me and my husband to have our children close together. With three daughters ages 4 and under and barely able to pay the bills, my husband truly felt the pressure to seal off the prospect of our family growing any larger. As he did that, my dream of a big family died. I never quite felt I was done, though. That notorious "baby fever" has never left. I wondered at that, but as years passed, I have focused on delighting in the children God has given us, and wading through, sometimes unsuccessfully, the storms that have nearly flattened us. The Lord teaches us so much in those storms. I have learned to be grateful for them, immensely.
This brings me to the past year or two where that flame that started in my idealistic naive teenaged mind has recently been fanned again. I still have those "we aren't done yet" feelings, and like contractions during labor, they seem to become more intense and more often with each passing day. Whats crazy is that I still cannot see how this is at all possible. My husband is still confident in his opinion that three is enough, and that the financial burden of adding to that is more than he wishes to bare. Bless his heart, how I long for him to know the freedom that comes from laying our burdens down at the foot of the cross and taking up the yoke of the Lord which is light!! I am also, 100% convinced that God is working things together for our family to grow. I have no clue how or when or how much, but its exciting! I am somewhat relieved not to be able to imagine these things, it makes it so much more exciting to bear witness as it is played out, or often, in hindsight because that's usually how it goes. That old familiar feeling is there, the Holy Spirit within that impresses upon my heart, "Hang tight, something big is about to happen!"
This happened to me when, as a teenager and a new Christian, I had a heart for my peers. I wanted them to know and experience the freedom that comes when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. I wanted them to see its not lame or boring or a buzz kill, like I had thought it was. The Lord was igniting a flame. As my youth quickly turned into motherhood, with young children to look after, I had all but forgotten about those feelings and desires. A decade later and the idea of working with students was something I found entirely intimidating, but I was praying about where to serve in my church and the Lord held out a hand and pulled me into student ministries. The initial apprehension soon gave way for a euphoric peace and excitement in being a part of His ministry to teenagers. I have learned an immense amount of knowledge in the past 4 years and while I know it has shaped me for future circumstances, I just plain love what I do!
I remember when my oldest was about six weeks old. I cradled her round little body and looked into her big magical eyes and considered her life and wondered at what it would hold. This particular time, the result of this trail of thinking wound up leaving me in a panicked anxiety attack. At six weeks old I was having heart palpitations about where my daughter would go to school! I felt it urgent to have this figured out. I had heard all of the time about how fleeting these moments of them being young were and I was certain at any moment I would blink and she would be 5 years old and I would be caught unprepared. Silly girl. But it did start some thinking. When she was nearing school-age I was stressing again. Private school was out of our budget, and public school seemed to promise moral disintegration almost immediately. I questioned home school, but my husband immediately shut it down. His own home school experience had left more than a sour taste about the whole concept. Eventually, through much prayer, I released my child into the best public school in our county (which isn't saying much), and into the Lord's care, trusting that God would use here to be a light to those around her and that He would protect her from evil. I cannot put into words how extraordinarily God answered those prayers!!! She spent six years in that school, having mostly teachers who share our same values, thriving! Her younger sisters followed behind her. Fast forward to the beginning of fifth grade, and I was once again experiencing that same anxiety as my baby girl was heading full speed ahead into adolescence and middle school. Middle school years are among the most awkward in a child's life, and while we had a great experience with our elementary school, there were really no good options for grades 6-8. I prayed. God answered. He put people in my husbands life who gently yet enthusiastically showed him that home education is NOT what it used to be, or at least not as he experienced it. My husband learned about how active families are, how much support there is, and he couldn't help but notice how mature and respectable the homeschooled children around us were. He was won over. And our daughters and I leaped at the opportunity and haven't looked back since!
Lately it seems that God is drawing me full circle back to one of my earlier ideals. As a 19 year old sitting beside my fiance and posed with the question of how many children I would like to have, I eagerly responded 8! There was no particular affinity for that number, I just knew I loved children and loved the idea of having a big close-knit family. It was those two motives that encouraged me and my husband to have our children close together. With three daughters ages 4 and under and barely able to pay the bills, my husband truly felt the pressure to seal off the prospect of our family growing any larger. As he did that, my dream of a big family died. I never quite felt I was done, though. That notorious "baby fever" has never left. I wondered at that, but as years passed, I have focused on delighting in the children God has given us, and wading through, sometimes unsuccessfully, the storms that have nearly flattened us. The Lord teaches us so much in those storms. I have learned to be grateful for them, immensely.
This brings me to the past year or two where that flame that started in my idealistic naive teenaged mind has recently been fanned again. I still have those "we aren't done yet" feelings, and like contractions during labor, they seem to become more intense and more often with each passing day. Whats crazy is that I still cannot see how this is at all possible. My husband is still confident in his opinion that three is enough, and that the financial burden of adding to that is more than he wishes to bare. Bless his heart, how I long for him to know the freedom that comes from laying our burdens down at the foot of the cross and taking up the yoke of the Lord which is light!! I am also, 100% convinced that God is working things together for our family to grow. I have no clue how or when or how much, but its exciting! I am somewhat relieved not to be able to imagine these things, it makes it so much more exciting to bear witness as it is played out, or often, in hindsight because that's usually how it goes. That old familiar feeling is there, the Holy Spirit within that impresses upon my heart, "Hang tight, something big is about to happen!"
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
What is a mom?
I believe that a mom's primary role in a family is to nurture. I am a stay-at-home mom but not a maid or a servant although there has been many times when I have felt like one. I do household chores and cook and grocery shop and run errands and pay the bills because it must be done. When my children were very young all of the domestic stuff was up to me along with training and nurturing them. As they got older, my role transitioned into that of a home manager. This is a blessing that is twofold. By delegating chores and tasks to my children I am teaching them wonderful lessons in responsibility! These will far out-benefit any formal lessons they receive in science or mathematics regardless of the path they take as adults. In addition, I am freed up more to focus on that which I do best, which is nurture them and teach them. I still do many chores, but at this age my kids carry a LARGE chunk of the household upkeep, laundry, and even much of the cooking. And since they are homeschooled, the older ones are quite responsible and independent, even, in their education. There are things they are not yet able to do like running errands and grocery shopping and meal planning and bill paying and schedule planning. My children understand that the whole family benefits when everyone pitches in and contrary to what it feels like society would have us believe, my main objective as a mother is not to do everything for them until they turn 18. My goal is to have them completely self sufficient before they ever spread their wings and leave the mess. It is so frustrating to see this ideal under attack in our society where children who have household chores and must pitch in with the family are labeled as abused. I just cannot understand how that logic makes any sense whatsoever. I cringe when I see teenagers handed late model cars as straight out gifts, when parents work themselves to the bone to pay for their kids college education (which largely goes wasted!) and when parents become irate and irrational when their child does poorly at school- BLAMING THE TEACHERS! The other day my 8 year old made scrambled eggs for the whole family, today my 12 year old scrubbed bathroom floors, made dinner, and did dishes. My 10 year old vacumed, cleaned bathrooms, and did multiple loads of laundry. Its not child abuse- its called good parenting! They were also hugged, kissed, taught, listened to, praised for their good work.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Wise Words, Well Said
I'm a lover of words, so I thought I would share some that have been speaking to me lately, in hopes that you might find they pierce your heart in some way too!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
My Absolute Favorite Bread Recipe
I've tried many ways to make breads but this is my favorite to make and to eat! It definitely helps that its
1) nutritious
2) easy peasy
3) turns out perfect every time
4) doesn't require a bread machine!
5) Requires very few ingredients
In fact, I have the recipe memorized, and my 11yo whips up a loaf like its nobody's business. I originally got it from Nourishing Treasures
Ingredients:
5 c. flour (any, I use unbleached unenriched white flour I get from my local food co-op!)
2 t. active yeast
2 t. sucanat (you can also use brown sugar)
1 t. sea salt
1 c. milk
1 c. hot water
2 T. olive oil
*note: Sucanat is simply dehydrated, fresh sugar can juice, I buy mine in bulk from Amazon!
Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 350.
2) Add 3 cups flour, yeast, sucanat, salt, milk, and hot water to mixing bowl.
3) Stir.
4) Add remaining 2 c. flour (sometimes I have to add a little more to thicken it up, using my stand mixer w/ the dough hook, I consider it good when the dough has "cleaned up" the bowl)
5) Once its mixed thoroughly, add 2T. olive oil and mix in (this is great! It prevents from having to grease the pan and coats it perfectly for the crust of the bread)
6) The dough should slide right out of the bowl into your non-greased bread pan (I use my pampered chef stone bread pan :) )
7) Put pan in oven and then **turn OFF the oven** Set timer for 30 minutes.
8) At the end of 30 minutes, turn the oven back on at 350 and set the timer for 32 minutes.
Prep time: 5 minutes Cook time: 62 minutes
DONE! Perfect everyday bread in roughly an hour! I dare you to try it! And OH isn't it delicious! My family LOVES it and groan over the thought of getting store bough bread. A friend and I did the math, and even with primarily organic ingredients, this bread works out to be about $2/loaf! Not bad at all!! I love that its so simple and quick that even the busiest of moms can whip up a loaf a day!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Forgiveness
Being hurt by another person is a very hard thing. The fact that you were hurt by them means that you first cared deeply. Its rarely just emotional pain that occurs with being betrayed, its physical, mental, and the most often ignored: spiritual. The Bible instructs us to forgive the person who wronged you seventy times seven times. In other words, don't stop forgiving. It tells us when we are slapped in the face, to give the person our other cheek so that they might slap it, too. As a believer, I like to think I've got a good handle on the forgiveness thing. I don't tend to hold a grudge. I am quick to understand that we are all fallible human beings, and that I have no more right to expect perfection from others than they do of me. And I have been wrong many times, and I have been wronged many times. I used to think nothing of my life circumstances, but I've come to realize, when looking back over it, there have been many traumatic after school special type stuff going on throughout my childhood into my adult years. I used to think it was mostly me making bad choices, but I realize that many of the big ones were in fact beyond my control. I think this never occurred to me, because I am a forgiving person.
But God desires more from me. He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe. And I confess, I'm wrestling with it. It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at. What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on. Easily done, at least for me. But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed. I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things. Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa. But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame. Its been awesome being back. But its been challenging too. Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child. Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
Father, I surrender. I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart. I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected. And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep. My heart and hope is in you above all. Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected. Thank you for forgiveness. And commanding us to do the same. Amen.
But God desires more from me. He wants to remove every ounce of unforgiveness that has built up like scum in a drain pipe. And I confess, I'm wrestling with it. It would be easier to continue to take the road I've been on, not dealing with the broken relationships, just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending its not there... and maybe its those type of scenarios that I'm good at. What I mean is there are situations where you need to just drop what happened and move on. Easily done, at least for me. But those situations where you encounter the person constantly, where there's zero remorse on their end, where you need to forgive the person again and again... that's my struggle.
Since returning from Africa my relationship with God is so renewed. I have always loved Him, and worked to obey Him in all things. Well, I haven't always, but I had been before Africa. But I was missing a special intimacy, a fire that drew me in to Him, and I think through my time in the Word coupled with a lack of distraction from home, well, Africa served as a platform to fan that flame. Its been awesome being back. But its been challenging too. Its like God is saying, "I'm so glad to have you back, my child. Now, lets get back to working on those areas from before you strayed."
Then the question goes from "Do I really want to forgive this person?" to "Do I really want to lose this intimacy with the Lord?"
Father, I surrender. I'm not even sure I know how to forgive on the level you are asking, but I am trusting you to step in and dissolve any scum in my heart. I will do that hard thing, that confrontation, that laying my heart on the line again knowing it might not be rejected. And I believe you will work on the supernatural level to heal so that the forgiveness runs deep. My heart and hope is in you above all. Thank you for laying your Son on the line knowing it would be rejected. Thank you for forgiveness. And commanding us to do the same. Amen.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Rwanda Support Letter
Praying my heart speaks through these words, that God speaks through them into the heart of my friends and family!
My heart for Africa
“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” – Matthew 28:19
Dear Friends and Family,
I am so excited to share with you about an opportunity I have this summer to go on a short term mission trip to Kigali, Rwanda with an amazing group of students and student leaders! This trip is set to take place June 11-22, 2012. We will be serving the local people in Rwanda’s capital, visiting local schools, and being a witness for Jesus Christ to these people. For me, I feel as though this is a trip the Lord has been preparing me for some time for, and I’m thoroughly excited to witness what God has planned!
This past year God has been at work in my heart in a big way! He has been opening my eyes and broadening my worldview. He has been faithfully granting my prayers as I’ve asked, “Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours.” It’s been, and continues to be, both beautiful (as I draw nearer to Him) and heart-wrenching (as I’ve come to realize just how limited my view has been).
“He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” -Micah 6:8
My heart for Africa“Do not be merely readers of the Word, and so deceive yourselves, do what it says.” –James 1:22
As much as I’ve enjoyed and learned and devoured information and Scripture along this journey, I am also compelled to serve and to experience firsthand these places I’m learning about. Through it all, Africa has been at the forefront of my thoughts so when I was invited to go to Rwanda you can imagine my delight! Rwanda is often called the heart of Africa. It’s a small, densely populated country that has known pain like few other countries in history have. The genocide that devastated this beautiful land in 1994 where an estimated 800,000 people over the course of about 100 days were murdered and the HIV/AIDS epidemic that continues to ravage much of Africa has left 1 in 13 Rwandan citizens today as an orphan. And yet, Rwanda is a beautiful testimony to the power and healing that comes from picking itself back up, dusting itself off, and pressing onto the prize for which it was called. Reading and hearing about the testimonies of genocide victims forgiving those who murdered their own family members has been so humbling. Indeed, Pius Nyakayiro, who will be hosting our trip in Kigali, and whom I’ve heard firsthand of his story when he visited our church this past winter, has experienced the peace that can only come from the Lord, when looking at the face of the ones who took his family’s life, and sincerely offering them forgiveness and desiring restoration for their souls. How great is our God?!!
My heart for my children
“Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your hearts as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” – Deuteronomy 4:9
As I prayed over this trip (as resounding a “yes!” it was for me, I still wanted to make SURE it was within God’s will and not just my tendency to get ahead of myself), I felt a clear response from the Lord. Even though, at this point, the fullness of its meaning remains unknown. God spoke to me, “Go to Rwanda, there is a piece of your story there I want you to get. Bring it back, and share it with your daughters, it will be a part of their story as well.” Many of you may know that Matt and I recently decided to bring the girls home for their education. One major reason I desired this was to have greater opportunity to teach them truths and values based on the Bible. The same biblical worldview I desire for myself, I desire for them as well. I have shared much with them that I have been learning, and I am so excited to set this example by not just teaching them about the Great Commission (see verse at top of letter) but attempting to live it out both here in our own homeland and elsewhere!
My heart for students
“But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” – James 2:18
“A church that lives within its four walls is no church at all.” – Pastor Morgan Chilulu of Zambia
As I mentioned in the first paragraph, the team God has called on this trip is made up almost entirely of high school students and student leaders within the church. One of our high school pastors, Allison Murray, is leading the trip, and the other adults are fellow volunteers I serve alongside throughout the week within student ministries. I have been heavily involved in student ministries for several years now, and am so tickled that God choose to unite my passion for Africa with my passion for students in this way! Most of the students going on the trip I have had the joy of knowing and watching them grow, they are incredible leaders in our church and in their schools, they love Jesus so dearly and I am absolutely convinced God will use this trip to grow their leadership and His will for them even more! As a small group leader within the high school ministry, I’m especially excited to have one of my beloved 11th grade small group girls on the team, as well as one of the girls I led for the past two years who is currently a college freshman. Several other students on the team have a special place in my heart because they have poured into my own daughters lives, serving in their spare time in children’s ministry!
“Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” –Matthew 5:16
I could go on and on about all of the ways God is at work in and around and through my life and the lives of my Rwanda team members, within my church and within the beautiful country of Rwanda. Indeed, my heart could burst and many times tears have threatened to take over just in the process of writing this letter, I so desire to share how great and deep and far and wide the love of our Heavenly Father is and how His love is manifesting itself all around us daily. I’m praying the impact of this trip will be powerful and far reaching, with ripples that will expand over time and distance. As we get ready for Rwanda, I’m praying for God to prepare our hearts, work within the planning and details of the trip, and go before us so that we would be Christ’s Ambassadors, that He would make His appeal through us (2 Corinthians 5:20). Would you consider partnering with me in prayer for this trip? Would you also pray for and consider partnering financially with us as it will cost $3,000 for each person on the team? If you could do one or both of these I would be so grateful and I know and am already praying in confidence that God will bless you for your response.
Thank you so much for your time, prayer, love and support!
In Christ,
J
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Raising Godly Women
My daughters are a complete and total joy to raise!
I have enjoyed them immensely in the past 11 years I've spent with them so far, and while I anticipate a season of trial is around the corner, I cannot imagine more amazing darling girls with a sweeter pre-teen foundation. Just today they begged to combine their rooms so they can be in the same place. While they don't always agree, and although they all have a bit of bossy-ness, they adore each other. When asked what they want for Christmas, they list a single thing: M wants an easel and some canvas', J wants art supplies, L wants legos. When asked, "What else?" they say, "That's it." ?!?!?! Really? Well, ok, maybe they said a parrot, haha, but that was immediately vetoed so there you have it! American kids with a single thing on their Christmas lists! Amazing, in my mind!
I've been reading more of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and realizing I certainly have much room for improvement on my parenting strategies. I was so grateful to have one of my greatest concerns addressed. My affection for my children is unquestionable, however, I struggle to communicate with them well. I can lecture with great kindness, and entreat them to understanding, but I can really improve on my listening skills, and asking the right questions, digging deeper to know what is at the heart of their reasoning, and then being intentional in my response to always be pointing back to Jesus. Always. Oh, I wish my life were so well prioritized that I always pointed to Jesus, in all things. I'm challenged to work hard on this, and I'm thankful because now I know I will be more aware of when I am communicating punitively.
This has my mind wandering to my desires for my daughters. I speak often to them (lecturing mostly) about the very real adversity in the world towards Truth. And how it appears in its wickedly deceptive form as common sense or wisdom. I urge them to look deeper into such lies and then to cling to real Truth in Jesus Christ, only. Part of these discussions are to prepare them for their futures. As I stated to them the other day, "Your goal should not be for getting into an Ivy League College, or building a successful career, or being admired by many people. Your goal is to be complete in Christ, and you will spend your lives, if you are Truly wise, seeking Him. You are not a failure if you don't make straight A's, if you don't have a big house, or the right clothes. You ought to be more concerned with having these things, and not being in God's will for you."
Let my daughters be missionaries. Let them be homemakers. Let them serve the poor and needy, raise a quiver full of children to bring glory to God, let them deny themselves, and let me lead them by example. Let us be clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh at the (tough) days to come!
I have enjoyed them immensely in the past 11 years I've spent with them so far, and while I anticipate a season of trial is around the corner, I cannot imagine more amazing darling girls with a sweeter pre-teen foundation. Just today they begged to combine their rooms so they can be in the same place. While they don't always agree, and although they all have a bit of bossy-ness, they adore each other. When asked what they want for Christmas, they list a single thing: M wants an easel and some canvas', J wants art supplies, L wants legos. When asked, "What else?" they say, "That's it." ?!?!?! Really? Well, ok, maybe they said a parrot, haha, but that was immediately vetoed so there you have it! American kids with a single thing on their Christmas lists! Amazing, in my mind!
I've been reading more of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and realizing I certainly have much room for improvement on my parenting strategies. I was so grateful to have one of my greatest concerns addressed. My affection for my children is unquestionable, however, I struggle to communicate with them well. I can lecture with great kindness, and entreat them to understanding, but I can really improve on my listening skills, and asking the right questions, digging deeper to know what is at the heart of their reasoning, and then being intentional in my response to always be pointing back to Jesus. Always. Oh, I wish my life were so well prioritized that I always pointed to Jesus, in all things. I'm challenged to work hard on this, and I'm thankful because now I know I will be more aware of when I am communicating punitively.
This has my mind wandering to my desires for my daughters. I speak often to them (lecturing mostly) about the very real adversity in the world towards Truth. And how it appears in its wickedly deceptive form as common sense or wisdom. I urge them to look deeper into such lies and then to cling to real Truth in Jesus Christ, only. Part of these discussions are to prepare them for their futures. As I stated to them the other day, "Your goal should not be for getting into an Ivy League College, or building a successful career, or being admired by many people. Your goal is to be complete in Christ, and you will spend your lives, if you are Truly wise, seeking Him. You are not a failure if you don't make straight A's, if you don't have a big house, or the right clothes. You ought to be more concerned with having these things, and not being in God's will for you."
Let my daughters be missionaries. Let them be homemakers. Let them serve the poor and needy, raise a quiver full of children to bring glory to God, let them deny themselves, and let me lead them by example. Let us be clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh at the (tough) days to come!
Monday, December 12, 2011
An American Girl
I am prone to harsh feelings towards this nation I live in. Largely a glass-half-full girl, the opposite is true when I'm so overwhelmed by the materialism and escapism that grips the people of this country, myself included.
It disgusts me.
Yet, my disgust is misplaced.
I wonder, if I were to look at the U.S. with my Father's eyes, if I would not view it MUCH differently.
I see materialism, He sees empty souls longing for fulfillment.
I see escapism, He sees broken hearts longing to be healed.
I see hatred, indifference, rebellion; He sees lost, lied to, confused.
"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
I need to remember that I see with broken eyes. Only God sees the true heart. And while I struggle to feel like any love I show makes any impact, I KNOW better. God loves the USA. And my prayer, is that through His great love, He will humble our nation, and soften our hearts to reveal Himself to us, and a revival will happen, where a whole nation returns to its Christ-centered roots. I pray we will be "one nation under God" again.
It disgusts me.
Yet, my disgust is misplaced.
I wonder, if I were to look at the U.S. with my Father's eyes, if I would not view it MUCH differently.
I see materialism, He sees empty souls longing for fulfillment.
I see escapism, He sees broken hearts longing to be healed.
I see hatred, indifference, rebellion; He sees lost, lied to, confused.
"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
I need to remember that I see with broken eyes. Only God sees the true heart. And while I struggle to feel like any love I show makes any impact, I KNOW better. God loves the USA. And my prayer, is that through His great love, He will humble our nation, and soften our hearts to reveal Himself to us, and a revival will happen, where a whole nation returns to its Christ-centered roots. I pray we will be "one nation under God" again.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
In These Days
So much has transpired these last few months.
I feel so much a part of .... a purpose.
I feel increasingly drawn to my Lord.
I feel increasingly burdened for His lost sheep.
Rwanda.
Homeschooling.
Missions in general.
The Truth.
I can hardly wrap my head around it but still I am anxious for more!
Our country is so desperate for something to count on, yet we (generally speaking) completely spit in the face of the One who provides exactly what our hearts long for! How can this be?
Meanwhile, most of the world lives so far below the poverty lines that 25,000 people a day die from hunger related causes.
There are 147 million orphans in the world, desperate for a love. Christians, where are you? You who have the never ending love of the Father, the love of God that spills out overflowing, where are you?
Can you imagine our country if every professing Christ-follower took responsibility for the lost and hurting people. If we truly made it our life's mission, all of us, to share the love of Christ with all that we have? Would there be any hunger? Would there be any poverty? Would there be any orphans? If we lived and loved fully dependent on our Lord, fully engaged in our homes and in our communities? What if a church existed, where every able bodied family adopted an orphan? I'm not talking everyone with a big savings account and more income than they could spend, I'm talking every family with a mother and a father, maybe other children, maybe not. Lets go back deeper, what would the church look like if men loved their wives as Christ loved the church? What would it look like if men lead the home and women humbly submitted to their authority? What if parents lead by example to their children and did life with them, not apart from them? What if we took our own personal debt seriously and every Christian aggressively paid off their debt till there was none? What if women were the picture of godly femininity? What if a mother and homemaker was a respected vocation? What if we fled temptation and guarded our hearts against evil? What if we forgave as we've been forgiven? Can you imagine such an existence this side of heaven? I can! I want to anyways, I want to be a part of a revolution where the Truth is not masked or watered down but given in its entirety and received with humility! I want our country to turn 180 degrees on its heels and I believe the key to this is very simple. For Christians to start acting like Christians.
Think about it. If this were to happen, then there would be such a stark contrast between us and the rest of the world (as God desired there to be) that people would surely sit up and wonder. Why are they so kind? How are they able to forgive? Where does that peace come from? We hold ourselves to such high standards, and to an outsider it seems like an abundance of rules, but the joy and the peace found on the believer shines so bright and so strong that people are drawn, inexplicably, they are pulled in by this strange notion of grace and mercy, they are won over without words, but then they choose to step into that light, and they get it. You can't explain it, but you CAN get it. Oh, that people would get it!
We don't need more classes on how to be a Christ follower. We are taught to death, I feel. We need to go and be and do! Act! We don't need to hear "Everything in Moderation" we need non-believers to say of us "Aren't you taking this to the extreme?" and we say "Yes!! Yes!! Because its THAT important!"
We need a commitment to be rooted in the Word, to humble ourselves before our maker, to do as the spirit leads, to walk by faith. We need to fall into bed every night exhausted but also completely on empty because we have given each day our absolute all- nothing held back, nothing reserved for ourselves. This is the church I long to be a part of. This is the bride I believe the bridegroom desires.
Lord, let it be.
I feel so much a part of .... a purpose.
I feel increasingly drawn to my Lord.
I feel increasingly burdened for His lost sheep.
Rwanda.
Homeschooling.
Missions in general.
The Truth.
I can hardly wrap my head around it but still I am anxious for more!
Our country is so desperate for something to count on, yet we (generally speaking) completely spit in the face of the One who provides exactly what our hearts long for! How can this be?
Meanwhile, most of the world lives so far below the poverty lines that 25,000 people a day die from hunger related causes.
There are 147 million orphans in the world, desperate for a love. Christians, where are you? You who have the never ending love of the Father, the love of God that spills out overflowing, where are you?
Can you imagine our country if every professing Christ-follower took responsibility for the lost and hurting people. If we truly made it our life's mission, all of us, to share the love of Christ with all that we have? Would there be any hunger? Would there be any poverty? Would there be any orphans? If we lived and loved fully dependent on our Lord, fully engaged in our homes and in our communities? What if a church existed, where every able bodied family adopted an orphan? I'm not talking everyone with a big savings account and more income than they could spend, I'm talking every family with a mother and a father, maybe other children, maybe not. Lets go back deeper, what would the church look like if men loved their wives as Christ loved the church? What would it look like if men lead the home and women humbly submitted to their authority? What if parents lead by example to their children and did life with them, not apart from them? What if we took our own personal debt seriously and every Christian aggressively paid off their debt till there was none? What if women were the picture of godly femininity? What if a mother and homemaker was a respected vocation? What if we fled temptation and guarded our hearts against evil? What if we forgave as we've been forgiven? Can you imagine such an existence this side of heaven? I can! I want to anyways, I want to be a part of a revolution where the Truth is not masked or watered down but given in its entirety and received with humility! I want our country to turn 180 degrees on its heels and I believe the key to this is very simple. For Christians to start acting like Christians.
Think about it. If this were to happen, then there would be such a stark contrast between us and the rest of the world (as God desired there to be) that people would surely sit up and wonder. Why are they so kind? How are they able to forgive? Where does that peace come from? We hold ourselves to such high standards, and to an outsider it seems like an abundance of rules, but the joy and the peace found on the believer shines so bright and so strong that people are drawn, inexplicably, they are pulled in by this strange notion of grace and mercy, they are won over without words, but then they choose to step into that light, and they get it. You can't explain it, but you CAN get it. Oh, that people would get it!
We don't need more classes on how to be a Christ follower. We are taught to death, I feel. We need to go and be and do! Act! We don't need to hear "Everything in Moderation" we need non-believers to say of us "Aren't you taking this to the extreme?" and we say "Yes!! Yes!! Because its THAT important!"
We need a commitment to be rooted in the Word, to humble ourselves before our maker, to do as the spirit leads, to walk by faith. We need to fall into bed every night exhausted but also completely on empty because we have given each day our absolute all- nothing held back, nothing reserved for ourselves. This is the church I long to be a part of. This is the bride I believe the bridegroom desires.
Lord, let it be.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Here I Am, Send Me
More.
More churning of the heart.
More knotting of the stomach.
More tears that threaten eyes.
More anxiousness to do something. Anything.
Lord, send me.
Take my life as an offering.
Rwanda. I commit.
Summer of 2012.
Rwanda. I search.
I beckon my heart to be pierced.
It comes swiftly and I'm broken.
Broken hearted for a broken world.
For a lost and lonely people.
For stomachs that knot and hearts that churn and tears that threaten
for food and clean water and medicine and hope.
What will come of this.
I read. Kisses from Katie.
Her heart was shattered for Uganda, for the children.
She was ruined from the states.
Oh, I see this in my future.
I'm halfway there.
I cannot hardly do anything at all without thinking of them.
The children who will die today of malnutrition.
I will go to Rwanda.
And I will be ruined.
I have no idea what will happen after this.
But I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
Its in His will and I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
He spoke it to me weeks ago as I prayed.
I have a piece of you in Africa, go get it.
I have a piece of your story. Of your children's story.
Go, experience, feel, taste, see, hear, smell.
Retrieve.
Return, and be changed forever.
More churning of the heart.
More knotting of the stomach.
More tears that threaten eyes.
More anxiousness to do something. Anything.
Lord, send me.
Take my life as an offering.
Rwanda. I commit.
Summer of 2012.
Rwanda. I search.
I beckon my heart to be pierced.
It comes swiftly and I'm broken.
Broken hearted for a broken world.
For a lost and lonely people.
For stomachs that knot and hearts that churn and tears that threaten
for food and clean water and medicine and hope.
What will come of this.
I read. Kisses from Katie.
Her heart was shattered for Uganda, for the children.
She was ruined from the states.
Oh, I see this in my future.
I'm halfway there.
I cannot hardly do anything at all without thinking of them.
The children who will die today of malnutrition.
I will go to Rwanda.
And I will be ruined.
I have no idea what will happen after this.
But I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
Its in His will and I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
He spoke it to me weeks ago as I prayed.
I have a piece of you in Africa, go get it.
I have a piece of your story. Of your children's story.
Go, experience, feel, taste, see, hear, smell.
Retrieve.
Return, and be changed forever.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Deepish Thoughts
I feel quite reflective lately.
A sweet girl I know, quite young, become a mother recently.
Part of me feels like something has come full circle.
It was just over 11 short years since I sat in those shoes.
A teen mother.
Wow.
When I look back time has passed so swiftly yet the years have been so full.
God has revealed much, but I know I have much still to learn.
And that I ought to be much further along in my understanding, only I have kept myself from it.
But still, what have I learned?
What could I pass on to a young person who is in that place that I was.
Scared. Humbled. Still stubborn and naive to life.
Wanting to know right, but not fully prepared for the extent for which God would like to take me.
If I could impart this one thing: GROW. Chase your Lord, though the Lord does not run from us.
Dear teenager, pursue Him passionately, as you would study to get your license, practice to make the sports team, or w/ the energy you put into getting noticed by that boy/girl you like. Dive into the Word, and don't come up until its pierced your soul. Do hard things and practice what you read.
Secondly, for this young mom, I would have to say, surround yourself with godly women and men. Seriously, a new mom, a mom of young children, and especially a young new mom of young children is in such a vulnerable place. Energy and emotion is sucked dry with the caretaking of an infant, and that leaves a girl's soul wide open to the enemy. This is no time to be taking advice from well-intentioned (or not) but clueless friends either not in that situation or worse, they are. If narrow is the road that leads to heaven, the road for a teen mom is even narrower. When she hasn't had the opportunity to mature fully or grasp a more rounded perspective on life, then things become askew. I used to feel lonely as I was the only person around me my age going through what I was going through and I had many "mother hens" imparting their "wisdom" warranted or not. But now I see with gratitude that God's hand was guarding me, sparing me the misguided guidance of my fellow youth. Here He strategically used older Titus 2 women to set examples. What a blessing. And I was willing most of the time to learn from them. I thank God for giving me a desire to learn, and through the birth of my daughter, the understanding that I don't know it all.
And I have learned through looking back, the power of prayer, as I know many people were praying for me, so I gladly fall to my knees to intercede on this girls life and that of her child and her child's father, knowing fully that God will honor these prayers, because it is the desire of His heart as well to draw this little family unto Him.
A sweet girl I know, quite young, become a mother recently.
Part of me feels like something has come full circle.
It was just over 11 short years since I sat in those shoes.
A teen mother.
Wow.
When I look back time has passed so swiftly yet the years have been so full.
God has revealed much, but I know I have much still to learn.
And that I ought to be much further along in my understanding, only I have kept myself from it.
But still, what have I learned?
What could I pass on to a young person who is in that place that I was.
Scared. Humbled. Still stubborn and naive to life.
Wanting to know right, but not fully prepared for the extent for which God would like to take me.
If I could impart this one thing: GROW. Chase your Lord, though the Lord does not run from us.
Dear teenager, pursue Him passionately, as you would study to get your license, practice to make the sports team, or w/ the energy you put into getting noticed by that boy/girl you like. Dive into the Word, and don't come up until its pierced your soul. Do hard things and practice what you read.
Secondly, for this young mom, I would have to say, surround yourself with godly women and men. Seriously, a new mom, a mom of young children, and especially a young new mom of young children is in such a vulnerable place. Energy and emotion is sucked dry with the caretaking of an infant, and that leaves a girl's soul wide open to the enemy. This is no time to be taking advice from well-intentioned (or not) but clueless friends either not in that situation or worse, they are. If narrow is the road that leads to heaven, the road for a teen mom is even narrower. When she hasn't had the opportunity to mature fully or grasp a more rounded perspective on life, then things become askew. I used to feel lonely as I was the only person around me my age going through what I was going through and I had many "mother hens" imparting their "wisdom" warranted or not. But now I see with gratitude that God's hand was guarding me, sparing me the misguided guidance of my fellow youth. Here He strategically used older Titus 2 women to set examples. What a blessing. And I was willing most of the time to learn from them. I thank God for giving me a desire to learn, and through the birth of my daughter, the understanding that I don't know it all.
And I have learned through looking back, the power of prayer, as I know many people were praying for me, so I gladly fall to my knees to intercede on this girls life and that of her child and her child's father, knowing fully that God will honor these prayers, because it is the desire of His heart as well to draw this little family unto Him.
Monday, November 14, 2011
On Missions
Something happens in my stomach when I consider the ministry of the Lord. Its difficult to describe but I liken it to a churning, gut-deep, kneading like bread in the pit of my belly. You know when you are in an all out, sobbing-out-loud cry, and as you release that sob from your breath and in doing so, you feel it in your core. This sounds so dramatic, but this is what I feel when I consider the lost in this world. Whether it be in regards to nations so poverty-stricken that many of us would not even consider staying a night in their richest homes, or when I think about the Americanized Christianity that thinks themselves saved and thinks themselves to know the Lord and are grossly missing the mark. To paint an accurate picture, I'm not huddled in the corner of my closet in the fetal position with puddles of tears and puffy red eyes, literally. But I dare say my heart feels that way. I've never understood the cultural act during Biblical times of shaving ones' head and tearing ones' clothes and covering ones' self in ashes out of angst and mourning, but I feel as though my heart understands it, even if my head can't wrap around it. To know Jesus Christ, and Him glorified. There is NO other joy than this. There is NO other fulfillment of the hole in our souls than this. And to know there is anyone who walks this life without that fulfillment shatters my heart.
How then shall I live?
In the church sermon yesterday, the guest speaker singled me out and pierced me with these words "We are not doing right." Amen! Yes, Lord! Have I not said as such! My heart cried out in wild agreement and then he drove the spear deeper and listed WHO is not doing it right, and WHO there is a purpose in God's mission for. Among them, he lists "housewife." Ouch, Lord.
But, How then shall I live?
What am I to do?
Feeling this burden is right, but I just don't know what to do with it.
How then shall I live?
In the church sermon yesterday, the guest speaker singled me out and pierced me with these words "We are not doing right." Amen! Yes, Lord! Have I not said as such! My heart cried out in wild agreement and then he drove the spear deeper and listed WHO is not doing it right, and WHO there is a purpose in God's mission for. Among them, he lists "housewife." Ouch, Lord.
But, How then shall I live?
What am I to do?
Feeling this burden is right, but I just don't know what to do with it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Not A Fan
I've been reading a book by Kyle Idleman called "Not A Fan" about what it looks like to be a completely committed follower of Jesus Christ. This is a conviction I have wrestled with practically since my own salvation 15 years ago. Even as a teenager, and quite a rebellious one, there was this ever present whisper in the back of my mind that said, "Its all or nothing." Any amount of Scripture you read would back this up. It's a truth that I think is rarely preached about, and if so, in a light-hearted, stroke your ego type manner. God did not die on the cross so we could have fun, do our own thing, and shout Hallelujah and Amen when our team wins a ball game.
This is such a sensitive topic for me. #1) It gets me so fired up at the injustice we are doing our LORD and SAVIOR with our mediocre luke warm lives. #2) 99% of the time I feel like I'm pretty much alone in this conviction which makes it really really really hard to act in accordance with it. #3) I know that I am not doing everything I could do to live in accordance with it. Perhaps the saying is true that the characteristics that frustrate us the most in other peoples lives are often the ones we wrestle with the most in our own lives.
Right now my Bible sits opened to 1 John 2. Glancing down, I read "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" (v.6) and "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (v.15).
See, my heart tells me that my life's purpose is to do the will of God, to serve Him wholeheartedly, 100% entirely, and in doing so, love others. No exceptions. No excuses. I am called to live on less, and give generously. I am called to deny myself, and become less. I am called to forgive as I have been forgiven. I am called to let go of the trappings of this world, flee temptations, and do hard things.
And in response, I hear from the enemy, through thought or through someone in my life, "Don't go overboard." "God wants you to be happy, to enjoy life." Yes, but I'll only TRULY enjoy this life if I surrender it. And can you worship God with your life too much?
Years ago, a pastor from our church spoke a brief testimony about his recent missions trip to Greece. The only part of that I remember was when he said, "I wondered how I'd share Jesus Christ with people who already believe they new Him." I guess that stuck with me, because I see it everywhere. I want so desperately to be a light in my community, but it seems as though nobody has the slightest clue they are in the dark.
Just now a Scripture comes to mind, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
Dear Lord, I have no desire to inherit the earth, but truly, I want others to. I just want them to know you as I know you and to love you because you are worthy of all love.
For me, it always comes back to this: I am just a simple housewife/homemaker/mother of young children. Uneducated, in a small corner of a grossly rich and largely ignorant country. I live on a culdesac, in a pretty tame neighborhood, what could I possibly do to help anyone?
He is made strong in my weakness. Thank God for that.
This is such a sensitive topic for me. #1) It gets me so fired up at the injustice we are doing our LORD and SAVIOR with our mediocre luke warm lives. #2) 99% of the time I feel like I'm pretty much alone in this conviction which makes it really really really hard to act in accordance with it. #3) I know that I am not doing everything I could do to live in accordance with it. Perhaps the saying is true that the characteristics that frustrate us the most in other peoples lives are often the ones we wrestle with the most in our own lives.
Right now my Bible sits opened to 1 John 2. Glancing down, I read "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" (v.6) and "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (v.15).
See, my heart tells me that my life's purpose is to do the will of God, to serve Him wholeheartedly, 100% entirely, and in doing so, love others. No exceptions. No excuses. I am called to live on less, and give generously. I am called to deny myself, and become less. I am called to forgive as I have been forgiven. I am called to let go of the trappings of this world, flee temptations, and do hard things.
And in response, I hear from the enemy, through thought or through someone in my life, "Don't go overboard." "God wants you to be happy, to enjoy life." Yes, but I'll only TRULY enjoy this life if I surrender it. And can you worship God with your life too much?
Years ago, a pastor from our church spoke a brief testimony about his recent missions trip to Greece. The only part of that I remember was when he said, "I wondered how I'd share Jesus Christ with people who already believe they new Him." I guess that stuck with me, because I see it everywhere. I want so desperately to be a light in my community, but it seems as though nobody has the slightest clue they are in the dark.
Just now a Scripture comes to mind, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
Dear Lord, I have no desire to inherit the earth, but truly, I want others to. I just want them to know you as I know you and to love you because you are worthy of all love.
For me, it always comes back to this: I am just a simple housewife/homemaker/mother of young children. Uneducated, in a small corner of a grossly rich and largely ignorant country. I live on a culdesac, in a pretty tame neighborhood, what could I possibly do to help anyone?
He is made strong in my weakness. Thank God for that.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
How To Face Disappointment
I feel like much of my believing life has been a shuffle of taking 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back. I have recognized this and have been earnestly seeking to remedy it. The enemy deploys his usual antics, and I am learning to recognize his evil hand in it, and resist the temptation. The talons dig deeper, and I'm learning to grip tighter to the Almighty.
Still, despite the consistency of this faith dance... well, lack of faith dance, I always manage to let myself get comfortable, feeling like "things are finally going alright," forgetting that life does not have a cruise control. Not a life lived as a follower anyways.
So, the suckerpunch hits me square in the gut. The legs of my well propped pedastool fling from beneath me, and I find myself asking "what just happened?" and in the same breath knowing the answer.
Oh, its nothing catastrophic. Comparatively. And in part, I'm thankful for the hit. I know better than to be up there, that is no place for me. So, here I sit. Tailbone throbbing, wind leaving lungs, reminded, humbled. And heart hurting. What now? How to respond? What do you do when your hurting? I crave tangible steps. I crave the ears, the shoulder, the heart of a mentor to speak wisdom to me. But God has reserved this place for Himself in this season, and so I grip His robes, wanting to look into His all-knowing eyes and find answers, but feeling too broken to even turn my face to Him.
The enemy says resent. Feel the soothing icyhot of self pity and bitterness. Disappear into a wonderland daydream of what ifs and if onlys. But no. Not this time. Feet planted firmly. This time I won't allow the thoughts to tarry. I grab the leatherbound gift of His presence and curl into those robes I cling to and let Him soothe me with His words, His wisdom, His shoulder. I read till I can read no more. What do I read, specifically? Last night it was mostly Psalms, 2 Peter, some of Acts. Mostly there is no rhyme or reason. Its not what He says, its simply hearing His voice that comforts.
I fall asleep to the sound of His voice echoing in my soul. Not audible, no such restriction as that. But His words on my heart have their own tone and pitch that even trained ears cannot recognize. I awaken with that same voice on heart, life words reach my lips from within. But temptation has not cowarded so quickly, and this is no surprise, but I'm rested and rooted.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Still, despite the consistency of this faith dance... well, lack of faith dance, I always manage to let myself get comfortable, feeling like "things are finally going alright," forgetting that life does not have a cruise control. Not a life lived as a follower anyways.
So, the suckerpunch hits me square in the gut. The legs of my well propped pedastool fling from beneath me, and I find myself asking "what just happened?" and in the same breath knowing the answer.
Oh, its nothing catastrophic. Comparatively. And in part, I'm thankful for the hit. I know better than to be up there, that is no place for me. So, here I sit. Tailbone throbbing, wind leaving lungs, reminded, humbled. And heart hurting. What now? How to respond? What do you do when your hurting? I crave tangible steps. I crave the ears, the shoulder, the heart of a mentor to speak wisdom to me. But God has reserved this place for Himself in this season, and so I grip His robes, wanting to look into His all-knowing eyes and find answers, but feeling too broken to even turn my face to Him.
The enemy says resent. Feel the soothing icyhot of self pity and bitterness. Disappear into a wonderland daydream of what ifs and if onlys. But no. Not this time. Feet planted firmly. This time I won't allow the thoughts to tarry. I grab the leatherbound gift of His presence and curl into those robes I cling to and let Him soothe me with His words, His wisdom, His shoulder. I read till I can read no more. What do I read, specifically? Last night it was mostly Psalms, 2 Peter, some of Acts. Mostly there is no rhyme or reason. Its not what He says, its simply hearing His voice that comforts.
I fall asleep to the sound of His voice echoing in my soul. Not audible, no such restriction as that. But His words on my heart have their own tone and pitch that even trained ears cannot recognize. I awaken with that same voice on heart, life words reach my lips from within. But temptation has not cowarded so quickly, and this is no surprise, but I'm rested and rooted.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Monday, November 7, 2011
thinks that i've thunk
* What does God think about competition? Healthy in moderation? Shouldn't we not compare? Is our competition with others, or with ourselves what matters?
* Thankful for God's answer to pray, that my love for my husband would continuously increase, when through my own evil desires, I'm inclined towards criticism
* The way many of us are most receptive to absorbing knowledge at the beginning of the day, as I watched a neighborhood child this morning, normally restless in nature, sit and listen to our morning devotion, reaffirming how the ideal time for devotional is in fact, in the mornings.
* This Scripture has been continuously on my heart this past year, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." - Matthew 7:21-23 I fell like we would all be wise to consider very seriously our relationship with the Almighty God, and consider which Gospel we claim to believe, and what we are truly living as truth.
* Last night I lay in bed considering the fact that I spent the last hour of my day shuffling between Pinterest and Facebook when LITERALLY there are/were people in the world running for their lives/ being tortured/ risking everything for His Names' Sake. Sometimes, I don't know how to live, I feel so trapped by the trappings of this world, and wish so severely that I could truly let them go. Help me, Lord Jesus.
* Thankful for God's answer to pray, that my love for my husband would continuously increase, when through my own evil desires, I'm inclined towards criticism
* The way many of us are most receptive to absorbing knowledge at the beginning of the day, as I watched a neighborhood child this morning, normally restless in nature, sit and listen to our morning devotion, reaffirming how the ideal time for devotional is in fact, in the mornings.
* This Scripture has been continuously on my heart this past year, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." - Matthew 7:21-23 I fell like we would all be wise to consider very seriously our relationship with the Almighty God, and consider which Gospel we claim to believe, and what we are truly living as truth.
* Last night I lay in bed considering the fact that I spent the last hour of my day shuffling between Pinterest and Facebook when LITERALLY there are/were people in the world running for their lives/ being tortured/ risking everything for His Names' Sake. Sometimes, I don't know how to live, I feel so trapped by the trappings of this world, and wish so severely that I could truly let them go. Help me, Lord Jesus.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November!
I'm so delighted that it is November!
To be honest, I dread Halloween. The drama of working out costumes, the glorification of all things evil, though I would say 90% of people celebrating this day are unaware they are doing that. And lets not forget the 30lbs of candy that sits 3 feet from me right now! Tempted? You bet I am. But more than that I find myself disgusted by the sight of it. That much candy has no business being under my roof.
I've been reading through Leviticus in my Bible reading plan. The dreaded parts of the old testament that spell out offerings and sacrifices and rules and laws that God set for His people. I praise Him for my life post-resurrection, that I am not bound by those rules. But I have also been praying for insight beyond the weighty repetitive nature of the passages, and one major theme has stuck with me through it all.
God protects.
So many of these laws were set to protect the Lord's chosen people from themselves, from the enemy, and from disease. The strict dietary guidelines, when considering a time that was before refrigeration, before knowledge of bacteria and many diseases, was His way of keeping the Israelites from unneccessary illness. The many guidelines for relationships, when considering a time when marrying within the family and heinous sexual habits were rampant, God sets His people apart, preserving family relationships, and keeping from many birth defects, diseases, and other issues.
When you read through this part of Scripture in light of how God is protecting his naive and ignorant people, knowing their propensity for sin, its not quite God putting all kinds of limitations on what you can do, but God protecting His beloved children from what they do not see and understand.
This morning as I read Leviticus 20:26 (and this verse is consistent of the previous couple of chapters) which says: "You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own." Glance at mountain of candy. This is what I believe the Lord is leading me to: God has set apart His people for a purpose. I believe that we are to intentionally and actively set the bar of standards very high. We are to be pure, spotless, without defect. This is an impossible task, but one that we should no relinquish our strain for. As God was establishing His people, He made laws that would set them apart from everyone around them. They would be so much more healthier, more disciplined, more righteous, fair, loving, and God-honoring than any other people group so that everyone would see and know that their God was THE GOD. As means of being salt and light, I believe we should do the same. "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." Glance at mountain of candy.
So many verses are coming to mind right now,
"Consecrate yourselves, before the Lord"
"Honor the Lord with your body"
"I beat my body and make it my slave..."
Glance at mountain of candy. To refine our diets within my household not for the purpose of weightloss or any other reason, but of supreme health and out of direct obedience to the Lord knowing "You are not your own, you were bought with a price..." that seems to be the direction the Lord has been leading me now for weeks and now I see the greatest purpose for it: Him.
To be honest, I dread Halloween. The drama of working out costumes, the glorification of all things evil, though I would say 90% of people celebrating this day are unaware they are doing that. And lets not forget the 30lbs of candy that sits 3 feet from me right now! Tempted? You bet I am. But more than that I find myself disgusted by the sight of it. That much candy has no business being under my roof.
I've been reading through Leviticus in my Bible reading plan. The dreaded parts of the old testament that spell out offerings and sacrifices and rules and laws that God set for His people. I praise Him for my life post-resurrection, that I am not bound by those rules. But I have also been praying for insight beyond the weighty repetitive nature of the passages, and one major theme has stuck with me through it all.
God protects.
So many of these laws were set to protect the Lord's chosen people from themselves, from the enemy, and from disease. The strict dietary guidelines, when considering a time that was before refrigeration, before knowledge of bacteria and many diseases, was His way of keeping the Israelites from unneccessary illness. The many guidelines for relationships, when considering a time when marrying within the family and heinous sexual habits were rampant, God sets His people apart, preserving family relationships, and keeping from many birth defects, diseases, and other issues.
When you read through this part of Scripture in light of how God is protecting his naive and ignorant people, knowing their propensity for sin, its not quite God putting all kinds of limitations on what you can do, but God protecting His beloved children from what they do not see and understand.
This morning as I read Leviticus 20:26 (and this verse is consistent of the previous couple of chapters) which says: "You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own." Glance at mountain of candy. This is what I believe the Lord is leading me to: God has set apart His people for a purpose. I believe that we are to intentionally and actively set the bar of standards very high. We are to be pure, spotless, without defect. This is an impossible task, but one that we should no relinquish our strain for. As God was establishing His people, He made laws that would set them apart from everyone around them. They would be so much more healthier, more disciplined, more righteous, fair, loving, and God-honoring than any other people group so that everyone would see and know that their God was THE GOD. As means of being salt and light, I believe we should do the same. "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." Glance at mountain of candy.
So many verses are coming to mind right now,
"Consecrate yourselves, before the Lord"
"Honor the Lord with your body"
"I beat my body and make it my slave..."
Glance at mountain of candy. To refine our diets within my household not for the purpose of weightloss or any other reason, but of supreme health and out of direct obedience to the Lord knowing "You are not your own, you were bought with a price..." that seems to be the direction the Lord has been leading me now for weeks and now I see the greatest purpose for it: Him.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
What If We Didn't Adore Our Children?
What if our world did not revolve around our kids?
I've spent years in defense of kids who's parents seemed too busy or caught up in their own lives to pay attention to what they are doing and who they are growing up to be, and I maintain that stance.
I'm also of the belief that coddling a child, spoiling a child, babying a child is often a well-intended way to parent, which also happens to yield the opposite of desired results.
And don't I just love my children to pieces! They are such a complete joy and I am in awe of them everyday.
But sometimes I wonder if the fine line between affirming children, and showing we value them, is smudged by making them such high priority.
Assuredly, they are our responsibility, and a great responsibility at that.
But what I'm talking about is when we allow the care and raising of our children to wedge between us and our relationship with God.
And perhaps our relationships with other.
I have to do a self check sometimes. I delight in my daughters so dearly, and I am so passionate about raising them well, that I have to stop and ask: Is my focus more on them than God? By world's standards this is just plain crazy talk. But Jesus did say, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison--your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple." That almost sounds crazy, too. Who is more pro-family than the Lord? But I take this to mean if you put anything before your devotion to God, even family, then that is idol worship. And you cannot both love God with all your heart and worship idols, whatever form that takes.
What does this look like? A parent who cannot seem to let go of their grown children, who stands in the way of God's plans for them. A parent unwilling to do what is right in order to spare their child hardship. When a parent relies on their children or spouse, or any other, to fulfill them when only God is able to do that.
Pray for your children, yes. Be the best stewards of these precious talents God has entrusted you with, yes. Let NOTHING compare with your relationship and love for God, please yes.
As mothers, I think we can become tempted when we have these small beings so reliant on us. I've caught myself in the past, when they were babies, especially, I cherished those times when they "needed" me, and mourned when they grew to rely on others as well. Even now, I relish, perhaps too much, I wonder, the esteem they hold me in. I need to pray for humility here.
I've spent years in defense of kids who's parents seemed too busy or caught up in their own lives to pay attention to what they are doing and who they are growing up to be, and I maintain that stance.
I'm also of the belief that coddling a child, spoiling a child, babying a child is often a well-intended way to parent, which also happens to yield the opposite of desired results.
And don't I just love my children to pieces! They are such a complete joy and I am in awe of them everyday.
But sometimes I wonder if the fine line between affirming children, and showing we value them, is smudged by making them such high priority.
Assuredly, they are our responsibility, and a great responsibility at that.
But what I'm talking about is when we allow the care and raising of our children to wedge between us and our relationship with God.
And perhaps our relationships with other.
I have to do a self check sometimes. I delight in my daughters so dearly, and I am so passionate about raising them well, that I have to stop and ask: Is my focus more on them than God? By world's standards this is just plain crazy talk. But Jesus did say, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison--your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple." That almost sounds crazy, too. Who is more pro-family than the Lord? But I take this to mean if you put anything before your devotion to God, even family, then that is idol worship. And you cannot both love God with all your heart and worship idols, whatever form that takes.
What does this look like? A parent who cannot seem to let go of their grown children, who stands in the way of God's plans for them. A parent unwilling to do what is right in order to spare their child hardship. When a parent relies on their children or spouse, or any other, to fulfill them when only God is able to do that.
Pray for your children, yes. Be the best stewards of these precious talents God has entrusted you with, yes. Let NOTHING compare with your relationship and love for God, please yes.
As mothers, I think we can become tempted when we have these small beings so reliant on us. I've caught myself in the past, when they were babies, especially, I cherished those times when they "needed" me, and mourned when they grew to rely on others as well. Even now, I relish, perhaps too much, I wonder, the esteem they hold me in. I need to pray for humility here.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Living Without Pretense
I feel a fresh understanding of something I often considered, but needed to be challenged in, wash over.
Forgiving others as we are forgiven.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is not a command given to us by God as a "suggestion" to help us gain peace.
To those who have been given much, much is expected.
Consider others better than yourself.
Love one another.
Turn the other cheek.
This is what sets us apart from unbelievers.
Our love and our willingness to forgive.
Our willingness to do unto others as we would have them do, regardless of what they have done.
But do we really do this?
Do we take the the ugly criminal of a grudge, fueled by self righteousness, and do we battle it head on, not relenting till it is completely defeated?
Or do we beat it till we grow tired and then brush it under the carpet, it is weak for a time, but grows stronger, yet out of sight, subtly.
Do we put others before ourselves when it conveniences us?
Or perhaps when we are faced with our own sin and desire a quick feeling of restitution that soothes our wounded spirit?
What if we were able to let go of all pretense, humble ourselves, and swallow our prides, and offer the cup of true forgiveness?
I struggle to know what that even looks like? It doesn't say "I forgive" yet harbor unspoken resentment. It doesn't "forget" the sin until something else happens and then it is remembered with fierce recollection.
Its to go to that person who rubs you the wrong way, who makes your life difficult, who is abrasive, obnoxious, smug. It is to take the basin of water and wrap your cloak around you and kneel and remove their sandals and wash their feet.
Oh, that I would know this level of humility. It feels like a discipline, a depth of holiness, that I am far from grasping. But I desire it, I know in my heart it is worthy of seeking.
Forgive, as you have been forgiven.
Forgiving others as we are forgiven.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is not a command given to us by God as a "suggestion" to help us gain peace.
To those who have been given much, much is expected.
Consider others better than yourself.
Love one another.
Turn the other cheek.
This is what sets us apart from unbelievers.
Our love and our willingness to forgive.
Our willingness to do unto others as we would have them do, regardless of what they have done.
But do we really do this?
Do we take the the ugly criminal of a grudge, fueled by self righteousness, and do we battle it head on, not relenting till it is completely defeated?
Or do we beat it till we grow tired and then brush it under the carpet, it is weak for a time, but grows stronger, yet out of sight, subtly.
Do we put others before ourselves when it conveniences us?
Or perhaps when we are faced with our own sin and desire a quick feeling of restitution that soothes our wounded spirit?
What if we were able to let go of all pretense, humble ourselves, and swallow our prides, and offer the cup of true forgiveness?
I struggle to know what that even looks like? It doesn't say "I forgive" yet harbor unspoken resentment. It doesn't "forget" the sin until something else happens and then it is remembered with fierce recollection.
Its to go to that person who rubs you the wrong way, who makes your life difficult, who is abrasive, obnoxious, smug. It is to take the basin of water and wrap your cloak around you and kneel and remove their sandals and wash their feet.
Oh, that I would know this level of humility. It feels like a discipline, a depth of holiness, that I am far from grasping. But I desire it, I know in my heart it is worthy of seeking.
Forgive, as you have been forgiven.
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